Clare’s tears, Carly’s sex drive, and Joe’s uh, happy(?) face: yes, that all went down on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ on the August 16 episode. This week’s theme sort of felt like ‘He’s Just Not That Into You,’ mixed with a bad porn. No really.
This week’s Bachelor in Paradise started off right where it left off last week — Clare Crawley ran off crying, and Chris Harrison talked her out of her panic attack. So, back to the rose ceremony she went, where she saved JJ. It wasn’t a surprise that Juelia believed everything that Joe had said and gave him her rose. So, that left Michael, Mikey and Jonathan, who got sent home. Not to worry, replacements were coming.
The next morning came up and Joe got his wish — Samantha arrived, right after Juelia told the girls that she “loves” him. Oddly, Juelia said that Samantha was her closest friend in the house during Chris Soules‘ season — but apparently it didn’t matter since the moment she walked in, she asked Joe on a date right away. Apparently Joe and Sam had talked before the show, yet he lied about it to everyone.
So, on to the most uncomfortable date of all time: Sam and Joe went to a “sexy” photo shoot with People magazine, and it was literally making me cringe. Seriously — ABC zoomed in on his crotch, and she said he was “excited” — however it just got worse. Somehow. As the episode went on, we literally saw Joe and Sam getting uh, hot and heavy (that’s the PG version) in the hot tub and it literally was NSFW – I kind of wish ABC hadn’t shown it all. The worst was the editing, putting it together with Juelia — a widow — who was having a Facetime conversation with her daughter. But I know you want to see… so, here you go. I warned you:
Joe later admitted he had talked with Samantha beforehand for about a month, via texts and phone calls. So, Dan pulled him aside so that Juelia would have the chance to really talk to him. She pretty much forced an apology out of him — and just proved to everyone that he wasn’t a villain worth talking about, just a scumbag. He literally couldn’t remember Juelia’s name. Finally, Juelia just pulled Samantha aside to warn her. We’ll see that on Monday night.
He’s Just Not That Into You — Or Is He?
The whole episode wasn’t about Joe though — we actually saw Carly and Kirk take their relationship to the next level. He wasn’t sure at first, but it seemed like that changed after he heard her talk to her brother on the phone. That was enough for him to get them a hotel room together. As for Ashley S. and Dan, who seemed happier than ever, we found out that he wasn’t actually that into her either, after seeing some “red flags.”
Enter Megan, also from Chris’ season — who caught Dan’s eye. However, she chose JJ for her date; she even woke him up from a deep sleep (ugh, imagine that morning breath). Unfortunately, there was too much Joe and not enough JJ this week. Until tomorrow…
— Emily Longeretta