This season of ‘The Bachelor’ will feature weekly blogs by the one and only villain, Chad Johnson. Here’s his week two break down.
This Monday was the second episode of The Bachelor, and thus I bring you my second weekly recap. We start out with Danielle M. and Nick Viall going on the first one-on-one. They hop into a helicopter, and Nick pretends to be a traffic news person, speaking of accidents on the 101 highway. Danielle asks, “How do you know the streets here?”
“Well we’re flying above Santa Monica and this is where my acting classes are,” Nick says. Well not really, but that’s what he was thinking! Anyways, the helicopter lands on a yacht and the two proceed to sit on the front of the boat and drink wine, then sit at the back of the boat and drink wine, and I’m almost 95 percent sure they spoke words to each other, but really who cares? This date was simply about the romanticism of taking a badass helicopter onto a sweet yacht. Drink it in ladies. This is romance.
I guess the date went well, since they kissed a few times. For the next activity, we begin in the middle of some grassy “senior pictures” type of place, where each girl is set up with different costumes and told they will be taking pics with Nick; whoever has the best chemistry wins. Everything is going quite pleasantly normal, in that it is super cringy and overly cheesy, until it’s Corinne‘s turn, when she decides to pop off her bathing suit top and have Nick hold her bare boobies for pics… Awesome. The girls cannot handle the sexy. The other girls are appalled that she would dare to do this — most likely because the thought of middle aged housewives from the midwest calling them a slut on Instagram scared them. It upsets them that Corinne possesses enough confidence to not care about the Bachelor Nation backlash, that she will surely endure. At the end of the date, Corinne gets the rose and other girls are furiously jelly.
Next up, Nick and some girls are off to get into pretend fights and have a pretend break up. I have no clue what the reason for this activity is, and it literally makes zero sense. But life doesn’t make sense, so let’s get on with it. One girl slaps Nick in her pretend break up, which clearly Nick does not approve of. Liz comes in not even doing the activity, but instead explains her reasons for not contacting Nick after she had sex with him at Jade and Tanner’s wedding. Nobody understands what she is talking about because at this point, she has only told one girl she had sex with Nick. Blah blah blah, this date ends and we move onto Nick having a conversation with her.
He basically tells her that she had the opportunity to contact him for nine months and never did so, so she must leave now, abruptly putting an end to Liz’s search for fame. Lesson learned and ladies take note, if you are going to sleep with male contestants of The Bachelor in an effort to use that storyline to get onto The Bachelor, make sure to have good reasoning as to why you didn’t make the relationship work outside the show in the first place. Otherwise, you’ll just come on to TV and look like a past contestant’s dirty friend who is also wanting to pawn teeth whitener and hair vitamins on Instagram.
After he sent Liz home, he explained to the remaining girls on the group date that he had sex with Liz awhile back. Every girl looks upset and basically realizes Nick is, in fact, a dirty boy. Next week, we;ll see that for the first time ever, a bunch of girls appear to want to bail on the show because The Bachelor himself is not really in it for love, and it’s too obvious to all of the contestants.