Self-mutilation, porn, arson — and that was just season one! The L.A. Complex returns for an even more twisted second season July 17 on The CW, and HollywoodLife.com has the scoop on all the insane drama to come.

Ready? Here we go:

1. Someone threatens to kill Abby (Cassie Steele) again. That’s death threat No. 2 for those of you keeping score at home!

2. There are two new vacancies at the Lux this season, and while it doesn’t take long for Eddie to find new tenants, he should probably look into their backgrounds before handing over the keys.

3. Someone might be becoming a prostitute. Sort of.

4. Two words: Alan. Thicke. The Growing Pains dad proves to be a major thorn in Abby’s side, and if she isn’t careful, he could become a thorn in her future.

7. Nick (Joe Dinicol) and Abby have another classic roof scene. And yes, now that the show is in its second season, it’s allowed to have “classic” scenes.

6. The fallout from the finale’s confrontation between Kaldrick (Andra Fuller) and Tariq (Benjamin Charles Watson) is insane. So real and so crazy, I can’t even put it into words. Let’s just say it involves even more blood.

OK, I think that’s all I can get away with… for now. So tell me: What do you hope to see happen in season two? Which characters do you care about most? Drop me a comment with your thoughts and theories!

— Andy Swift

Follow @AndySwift

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Maybe I have a sixth sense for this sort of thing, but I knew Kaldrick King (Andra Fuller) was gay the moment he appeared on the May 1 episode of The L.A. Complex. The fact that he dropped lines like “come get my ass” and had perfectly sculpted eyebrows certainly didn’t help his cause — nor did his angry hook up with Tariq (Ben Watson) at the end of the hour. Yes, my friends, the King is a queen.

In other unsurprising news, Abby (Cassie Steele) may not be a good stripper — she didn’t know customers could touch her in the champagne room, which is like Stripping 101 — but it turns out she’s a great prostitute! She beat out Raquel (Jewel Staite) for a guest-starring role as a hooker on Cause of Death, which gave the aging actress another glorious frown line.

Seriously, just for a minute, can we discuss how God-awful Raquel is? Besides being a straight-up bitch, she’s also the literal embodiment of all that is evil and fake in Los Angeles. Kudos to Jewel for doing such a great job with her; Raquel is definitely one I’m loving to hate.

Moving onto more awkward topics, Nick (Joe Dinicol) remained completely clueless about the opposite sex this week. Not only did he completely strike out with a stand-in on the set of Connor’s (Jonathan Patrick Moore) show, but he also tried to kiss Abby — and that went equally badly.

And then there’s Alicia (Chelan Simmons), who enjoyed a glamorous night out with a washed-up child actor she met at the strip club — because, you know, that’s always a great place to meet fine, upstanding gentlemen. Ricky (Aaron Abrams) has a very Dustin Diamond-esque feel to him, and if you know how things turned out for that former Saved by the Bell star, I think you can guess what’s going to happen next. (Spoiler alert!)

What did you think of this week’s turn of events? Were you surprised to see Tariq go at it with the King? Are you holding out hope for an Abby/Nick pairing? And do you love to hate Raquel — or do you just hate her? Drop your thoughts in the comments section below!

— Andy Swift

Follow @AndySwift

More L.A. Complex News:

1. ‘L.A. Complex’ Star Ben Watson On Tariq’s ‘Forbidden Romance’
2. ‘L.A. Complex’ Series Premiere: Abortions, Strippers & More ‘WTF’ Moments
3. The CW’s ‘L.A. Complex’: Your Exclusive Guide To Who’s Who

Tariq’s (Ben Watson) career in the hop-hop industry is taking off, but because no one can have the best of both worlds on The L.A. Complex, his personal life is about to take a major hit on the May 1 episode. “At the end of the day, we’re all human beings and we all need love,” Ben tells HollywoodLife.com. ”It may be a forbidden love, but we’re in 2012 now. Nothing’s really forbidden in love, anymore.”

So what “forbidden love” is Ben talking about? OK, here’s where the spoilers start…

Tonight’s episode features a surprise hook up — or not so surprising depending on how closely you watched The CW’s promos for the show — between Tariq and hip-hop star Kaldrick King (Andra Fuller), which Ben says opens the door to a whole lot of drama.

