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Posted Sun, January 2, 2011 10:42pm EDT

Andy's 'Desperate Housewives' Recap: We Finally Know Who Shot Paul Young… Or Do We?

We didn’t get the answer we’d hoped for, but the plot is now thicker than Orson’s head of luscious Republican hair.

Like every episode that came before it, the Jan. 2 installment of Desperate Housewives was all about secrets. René (Vanessa Williams) finally revealed to Lynette (Felicity Huffman) that she slept with Tom (Doug Savant) 20 years ago; Gabby (Eva Longoria) and Carlos (Ricardo Chavira) dealt with the fallout of Juanita (Madison De La Garza) learning she isn’t their biological daughter; and Bree (Marcia Cross) got a visit from her favorite four-wheeled ex-husband, who was harboring a little secret of his own…

Surprise, surprise — Orson (Kyle MacLachlan) still has feelings for Bree! He came crawling (uh, rolling) back to her and ended up getting into a ridiculous food fight with her new housemate Keith (Brian Austin Green.) Fortunately, he realized his place when he saw Bree and Keith getting down and dirty in a patch of manure. Really, it was a very beautiful moment.

Gabby, meanwhile, appears to have booked herself a one-way ticket to Crazytown. When Juanita’s therapist urged Gabby and Carlos to remove all photos of their biological daughter Grace from their house, he had a much easier time doing so than she did. In fact, Gabby even bought a Grace look-alike doll, which she cradled in her arms like a little baby at the end of the episode. Cue The Twilight Zone theme song.

Still, they’re all doing better than Susan (Teri Hatcher), who’s now hospitalized and awaiting a kidney transplant. I kept volunteering to give her one of mine, but the doctors didn’t hear me through the TV. I obviously was not shouting loudly enough.

And now for the question that was on everyone’s mind after last week’s cliffhanger: Who shot Paul Young (Mark Moses)? While the writers would have liked us to believe it was Mike (James Denton), it looks as though the verdict is still out. In fact, the prime suspect appears to be Paul’s “loving” wife Beth (Emily Berg), who Paul NOW knows is the daughter of his jailbird nemesis Felicia (Harriet Harris.)

Oh. Snap.

— Andy Swift