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‘The Bachelor’: Vanessa — You Need To Compromise With Nick Or Love Won’t Work

Tue, March 7, 2017 11:25am EDT by Bonnie Fuller 2 Comments

Vanessa Grimaldi — you clearly have the most honest relationship with Nick Viall that he’s ever had. And actually this could be the most authentic relationship that ‘The Bachelor’ has ever shown us on TV. Still, that doesn’t mean it will work without compromise.

Vanessa Grimaldi, you got great advice from Nick Viall’s dad, Christopher Viall, in the promo for The Bachelor season finale that we saw last night. March 6. You need to listen to him. We saw you ask for his advice in the show’s final episode: “Do you think love is enough to make a relationship last?” you asked. It’s definitely a crucial question and one that millions of couples around the globe ask themselves as they’re considering whether or not to take the giant step of committing to marriage with someone that they love.

Nick’s dad didn’t disappoint you Vanessa when he gave his honest answer. He told you straight up that love isn’t enough, and this is the big key — “You have to sacrifice.” Every happily married couple would tell you the same thing. Marriage is not a “your way” or the highway situation. Vanessa you need to take this advice seriously. Very seriously. And so does Nick. But, I think you are trying to get engaged to Nick only on “your” terms.

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I give you major kudos for, all along in this crazy Bachelor process, keeping your self esteem and self respect. You refused to accept that a potential husband — Nick — would entertain the idea of actually only wanting a hot playmate. You confronted Nick after he made out with nanny-needing Corinne in front of you and the rest of The Bachelor contestants, and you told him that you wouldn’t be interested in a man who wanted a little girl and not a woman. The fact that you wouldn’t compromise on your need for maturity in a man was applaudable. You were totally right not to compromise about that.

However, you are now at a different place in your relationship with Nick. You are admittedly “in love” with Nick and the two of you are trying to seriously figure out whether a marriage with each other could work… forever. This is where you can’t have everything your way, Vanessa. Last night on the season’s fantasy suite episode, you told Nick that you wouldn’t compromise your “core values.” And Vanessa, neither you nor Nick should compromise on core values — fidelity, whether you do or don’t want children, whether you both will pursue careers or not, for example.

However, when you said that your commitment to your family at home in Montreal was a core value, you had what many men would consider to be a road block attached. You said that you would want your husband to commit to joining you every Sunday for a three-hour lunch with your family — your parents, siblings and more. On one hand, your commitment as a loving daughter, 29, and sibling is impressive. It’s wonderful that you love your family so much and want to spend a dedicated block of time with them every week.

For some men, that would be fine. Especially for a man who grew up like you in your hometown of Montreal and who had perhaps known you and your family for years. But, is that a realistic expectation for life with Nick Viall, a 36 year-old man who is used to having his independence, and who is also very close to his own family?

Marriage is a hard enough adjustment already, especially for a couple that met under highly unnatural circumstances and has known each other for only a short period of time. Can you really demand that a commitment to you is also a commitment to a 3-hour family lunch every single week?

Maybe I’m making too much of this, but I think it’s a difficult adjustment for a man like Nick, who has been living only for himself for so long, to then take on a wife and her needs, along with the needs of her immediate family. And Vanessa, you may see their deep interest and love for you as reassuring, but Nick may see it as suffocating.

Then, there’s the location issue. You made it pretty clear to Nick that you expect him to move to your hometown of Montreal, Canada. That, of course, is a huge decision for Nick, who seems to be based between Chicago, LA and Milwaukee. Not only would he have to establish his career anew in Montreal — a huge deal for a man of 36 ie can he even do that? But, he would need to get working papers in Canada and that could probably happen only after you married.

Of course, on the other hand, if you were open to moving for Nick, you’d be the one who was compromising and re-establishing. You love your work as a special needs teacher in Montreal, so it would be a major decision to uproot and find a new job wherever Nick is.

These are very big decisions and being “in love” is not enough to overcome the challenges you two will face if you agree to get engaged. And for you — being engaged is as committed as being married, which is something you only want to do once. That’s why Vanessa, you must be willing to compromise and so must Nick. There is no possible hope for you two in the short or long term if you both don’t look beyond lust and love and talk about the big issues and how you can meet in the middle.

Do you agree HollywoodLifers? Let us know!