Heidi Klum and Seal recently announced that they’re splitting up after six years of a seemingly happy marriage. We were shocked, so how will the kids handle the news? Dr. Susan Abbott, a top child and adolescent psychiatrist, told HollywoodLife.com exclusively the best way to handle the separation when it comes to their four kids — Leni, 7, Henry, 6, Johan, 5, and Lou, 2. “Being children of wealth, their parents should be careful with over indulging them or disregarding their limitations because they feel guilty over the split,” Dr. Abbott explained.

Dr. Abbott says that involved parents like Heidi and Seal should continue participating and keeping life as normal as possible. Here’s her tips for handling the separation:

• Have joint custody
• Both participate in major life decisions in the kids’ lives
• Do the same activities they did before the split
• Keep everything as normal as possible

What not to do? Overindulge the children out of guilt! “Kids can spiral out of control and become spoiled,” Dr. Abbott warned. “Studies show that children do well if situations of extreme stress, like a parent separation, are handled as normal as possible.”

She explained that young children (elementary school age) are “egocentric.” “They believe they are to blame for the events that occur around them,” she said. “They have to reassure the children, not just once but throughout time, that the separation is not their fault and has nothing to do with them.”

-Milesska Contreras, Anna Moeslein

Click here to view the embedded video.

More Heidi & Seal stories:

1. If Seal Has Anger Issues, Then Heidi Klum Should Leave, Says Expert
2. Heidi Klum & Seal Confirm Separation — Statement
3. Heidi Klum & Seal: Why They Shouldn’t Divorce

Experts tell Hollybaby.com Arnold SHOULD attempt a relationship with his 13-year-old love child, even if it might have negative consequences.

Now that the news is out that Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a child with his housekeeper of 20 years, Mildred Baena, the question has to be asked: Should Arnold try to bond with his now 13-year-old son? Child psychiatrists tell HollyBaby.com it’s worth a go.

“It’s certainly worth it to give a relationship a try,” psychiatrist Dr. Susan Abbott tells Hollybaby.com. “To ignore him could have very negative consequences. To know the truth and not appear to care could cause more problems.”

Mildred Baena, 50, has three other children with her former husband Rogelio Baena, who she divorced in 2008. Dr. Abbott is concerned that because the boy grew up knowing Rogelio as his father, the shock that Arnold, 63, is his true, biological parent might cause him to question his identity and his family life.

“There are so many dynamics going back and forth in this. Arnold and the boy’s father need to meet,” Dr. Abbott advises. “It’s hard to make a relationship without a meeting between fathers. It is well worth it for Arnold to give a gentlemen’s agreement a shot.”

This 13-year-old boy, who is currently at an “open age” where he is still creating himself, not only has to face the realization that Arnold is his biological dad, but also the fact that he has multiple sets of half-siblings.

Dr. Jennifer Hartstein, a child and family psychologist, tells HollyBaby.com the boy is facing a difficult time ahead. “There’s going be a lot of questions. They are going to wonder why they were kept a secret. And there will be a lot of anger, disblelief and curiosity and identity questions.”

“I think this is more a shock for the 13-year-old rather than an outright negative,” Dr. Abbott explains. “It’s more devastating news for Maria’s four kids who Arnold betrayed, along with their mother.”

Dr. Abbott has dealt with many situations where young kids find out their father is not their biological dad, and she explains that first comes shock, but then curiosity strikes.

Do you think Arnold is curious to meet his son and vice versa?

–Leigh Blickley

More Arnold Stories:

1. Alleged Schwarzenegger Love Child’s Birth Certificate Revealed! Take A Look!
2. Gigi Talks Sex Life With Arnold!
3. Should Maria Have Left Arnold?

Experts tell us that Charlie is putting his twin boys at risk by allowing his young “goddesses” to babysit. Should Child Services step in? Can you imagine what’s going on in that house?

