Ever wished for a silent bag of Doritos for your purse so men won’t know that you, a lady, eat? Good news! JK. See memes about Doritos’ absurd proposed chips!
Mmmm…what a delicious solution to a problem that doesn’t exist. PepsiCo, the parent company of Doritos, gleefully announced that they’re working on a type of chip specifically for women. That’s not a joke, though we sincerely wish it were. The CEO of PepsiCo, Indra Nooyi, said in a recent interview with Freakonomics Radio that the company’s zeroed in on what women apparently want and need when they’re snacking: a quieter bag, less flavor residue on their fingers, and something that fits in their purse. Sure, okay. That doesn’t sound like something any woman has ever been upset about, but we sure are now! Here’s what Nooyi had to say about the supposed problem with Doritos:
When you eat out of a flex bag — one of our single-serve bags — especially as you watch a lot of the young guys eat the chips, they love their Doritos, and they lick their fingers with great glee, and when they reach the bottom of the bag they pour the little broken pieces into their mouth, because they don’t want to lose that taste of the flavor, and the broken chips in the bottom. Women would love to do the same, but they don’t. They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers generously and they don’t like to pour the little broken pieces and the flavor into their mouth….For women, low-crunch, the full taste profile, not have so much of the flavor stick on the fingers, and how can you put it in a purse? Because women love to carry a snack in their purse.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been deterred from eating a delicious snack because it offended your delicate lady sensibilities? No one? Exactly. The unnecessary gendering of yet another formerly benign product (what’s up, Bic pens for Her!) has women enraged and wholly amused at the notion that being a woman means that they never go to town on a bag of chips because they’re afraid of getting Cool Ranch dust on their tiny, manicured hands.That’s pretty much the whole point of eating Doritos. Imagine the scandal if we had to take off our corsets and crinolines after eating too many single-serving bags! Someone get our smelling salts! Twitter, of course, was ready with the memes and tweets about this ridiculous business idea:
good news everyone I was hired to design the bag for chick doritos pic.twitter.com/xWAbzLYGcO
— no great matter (@BringDaNoyz) February 5, 2018
idk what you are all talking about, doritos is clearly sitting on a goldmine. pic.twitter.com/0avWAonxdc
— the exasperated spinster (@slodwick) February 5, 2018
About to sit down and write an angry letter to Doritos. pic.twitter.com/CXEWt1Xb1s
— Molly Hodgdon (@Manglewood) February 5, 2018
women: give us equal pay
the world: look, a KFC female colonel!
women: we said equal pay
the world: doritos won't crunch anymore!!!
women: EQUAL PA-
the world: have you tried "BIC PENS FOR HER"??
— Ali Vingiano (@alivingiano) February 5, 2018
Now that Doritos has delivered us from sexism, what are we gonna do instead of a women’s march next year, gals, should we just hang out quietly eating chips?
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 5, 2018
Hahahahaha I love living in 1928 pic.twitter.com/viIPEVlRLu
— Emma Blackery (@emmablackery) February 5, 2018
Has anyone at Doritos ever met a lady
— Danielle Sepulveres (@ellesep) February 5, 2018
When I eat Doritos, I tear off all my clothes and rub the dust all over my body in great glee. then i soil myself and collapse in an exhausted heap for ten hours. a woman simply can't do that sort of thing
— MKupperman (@MKupperman) February 5, 2018
My husband has threatened to divorce me over my loud chomping and and crummy fingers on numerous occasions. Thanks, Doritos, for looking at the social climate and being like, Fuck it.
— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) February 5, 2018
Is your man sick of listening to you crunch on Doritos? Lend him a pair of your women’s ear plugs. A product that also exists and is just as necessary as ladies Doritos. pic.twitter.com/tkvSlz8ONb
— Kiley Edgley (@kwolverine) February 5, 2018
Don't worry, I have a column coming up that mansplains the whole women-friendly Doritos thing: pic.twitter.com/Ypv13vzPam
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) February 5, 2018
When will there be Doritos for MEN
— Paul F. Tompkins (@PFTompkins) February 5, 2018
The only good thing about the new quiet “Lady Doritos” is now they can’t hear us coming pic.twitter.com/irMRblNDP4
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) February 5, 2018
HollywoodLifers, what are your thoughts on “lady Doritos?”