The most bloody anticipated TV event of the year is finally here. The two-hour premiere of ‘Scream Queens’ was absolutely hilarious, but through the laughs there was actually, a lot of blood. Warning: spoilers coming!
Let’s start off at the very beginning. In 1995, a baby is born in the bathtub of Kappa Kappa Tau — of course, it’s an inconvenience to everyone at the party, especially since “Waterfalls” is on, and they can’t miss that, obvi. So they decided to return to the girl in the bathtub who just gave birth, after the song — but when they get back, she’s dead.
Skip ahead to 2015, and say hello to Chanel Oberlin (Emma Roberts) and her mininons: Chanel #2 (Ariana Grande), Chanel #3 (Billie Lourde) and Chanel #5 (Abigail Breslin) — four got Meningitis and died. So here’s the background on Chanel. She actually used to be a minion but got kicked out and didn’t even get to continue her task, spray tanning the president. However, that girl did get her spray tan — with acid that burned her skin off. So, maybe Chanel killed her? Who knows, but that was the first glance we got at the Red Devil who entered the room right before she died.
After harassing the maid (Jan Hoag), who she calls “White Mammy,” she’s informed she has to go see Dean Munsch (Jamie Lee Curtis), who literally couldn’t hate her more — and claims she’s the reason the world is the way it is. The Dean tells her that the charter would be revoked, in her attempt to take down KKT — and in comes Gigi (Nasim Pedrad), the president of the sorority organization (and the lawyer) who is stuck in the ’90s — ie. has great fashion. So, they countered offered: Dean Munsch would allow it to stay there, as long as anyone who wanted to join, could. That included a group of kids that would absolutely be in the Glee club: (in Chanel’s words) a “predatory lesbian,” “neckbrace girl” (Lea Michele) and a “deaf Taylor Swift.”
There was also the new girl in Grace (Skyler Samuels) and her roommate Zayday (Keke Palmer). Grace has a super hot dad Wes (Oliver Hudson) and they’re BFFs since her mom died when she was two. The only thing she really knows about her is that she was in KKT, so she wants to join. She immediately catches the eye of Pete (Diego Boneta) who can’t make “an extra hot pumpkin spice latte with no foam,” the right way for Chanel. He clicks with Grace, the anti-Chanel, right away, and warns her about KKT. But she finds out for herself very quickly.
And The Murders Begin
During the first pledge night, someone finds a shrine of Chanel’s face scratched out, so she decides to march into the maid, and throw her face in the fryer — a plan they came up with to scare the girls, and not actually turn the fryer on. Except, it is on. Yup, white manny is dead. So when Grace wants to go to the police, Chanel threatens to tell the police she did it, and all the pledges (except Zayday) agree since she promises them boyfriends and private jet ride to Cancun. So they all hide the body — and Pete is watching.
Grace goes to Pete to tell him everything (he already knows) and agrees to help him write an expose for the paper to fix KKT and return it to the way it was when her mom was there. Their first step: examining the body. Except when they go back to it, they see Chanel and her on-again off-again boyfriend, Chad (Glen Powell) there (he gets totally turned on by dead bodies) and Chanel sees that the body is gone. Could she be alive?
Side note: Chad and his BFF Boone (Nick Jonas) basically hate Chanel because she’s becoming less popular with KKT accepting everyone. Chad is also sleeping with the dean, and has told her he’s in love with her. Anyways…
Chanel basically freaked out after Miss Bean (white mammy’s real name) went missing so she tried getting all the Chanels to take a blood oath, but that didn’t really work. No. 5 revealed she had HPV; No. 2 freaked out because she couldn’t stay quiet, so she wanted to go home. While packing, the devil came to her door and they exchanged some texts, while standing in front of each other. The best part of the scene is when he texts her that the’s going to kill her, she answers with “wait whaaaaat?” She gets stabbed, then crawls to her computer to try to Tweet for help. She gets stabbed again before sending — but wakes up for one last minute, to send the tweet. And then she’s dead. Yes really, bye Ariana! Nice knowin’ ya.
A Murder You Can’t Hide
At the start of Hell Week, Chanel and Grace go get coffee and she offers her a spot as Chanel No. 6. Obv Grace says no, and for a minute, Chanel seems to be real and just sad about her boyfriend, friends, and parents. But that was only for .5 seconds. She then says she tried — and Grace storms out. In the mean time, the other pledges were all being buried (Heathers style), with their heads above the grass, for the whole night to get to know each other. In the middle of the night, the devil comes around on a lawn mower — and chops the head off of Deaf Taylor Swift. And she couldn’t even hear it coming.
Now that a murder has taken place in the front yard, there’s no way to hide it, and the campus is flipping out. All the pledges must move into the house, but what about Chanel no. 2’s dead body? Luckily, Hester knows how to dismantle a body. So yeah she’s obsessed with death and now wants to call them all “mom.” I love it.
Meanwhile, Grace continues snooping around: in the basement she finds a locked room that only Chanel has the key too. Then later she finds the bathtub from ’95 — along with a “party mix” with “Waterfalls” on it. Chanel catches her snooping, and fills her in on how it all got covered up — Dean Munsch and Ms. Bean helped. Wait what? When Grace goes to fill in Pete they finally have an un-romantic kiss. But even though he’s in his tiny black briefs, nothing else happens — she finds the red devil costume in his closet. He claims its just because he’s the school mascot. But she runs out scared (and says she was totally going to go to third base. Way to go!)
Side note, we’re pretty sure he’s not the devil — he breaks into the Dean’s office, and writes down the names he had found. However, he gets caught by the red devil, and he doesn’t kill him, but instead puts a MYOB (Mind your own business) sign on his chest and hangs him on a hook.
What she doesn’t know is that she’s not the only hot commodity on campus: her dad is. That’s right, when Wes visits the Dean to demand his daughter be pulled out, she hits on him. And she convinces him that it’s better to keep her safe on campus. He agrees, only if he can get a job on campus. That’s okay with everyone, especially the girls. He actually parked outside the KKT house, and Gigi comes out to let him know she’s watching over Grace. They obviously click over their love for ’90s music and decide to head on a date. But the Dean is watching — and she’s not happy.
Boone’s Secret Is Out
Now onto my favorite: Boone. During a hook up, Chanel gets pissed and decides to tell Chad she needs a break. So he heads back to his room and gets in his twin bed, next to his BFF Boone’s twin bed. Boone, stuffed animal and all, asks if he can get in bed with him, because he’s scared. Chad reminds his BFF that the last time he got in bed with him, he got scared and touched his “wiener.” Yes, Nick Jonas’ character is gay but the other brothers don’t know because frats aren’t big on it, so Chad is hiding his secret. So Chad agrees he can lay with him but no touching — and yes, Chanel walks in and sees them in bed together.
Later on, Chanel heads to her room (to get white eye liner to be able to write on Zayday’s skin LOL) and the devil attacks her, writing “SLUTS WILL DIE” on her wall. However, his next visit is Boone’s house.
But first, Boone approaches Chanel about outing him — she’s obvi already told the Chanels. So, he tells her instead he wants to come out on his own… and join KKT. She knows it will get media, so she’s in. However, while working out later, he gets that visit. Hours later, the brothers come to get him, and find him dead on the table, surrounded by candles, his throat slit.
So wait, is he dead? Well, the last scene shows the devil heading to the morgue, and pulling out Boone’s body. He then leans over, pulls off the patch over Boone’s neck, making it look like his throat is slit. “What took you so long?” Boone asks.
Alright guys, please let us know — who do you think the killer is off the bat?
— Emily Longeretta