Just when we thought Charlie Sheen‘s situation couldn’t get any worse, it does. It seems like all he has time to do these days is appear on television and talk about his “war” with CBS and his “Adonis DNA.” But, who is watching his 1½-year-old twins Max and Bob, while Charlie is off shooting interviews and mommy Brooke Mueller, who lives in the house, is MIA? His two girlfriends and the “goddesses” of “Sober Valley Lodge,” porn star Bree Olson and “nanny” Natalie Kenley. Charlie says the two have “completed the three parts” of his heart. Wow.

“Natty and Charlie have their own special connection, I have my own connection with Charlie and then Natty and I also have our own relationship,” Bree, real name Rachel Oberlin, told ABC’s Good Morning America Tuesday morning (March 1), while Kenly added, “It seems crazy to everybody else, but for us it works.” Thank God Denise Richards is caring for Sam, 6, and Lola, 5.

“Charlie has a penchant for Barbies, who seem to clone themselves once they get near him,” psychiatrist, Dr. Carole Lieberman tells HollyBaby.com. “He needs to realize that his children aren’t toys and that they need mothers with maternal instincts – not basic instincts – to raise them!” Dr. Lieberman also tells us that porn stars aren’t necessarily bad mothers, but “it certainly is putting your children at risk by having such women as caretakers.”

Dr. Abbott believes that Charlie’s lack of appropriate boundaries — including his angry interviews, drug use, in-house rehab, and multiple sexual relationships — can lead to dangerous issues and behavior. “The children’s physical safety comes first,” she says. “His public behavior is the tip of the iceberg, so inside the house must be worse. What’s happening when the twins do what toddlers do?”

Both experts believe that child services should step in at this point. “If Brooke Mueller doesn’t step in to rescue their sons, Child Protective Services should start investigating,” Dr. Lieberman advises. And Dr. Abbott agrees.

“If a parent acknowledges severe drug use, loses his job, is participating in some sort of rehabilitation,” Dr. Abbott explains, “than that is ground for investigation to see if the children are being neglected.”

Get More On Charlie Sheen:

Charlie Sheen Says CBS Is “Destroying His Family”

Charlie Sheen Has A Psychotic Break From Reality — Where Are His Kids?

Denise Richards Admits It’s Hard To Explain Charlie’s Addiction To Her Daughters

Denise Warns Charlie, No Adult Film Stars Will Babysit Our Kids!

–Leigh Blickley

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When Nicole Kidman appeared on the November 29 episode of Oprah Winfrey’s final season of Oprah, the talkshow queen asked Nicole to talk about her kids. Perhaps Nicole misheard the plural form of the question, because she spent the entire time talking about one kid, and one kid only: Her 2 1/2-year-old biological daughter, Sunday Rose, who she had with husband Keith Urban, 43. But, some people have asked, what about her other children, Isabella Cruise, 17, and Connor Cruise, 15, whom she adopted with ex-husband Tom Cruise? Why didn’t Nicole, 43, mention her other kids? Is there trouble between Nicole and her older children?

Check out our story of how adorable Sunday was when she went pumpkin shopping with her mom for Halloween!

Not necessarily, says Dr. Susan Abbott, an assistant professor of psychiatry at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine. “It really depends on the parent/child relationship,” she tells HollyBaby.com. “But I can think of a couple scenarios that would lead to her not talking about her older children. For starters, they’re teenagers, and there’s a privacy issue. Most teenagers don’t even want to walk through a mall with their parents, already, but then to have them discuss them in public? It could be embarrassing.” Do you agree, HollyMoms?

“Additionally, it could be a security issue,” Dr. Abbott continues. “Teenagers are more independent and are not always with the parents. Because they’re out in the world more, the parents might have decided not to talk about them and give them too much notice. Come to think of it, it’s pretty rare that celebrities talk at all about kids that age.”

Read our story about how Tom Cruise is worried about his son.