“It’s vital to show people [this kind of relationship],” Ben says. “No one wants to talk about … being gay in the hip-hop industry. It’s a big no-no if you’re black, and it’s a big no-no if you’re in hip-hop. It’s huge, but there are so many other issues out there that I think this should be such a tiny issue, yet everyone is hiding from it. I think it’s stupid that people are hiding.”

But it’s more than just your run-of-the-mill make-out sesh. In fact, things get pretty intense between Tariq and his down-low lover.

“I’ve never filmed a love scene in front of so many people before, but you just kind of forget everyone is there,” Ben tells me. “You connect with that person, and you just go for it. There’s no preparation. As an actor, you just find something you’re totally in love with about that person and you just do it.”

Be sure to watch tonight’s all-new L.A. Complex to see exactly what goes *ahem* down between Tariq and Kaldrick, then come back to HollywoodLife.com for our take!

— Andy Swift

Follow @AndySwift

More L.A. Complex News:

1. ‘L.A. Complex’ Series Premiere: Abortions, Strippers & More ‘WTF’ Moments
2. The CW’s ‘L.A. Complex’: Your Exclusive Guide To Who’s Who

Every show on TV professes to feature countless “WTF” moments, but few are able to squeeze so many into a single hour as effortlessly as The L.A. Complex, which premiered April 24 on The CW. Real talk: When the main character gets an abortion, vomits on a piano and becomes a stripper all in the pilot episode, you’re in for an awesome ride.

The series premiere introduced viewers to the residents of the Deluxe Suites Motel, a Melrose Place-style complex whose inhabitants are as hot as the scandals they cook up. There’s Abby (Cassie Steele), a newbie actress who recently moved from Toronto; Connor (Jonathan Patrick Moore), the star of a new medical drama; Nick (Joe Dinicol), a “comedian” who’s as clueless about women as he is about comedy; Alicia (Chelan Simmons), a dancer by day and a stripper by night; Raquel (Jewel Staite), an “aging” actress who’s putting all her faith in one final project; and Tariq (Benjamin Charles Watson), a hip-hop assistant willing to do whatever it takes to make it in the music industry.

Now, please join me in counting down the four finest moments from tonight’s premiere:

1. Abby & Connor fall in love — over their first abortion:

After a beautiful, drunken night of roof-sex, Abby and Connor awoke to realize they made a big mistake. Several big mistakes, actually. Here’s word-for-word how their morning-after chat went down:

Abby: You wore a condom last night, right?
Connor: No.
Abby: Why the hell not?
Connor: You said you were on something.
Abby: Yeah, drugs!
…
Connor: I guess we should get one of those, you know, “morning after” things? … Come on, I’ll get you some breakfast, too!
Abby: Breakfast and an abortion pill? And they say there are no good guys in L.A.

2. Raquel’s racist rant:

Refusing to audition for a mom-role during a casting call, Raquel insisted the director let her audition for the best-friend part. After being told the best friend was meant for a black actress, Raquel spewed out the following rant — in a room full of black actresses:

“So you’re making the best friend black? That’s kind of a cliché, don’t you think? I mean, who has a black best friend, right? Like, in real life, if you’re trying to be all authentic. [To a black woman] Do you have a white best friend? Do any of you have a white best friend? No, right?”

(Smooth move, Raquel. Not at all racist.)

3. Abby vomits… everywhere:

After being evicted from her apartment and having to squat at the Luxe, Abby finally caught a lucky break by scoring an audition — but she quickly learned that auditions and abortions don’t mix. The Plan B pill made her super nauseous, and she ended up puking all over the piano.

Abby: I’m not contagious! I just took the Morning After pill, like, an hour ago.
Director: Abby, there’s an old saying in show business: When there’s vomit on the piano, it’s time to stop the audition.

Oh well, at least she sounded good!

4. Surprise! Alicia’s a stripper… and now so is Abby:

Abby was thrilled when Alicia told her she could get her an under-the-table job, but ended up getting more than she bargained for when she realized what Alicia really did for money. So how will Abby cut it as a stripper? You’ll find out next week.

And trust me, it’s good.

So what did you think of The L.A. Complex? Who’s your favorite character? Have you already made a home for it on your DVR? Drop your thoughts on my personal new addiction in the comments section below!

— Andy Swift

Follow @AndySwift