Man your battle stations, guys, because all of the ‘Real Housewives of New York’ got together in The Hamptons. No really, all of them, so of course, we had our first blowout of the season!
What happens in The Hamptons never stays in The Hamptons– not on The Real Housewives of New York, anyway. On the Apr. 14 episode, all eight of this season’s women rendezvoused at the beach for LuAnn de Lesseps‘ housewarming party. Naturally, with all of the ladies in one (wine-drenched spot), the fun didn’t last very long. In fact, an old feud was very quickly (welcome back, Bethenny Frankel!), and it brought some seriously psychotic behavior. Just another day in RHONY!
The ladies waste no time talking about, well, the other ladies. “I have to tell you, honestly, I’m not really looking forward to seeing Sonja,” Heather says. And we’re off!
At a different Hamptons abode, Ramona Singer and Dorinda Medley pull up to Ramona’s house, the one she’s shared with Mario for nearly 20 years. Obviously, being back in the house is stirring up some difficult emotions for Ramona.
So she immediately opens a midday bottle of wine.
These two, also, get to the Sonja-trashing pretty quickly. “Everybody knows about Sonja Morgan in New York City,” Dorinda says. “If you live on the Upper East Side, she’s sort of an urban myth.” Ramona starts to describe what we saw happening on last week’s episode, primarily that Sonja is not always capable of “going to the next level” of communication with someone else.
No offense to Sonja nor Ramona but, um, ya think? “Why can’t she talk to me about things I’m going through?” Ramona asks. “Denial,” Dorinda answers simply.
Back in the city, we catch up with Bethenny who is, per usual, irritated– this time by the rain. Ugh, rain. One thing not irritating Bethenny? Her car. “It’s where I have my stuff, I do a lot of work in the car,” she says. “It’s where I live half the time.” But Beth is trying to find herself a new space, specifically, an office.
But back to complaining! Discussing her personal brand Skinny Girl, Bethenny describes how hard she’s been working. “I feel like I’m running out of gas, I’m tired, I don’t wanna do it anymore,” she says. Ah, that’s the entrepreneurial spirit this country was founded on!
New Friends & New Enemies
Back in the Hamptons, the ladies are meeting up– and meeting! Carole and Dorinda have actually never met one another. But that’s hardly the most surprising revelation of the scene. Ramona pulls LuAnn aside and, with tears in her eyes, says, “I owe you the biggest apology. Now I know what you went through.” With these words, we flashback to Ramona in a very different place (literally and figuratively), telling LuAnn, “everything with Mario is better than ever… I’ve been married 18 years and I’m the luckiest woman in the world.”
Back in the present, a crow-eating Ramona finishes her thoughts saying, “it was not right on so many levels and I hope you can forgive me.” It seems pretty genuine but, it’s the Singer Stinger, so who can be sure?
“They say in life forgive and forget,” Lu tells her. “But… we’ll see if you really mean it.”
That evening, her highness Sonja finally arrives at Ramona’s. Weirdly, Sonja and Dorinda had never met each other either, which is odd since they are both two of Ramona’s oldest and closest friends. Hm.
Well, Sonja is quick to prove everyone’s point and literally not shut up about herself. But then, Sonja actually gets upset that Ramona isn’t paying enough attention to her, and what she calls her “healing hands.” Whatever those are.
Sonja’s disdain only increases when she hears the blasphemous news that Dorinda would be sleeping in the room she usually sleeps in, and she would have to sleep– gasp! — downstairs. “What am I, Mario’s doghouse room?”
Sonja that’s…not even a coherent metaphor?
The next morning, at LuAnn’s new Hamptons home, Lu’s son Noel is giving Heather some Twitter guidance, while Carole introduces herself to (aka flirts with) Lu’s private chef/family friend who looks to be a ripe 20 years old. “I am very attracted to very attractive men,” Carole says. “That’s the problem.”
Finally, Kristen Taekman arrives like a ball of positivity and sunshine. I’m kidding, obviously. They all start talking about Ramona instantly. “The experience [with Mario] has humbled her a lot, and it’s a good thing,” Lu says. Everyone agrees.
All The Ladies, Together At Last
In full party prep mode, Carole is obviously helping the boys “cook” in the kitchen. Well, considering Carole’s never cooked a day in her life, safe to say she has an ulterior motive or two. “I’m gonna hang here with you guys tonight,” she tells the boys. Ah, got it.
Ramona, feeling sick, sends Dorinda and Sonja to LuAnn’s without her. Kinda fishy, but nothing a little beer won’t cause everyone to forget about! And, don’t worry, Sonja brought some in her purse! “We all worry about Sonja at an event like this,” Heather says. “But beer’s out of the bag!”
Clearly though, that was all just a warmup because, Bethenny arrives. Dun dun dunnnn.
Turns out, most of the ladies don’t know Bethenny too well, if at all. Let the bonding commence, right?
“Meeting Bethenny was one of those moments where you meet someone you’ve seen on television and you think you know them and suddenly you realize you have no idea who they are,” Carole says. Just as the ladies start warming up to each other, though, Ramona shows up and once again the energy tenses up.
“Long time no see,” Ramona says to Bethenny, in a decidedly not friendly tone. “I always describe Bethenny as a cat: you never know if she’s gonna purr up to you or scratch you,” Ramona adds, taking the cake for my evening’s favorite terrible line.
Finally, all the housewives are in the same room together for the first time this season. The conversation turns to Ramona’s dating life. What could possibly go wrong? Well, a lot. Specifically, Bethenny kinda implies that she thinks Ramona is being a slut– er, sorry, “promiscuous.”
Things don’t improve from there. The women are deciding on a plan for the next day. Bethenny says everyone can come over to her place. Sonja says she’ll go, while everyone else is undecided. Ramona is not cool with that.
“You’re my guest and you’re not going anywhere,” Ramona tells Sonja, her signature “Ramona eyes” working full force. Excuse me? “Are you really saying this out loud right now?” Bethenny asks, speaking for everyone.
Ramona checks with The Countess on the brunch etiquette and, when even Lu says that she is clearly in the wrong, she begins to babble about an email that she sent out but never went through due to a malfunction with her email account? Whatever you say, Ramona!
As Bethenny attempts to leave because she’s over it, Ramona tracks her down to apologize. “I don’t really wanna hang out with you,” Bethenny says. “I’m not interested in engaging you.”
Bethenny is hardly a beacon of sane maturity, but here, Ramona is making her look like Mother Teresa (uh, or someone else who is both sane and mature). Bethenny is finally able to escape, and with her exit, it appears we have our first rivalry of the season.
It’s Bethenny versus Ramona y’all!
What do you think of tonight’s episode? Was Ramona right to be upset about Brunch-Gate?
— Casey Mink