It’s an excellent point, and one that many might not consider as they try to examine the delicate Cruise-Kidman family dynamic. We obviously can’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but since Nicole is such a doting mom to little Sunday Rose, we should assume she is just as sensitive to the needs of Isabella and Connor, who both live with dad Tom, 48, and stepmother Katie Holmes, 31.

Earlier this year, in fact, Nicole talked about the difference in age between her oldest child and her youngest, as well as the difference in her own age when she had each of them. “For Bella and Connor I was a young mother — and for Sunday, I’m an older mother,” she said in February. Additionally, her two daughters are, “polar opposites. With Bella, I’m being someone she can confide in, while trying not to tell her what to do. With Sunday, I have to show her, teach her how to do everything … It’s really keeping me on my toes!”

Which should answer everyone’s questions!

- Roger Singer

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Just hours after Charlie Sheen destroyed his hotel room, his ex-wife Denise Richards, who was sleeping in the next room with their daughters Lola and Sam, spoke out about the incident. While the 38-year-old insists that both girls are oblivious to what their daddy did, experts disagree and warn that little Sam, 6, and Lola, 5, are losing out on having a normal childhood — and are in danger of having low self-esteem as well as other psychological issues, thanks to Charlie’s historically bad behavior.

“Having a substance-abusing parent is one of the primary causes of child psychiatric illness,” Manhattan-based child psychiatrist Dr. Susan Abbott tells HollyBaby.com. She’s especially concerned about Sam and Lola’s well-being because little girls tend to internalize family problems, which can lead to a plethora of problems. “They could have self-esteem issues as well as problems formulating their own personalities. They may believe that if Charlie is defective, then they must be as well.”

Unrepentant Charlie Sheen is in denial about the hotel debacle

Looking at any picture of the girls reveals that they’re lacking confidence. Little Lola and Sam are adorable, yet they are rarely are photographed looking up or smiling, and their eyes tend to be downcast. Dr. Abbott says it’s no surprise the girls are looking down, because when your dad is as destructive as Charlie is, there isn’t a whole lot to be proud of. “It’s natural for them to think that they’re the cause of their dad’s problems,” explains Dr. Abbott. “They probably think that they weren’t good enough to keep him off drugs.”

That’s a lot of guilt for two little girls to carry around. Dr. Abbott fears that eventually Denise’s daughters could develop eating disorders because while they have no control over their dad’s actions, they do have control over what they put inside their bodies. “They can also turn into overachievers as a way of rebelling against their dad.”

Why Denise is sticking by Charlie’s side

Denise turned to Twitter to defend her girls on Monday (Oct. 25), saying, “For the record, my kids hate the paparazzi. I can assure everyone they are very happy,” she tweeted. But, Dr. Abbott warns that their unhappiness has less to do with photographers and more to do with their papa. “Denise looks thin and stressed out right now and if she’s stressed, then you can be sure that her girls are stressed,” says Dr. Abbott, who adds that besides emotional issues, Sam and Lola are also at risk of developing physical problems including severe headaches and stomach aches due to too much stress.

Charlie’s episode won’t affect the filming of ‘Two and a Half Men’

Denise swears that the girls don’t know anything about what happened in the room next door during Charlie’s meltdown at the Plaza Hotel on Monday night, but Dr. Abbott finds that hard to believe. “We’ve all been in hotels and heard plenty of things we didn’t want to, so I find it doubtful that the girls slept straight through Charlie’s rampage,” says Dr. Abbott, who praises Denise for divorcing Charlie. “That was the best thing she could have done for her daughters. She helped protect them by divorcing him and removing him from their daily lives.” But she’s not letting her off the hook for believing that her girls are oblivious. “Sam is older and is probably more alert to what’s going on than Lola is. But if their parents are pretending that nothing’s wrong, it’s only going to lead to bigger problems and make the girls question their parents’ honesty.”

We certainly hope that it’s not too late to give these girls from a life free of drama and disappointment.

–Amy L. Harper

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Kate Hudson falls into new relationships hard and fast, but what effect is her speed dating having on her son?

