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Posted Wed, March 31, 2010 1:00pm EDT

EXCLUSIVE! Jesse James — $45,000 For A Month At This 'Spa' Rehab Will NOT Win Sandra Bullock Back!

New Details! Jesse James’ super expensive “spa” rehab center that treats sexual addiction! Their daily activities include massages, yoga, and a private chef! Does he really want to be taken seriously?

Jesse James, do you really think coughing up $45,000 for a month of “treatment” at the super chic Sierra Tuscon rehab facility in Tuscon, Az., is going to get Sandra Bullock to come home to you?

You’ve cheated with multiple women — four that we know of right now.  Jesse, you need to get some serious help if Sandra is even going to THINK of coming back to you! You don’t really deserve such a talented, successful, gorgeous woman … but if you really do have a problem with sex addiction, and are trying to work it out, maybe we would support her taking you back.

But why did you choose Sierra Tuscon as your rehab center? Sure, it treats individuals who suffer from sex addiction — but considering the activities the program entails (yoga, massages, high-end cuisine) it’s almost as if you’ve chosen to go on a spa vacation. It’s hard for us to believe you’re actually trying to get help with all these luxurious activities you’ll be taking part in!

Check out what Jesse’s exclusive fancy “rehab” is like!

  • Cost: Sierra Tuscon costs $45,000 per month!
  • Size: The entire facility accommodates 80 people, and Jesse’s sex rehab program would only have 10-15 people in it.
  • Gourmet Cuisine: Patients will have their meals prepared by a personal chef! “[Our chef] uses the finest ingredients in the preparation of nutritious meals,” totes the center’s Web site.
  • Specialized Work-Outs: Jesse will have a personal trainer! Sierra Tuscon has “a fitness specialist works with each person to design a program to fit his or her needs.” It also offers a climbing wall and yoga classes.
  • Spa Amenities: The center offers massage therapy and acupuncture. How luxurious!
  • High-End Rooms: Jesse won’t be bunking it! “Our rooms are designed like nice hotel rooms,” the center boasts.
  • Nice View: The facility is located on 160 acres at the foot of the Santa Catalina mountains, where patients can enjoy the gorgeous nature.

Jesse, you should have taken a tip from Tiger Woods and gone to a scrappy, no-frills rehab if you wanted ANYONE to take you seriously! —Chloe Melas

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