The season hasn’t even started yet, and I’m already tuning out! Are you disinterested as I am?
Has Dancing with the Stars officially jumped the shark? ABC officially announced the cast of the reality hit’s upcoming 11th season Aug. 30, and it contains some of the most BORING names to ever appear on reality TV. Bristol Palin and Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino are the two biggest names, and possibly the only two truly relevant pop culture figures in the bunch. But “relevant” and “interesting” are two very different things.
Seriously, do people like “The Situation”‘s cheesy swagger, mindless catchphrases and over-exposed abs? The Jersey Shore bunch might be good for a laugh once a week, but I have a hard time picturing most of the country voting to see MORE of him!
And I don’t even have words for Bristol. The 19-year-old single mom said she’s glad she’s doing the show because it’ll allow her to spend more time with her infant son Tripp. Hey, Bristol, you know what else would allow you to spend time with your son? NOT going on a reality show! Don’t you have classes to register for? Kids these days!
The remaining 10 cast members exist on various ends of the yawn-o-meter (an invention I’m considering trademarking, by the way.) Here’s my quick rundown of each boring dancer:
- Brandy: Oh, for the love of Ray J! Are you serious with this one? No one misses Moesha.
- Florence Henderson: I loves me some Brady Bunch reruns, but I wasn’t exactly craving another Cloris Leachman.
- Jennifer Grey: Maybe it’s because I’m a 22-year-old male, but I couldn’t care less about Jennifer Grey.
- Margaret Cho: I liked her better when she was fat.
- Audrina Patridge: Aha! I finally figured out what Audrina’s been staring at on the ceiling all these years — the DWTS disco ball! Seriously, though, Audrina was the most boring girl on The Hills next to Whitney Port. Let’s hope that changes.
- Rick Fox: Wait, that guy who cheated on Vanessa Williams? No thanks.
- Kurt Warner: Buh… foozball?
- Kyle Masey: No one was asking for this, but if we HAVE to have a washed-up Disney star, why can’t it be Raven-Symoné? Color me disappointed.
- David Hasselhoff: If he agreed to eat cheeseburgers on the dance floor, or give a grandiose performance of “Hooked on a Feelin,” I might be excited for this. Otherwise, I’ll pass.
- Michael Bolton: No explanation needed.
After last season’s buzz-worthy cast (I may not be a Kate Gosselin fan, but she did bring in the ratings) the show is facing a serious slump. Where are the Lindsay Lohans? The Paris Hiltons? The Kara DioGuardis? When it comes to controversy, Bristol Palin’s teen motherhood is barely a hiccup compared to the scandalous people the show could have wrangled up for season 11.