You’re sailing along in a relationship, when all of a sudden, bam — the whole thing implodes. What once was love turns into a nasty breakup, and it can seem hopeless that you’ll ever find ‘the one’! Sound familiar? Fortunately, we’ve got expert tips from Tamsen Fadal, relationship pro and author of ‘The New Single’, to help you get back in the dating saddle.
It happens to the best of us: what was once a great relationship can dissolve into an epic breakup. Celeb couples provide endless examples — just look at a perfect romance like the one Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber had. When it falls apart, breakups are the worst, and healing is never easy. As luck would have it, Tamsen Fadal, newscaster, matchmaker and author of The New Single, available June 2 on Amazon for $15.99, has all of the advice you need on how to get off your couch, ditch the ice cream carton and get back into the dating world again!
Post-Breakup Dating Tips: Starting A New Relationship
Tamsen has seen and done it all: the dream wedding, the great marriage…and then the crash and burn when her husband’s alleged cheating with another woman was splashed across Page Six. However, getting divorced and dealing with the fallout only made Tamsen stronger. Lucky for us, she stopped by the HollywoodLife office to share all her advice on how to dive back into the dating pool!
Tip #1: Set your boundaries. When you start getting back out to date, do it your way. “I tried to be the fun girl who spent time going to bars and yelling over people to talk, but that’s not me,” Tamsen admits. “When I came home, I would be exhausted and disappointed. If you know something is not for you, don’t do it.” This is your time, and you should use it to decide how you want your life to look, including what kind of activities you like. “Don’t let yourself be led around because you feel other people know what is better for you,” Tamsen says.
Tip #2: Know the rules of dating a new person. Tamsen has a few tips to ensure you’re not wasting your time on the dating scene. First, if he hasn’t called, then “he’s not interested. If a man doesn’t call, you are not on his mind,” she says. Next, a new man is not your bestie. “Don’t use a guy as your best friend, your therapist or your confidant,” Tamsen advises. “He wants to be an equal partner. Don’t cross the streams.” Finally, leave the L-Word to him: “Just because he is nice to you, doesn’t mean he is in love with you.” Tamsen suggests allowing him to fall “in like” with your first. “Both people must truly like each other in order to love each other!”
Tip #3: Do not date someone who’s “sort of” single. Tamsen is perplexed by why single women are attracted to certain married men, but it happens. If you find yourself in that situation, “please turn on your stilettos and run”! As Tamsen stresses, “A married men is not on the menu. [You are] no one’s second choice.” There are plenty of lines that may be tried on you, including “we’re not divorced because of the kids,” and “we have an open relationship. We both see other people”. This will save you from heartache and time spent being angry at someone who’s never 100% been there for you in the first place.
Tip #4: Have fun and don’t look for love. “What you need is to have fun, not fall in love right now,” Tamsen says. “Figure out what you need. Date multiple people. You just got out of a committed relationship. If you jump into another one, you may end up with the same type of partner you just broke up with.” Just because someone else has it, doesn’t mean you need it, too! You don’t have to find a partner right away — it’s okay to test the waters and see different people.
Tip #5: Jump online. Online dating is a great way to connect and meet some good people. Tamsen has some rules to help out: “I always recommend a paid site because there is a minor investment in it to be able to meet people.” Once you’re on and create a profile, start talking to people, but avoid time suckers. “Get offline and in person as quickly as possible. Spend a little time online getting to know the person, but not weeks. Otherwise, all you have is a pen pal, not a date!” Finally, if there’s no chemistry, move on. “Don’t try to spare his feelings by prolonging something that you know is not going to work, Tamsen says. Dating online is hard because you’re putting yourself out there, but it’s a huge step back into the world postbreakup.
Of course, it’s always a case-by-case learning experience, but hopefully you can translate Tamsen’s tips to work for you. Check out her latest book, The New Single, and you’ll be on your way to an even better relationship the next time around.
HollywoodLifers, will you be trying out this expert advice? Let us know!
— Gabriella Ginsberg