Some Hollywood celebrities seem to have a revolving door when it comes to relationships, and while I’m not going to stand here in judgment of their “now you see ‘em, now you don’t” style of dating, I do wonder about the impact it is having on their kids. Case in point: Kate Hudson. Since splitting with husband rocker Chris Robinson in 2006, the Oscar nominee has been linked to a host of men, including Owen Wilson, Dax Shepard, Lance Armstrong and Alex Rodriguez. Her latest guy, Muse singer Matt Bellamy, was spotted over the weekend with her son, Ryder Robinson, (and without Kate) getting ice cream.

Since reports of them being an item surfaced in June, Kate, 31, has dragged Ryder with her to the UK as she traipsed after her new man. But now that the 7-year-old’s back at school in LA, Matt has followed her to California, where his band is touring. Despite the fact that they’ve only been together for a few months, Kate has already introduced Matt to her parents, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, and Matt is even giving Kurt guitar lessons. But given her previous dating history, is Kate getting too serious too soon? And what effect is it having on Ryder?

“Chris is a bit concerned about Ryder, and the effect all this dating might have on him,” an insider told the New York Daily News earlier this year. “But in the end he knows she’s a great mom.”

I’m glad Chris thinks so, because I have to wonder if poor Ryder wakes up every morning wondering who’s been sleeping in Mommy’s bed… and what continent he’s on.

Psychiatrist Dr. Susan Abbott of New York’s Mount Sinai School of Medicine says that speed daters like Kate need to be careful about the people they introduce into their kid’s life. “We usually warn parents against bringing in figures who the child could get attached to before the parent is sure that the new figure is going to be around,” she says. “Kids attach fairly easily and can be hurt and damaged when these new attachments leave. Kids don’t really understand the fundamentals of an adult relationship so they aren’t really able to understand that it’s not personal.”

Dr. Abbott says that she has treated children who have been in these situations and these kids “still count these experiences and lost relationships as losses years later. These lost relationships can be factors that lead to depression.”

So, here’s two words of warning, Kate: Slow Down!

–Kathy Campbell

INFphoto.com

The newly made-over mom of eight is looking for romance but her dream guy sounds like a drill sergeant! Is that really what the Gosselettes need?

If Kate Gosselin was to write a personal ad for the man of her dreams, it wouldn’t include anything about candlelit dinners or moonlit walks along the sand. Oh no. It would sound something like: Single mother of eight seeks drill sergeant. Must have loud voice and be into yelling!

The 35-year-old tells Us Weekly that she wants “a tough guy, like a cop, to whip my kids into shape.” Yikes! That sounds like a direct slam on her ex, Jon Gosselin, who is the opposite of a tough guy. In fact he’s sort of soft and squishy.

Kate obviously comes from the tough love camp, as anyone who has seen her TV shows will know. Remember last year when her daughter Mady, 9, said she was thirsty and Kate ignored her, took a sip from a bottle of water and then placed it out of Mady’s reach? Her daughter tearfully cried, “You’re really really mean!” Kate’s retort? “Be quiet.”

Experts are concerned about Kate’s description of her “perfect” man. “Tough love is sort of a misguided attempt to discipline kids when they really need a combination of limits and parental affection and love and nurturing,” says pediatric psychiatrist Dr. Susan Abbott.

She suggests that Kate is looking for someone who’s the opposite of her laid-back ex-husband because she feels like she wants to make a better choice and “find a real partner who can love her kids and structure them.”

But bringing a tough guy into her family could also totally backfire. “She should not be looking to hook a guy who is going to be her children’s disciplinarian. That’s Jon and Kate’s job,” says relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle. “How long will it be before the children turn around and say, ‘You’re not my father!’”

What Kate should be doing is making an effort to get along with her ex and co-parent her children with him.

“I hope she’s not looking for someone else to be the parent in the situation,” says Dr. Abbott. “Divorced or not, Jon and Kate should be working together in all aspects of parenting.”

