If making viral videos was an Olympic sport — which it probably will be someday because we live in a crazy, awful world — the U.S. swim team would definitely bring home the gold with its own take on “Call Me Maybe.” Sure, these Carly Rae Jepsen-inspired videos are a dime a dozen at this point, but this new offering has something the others don’t: Speedos!

Given the flirty (and infectious) nature of this tune, I feel the need to also point out that the 2012 London Olympics are setting a record for the number of condoms officially being handed out to competitors. According to a report from the UK’s Daily Mail, more than 150,000 condoms are being distributed to athletes in the Olympic Village. (In case you’re not good at math, that’s SO MUCH SEX.)

Watch the Olympians‘ performance below — my favorite is the dude doing the underwater robot, pictured above — and prepare to feel patriotic:

Click here to view the embedded video.

— Andy Swift

Follow @AndySwift

More “Call Me Maybe” Covers:

1. Cookie Monster Spoofs Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Call Me Maybe’ — Watch
2. Barack Obama Covers Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Call Me Maybe’ — Watch
3. An Open Letter To Everyone: Please Stop Making ‘Call Me Maybe’ Videos

Apparently, the internet’s philosophy towards “Call Me Maybe” parodies is a lot like Cookie Monster‘s philosophy towards cookies: There’s always room for one more! And so, the brilliant minds at the Children’s Television Workshop have delivered their own hilarious spoof, featuring Cookie Monster, as he begs an office full of people to share their snacks. (Yeah, he’s one of those co-workers.)

But, while this song is undoubtedly catchy and adorable, it’s also somewhat disturbing. We’ve always known that Cookie Monster has a soft spot for baked goods, but the lyrics in this new spoof also shine a spotlight on the horrific truth we’ve all chosen to overlook for decades: Cookie Monster is addicted to cookies, and it’s becoming a very serious problem.

I’ve taken the liberty of collecting Cookie Monster’s five most troubling lyrics:

1. “Me trade me soul for a bite.” (He is no longer able to distinguish the value of cookies.)
2. “Me start to really freak out.” (He’s openly admitting to having withdrawal symptoms.)
3. “Me trying to sleep all night.” (His addiction is now affecting his sleeping habits.)
4. “It’s taking toll on me house.” (His home, and quality of life, are also being affected.)
5. “It’s hard to look at you snack baby.” (He can’t even make eye contact with his suppliers.)

If this isn’t a cry for help, I don’t know what is. So, now we have a choice on our hands: Are we going to sit idly by, as Cookie Monster eats himself into an early grave, or are we going to come together and get this misguided Muppet the help he so desperately deserves?

Think about that while you watch:

Click here to view the embedded video.

— Andy Swift

Follow @AndySwift

More ‘Call Me Maybe’ Spoofs:

1. Barack Obama Covers Carly Rae Jepsen’s ‘Call Me Maybe’ — Watch
2. An Open Letter To Everyone: Please Stop Making ‘Call Me Maybe’ Videos