1. “Who told you you could have a baby here tonight?” – Random KKT girl
2. “I am not missing ‘Waterfalls’ for this. ‘Waterfalls’ is my jam.” – Same random
3. “Excuse me, ‘White Mammy.’ I have a question & it’s just a hypothetical. If I asked you if you knew somethin’ ’bout berthin’ no babies or if you knew nothin’ ’bout berthin’ no babies,’ what would you say?” – Chanel to Dean Mammy
4. “Do you think you like to munch box because your last name is Munsch, or is that just a coincidence?” – Chanel to Dean Munsch
5. “Ok someone turn me into Jada Pinkett Smith” – ex Kappa president before a spray tan.
6. “We have a side boob mixer, followed by a white party, where everyone is encouraged to be slash wear white.” – Gigi
7. “They’re the dregs of society… ‘Neckbrace,’ real name Hester: History major She smells like hot dog water and probably sprained her neck giving blumpkins down at the local bowling alley.” Chanel
8. “What fresh Hell is this?” – Chanel
9. “I am gonna barf on your face unless you get out of here.” – Dean to Chad
10. “I love all that death stuff. I got my first boner watching Faces of Death.” – Chad to Chanel
11. “How did you get HPV? When were you in Mexico?” – Chanel
12. “Good evening idiot hookers.” – Chanel
13. “Ok, Pissy Spacek.” – Chanel
14. “It’ll be fun, like a Friends episode… but someone’s trying to murder all the Friends.” – Gigi
15. “Is this scotch? It’s 10AM?” – Wes
16. “Sorry, I just broke up with you, bye.” – Chad
17. “Private like the parts of a man that you like to put in your mouth?” – Boon
18. “Shandell, why you gotta knife through your throat?” – Denise
19. “Ever since I broke up with you, I banged like 50 chicks.” – Chad
— Emily Longeretta
Follow @emilylongeretta