But Dr. Carle has some tough love of her own for Kate: “Do the work you’re supposed to do as a mother!” She says that Kate should be concentrating more on her children and less on a new relationship. “She shouldn’t be looking for any guy! If she’s out parading around looking for a man, her children are going to be left without a mother who’s emotionally present.”

And after the year those kids have had, that’s the last thing they need.

–Kathy Campbell

Stars like Kate Hudson, Jenny McCarthy and Jon Gosselin have fallen into new relationships hard and fast, but what effect is their speed dating having on their children?

Some Hollywood celebrities seem to have a revolving door when it comes to relationships, and while I’m not going to stand here in judgment of their “now you see ‘em, now you don’t” style of dating, I do wonder about the impact it is having on their kids.

Case in point: Kate Hudson. Since splitting with husband rocker Chris Robinson in 2006, the Oscar nominee has been linked to a host of men, including Owen Wilson, Dax Shepard, Lance Armstrong and Alex Rodriguez.

During the roughly seven months that Kate was with A-Rod, she fell hard and almost immediately introduced the slugger to her son, Ryder, 6. The pair were reportedly even living together in a house just north of NYC and Kate was spending time getting to know A-Rod’s two daughters. Following in the footsteps of her mom, Goldie Hawn, and stepdad Kurt Russell, the 31-year-old apparently loved the idea of  one big, happy blended family. (Kind of like LeAnn Rimes, who calls beau Eddie Cibrian‘s sons “my boys.”)

But by December last year Kate and A-Rod had struck out, and the Bride Wars star moved quickly on, dragging her son in her wake as she dated two other guys before embarking on a cross-Atlantic relationship with 32-year-old Muse singer Matthew Bellamy.

“Chris is a bit concerned about [their son] Ryder, and the effect all this dating might have on him,” an insider told the New York Daily News earlier this year. “But in the end he knows she’s a great mom.”

I’m glad Chris thinks so, because I have to wonder if poor Ryder wakes up every morning wondering who’s been sleeping in Mommy’s bed… and what continent he’s on.

Psychiatrist Dr. Susan Abbott of New York’s Mount Sinai School of Medicine says that speed daters like Kate need to be careful about the people they introduce into their kid’s life. “We usually warn parents against bringing in figures who the child could get attached to before the parent is sure that the new figure is going to be around,” she says. “Kids attach fairly easily and can be hurt and damaged when these new attachments leave. Kids don’t really understand the fundamentals of an adult relationship so they aren’t really able to understand that it’s not personal.”

Dr. Abbott says that she has treated children who have been in these situations and these kids “still count these experiences and lost relationships as losses years later. These lost relationships can be factors that lead to depression.”

Consistency is important for children, and that would be even more important for Jenny McCarthy‘s 7-year-old son, Evan, who battled the symptoms of autism for years.

Jenny, 37, credited her five-year-long relationship with Jim Carrey with helping give her the strength to work on her son’s problems, but within four months of their split in April this year, Jenny, and presumably Evan, had moved in with her new boyfriend, Jason Toohey.

I generally think that Jenny is a great mom, but was she thinking with the wrong body part here? Possibly.

But if there was an award for thinking with his little head instead of his big one, the prize would totally go to Jon Gosselin, who has had no less than five “significant others” in his life since splitting with his wife, Kate, a little over a year ago.

I pity Jon and Kate’s eight kids. Well, I feel sorry for them them for lots of reasons, but Daddy’s Bimbo of the Week parade (Hailey Glassman, nanny Stephanie Santoro, Kate Major, Morgan Christie, Ellen Ross) must be one of the most unsettling things for these children to deal with.

Jon’s ex-wife was in tears on the Today show as she discussed the 33-year-old’s rebound relationship with Hailey less than a month after their marriage crumbled, “It’s hurtful when his decisions directly affect our children. That’s the hardest part for me.”

And for once, I agree with her.