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Justin Bieber’s Roast: Top Five Best & 5 Worst Jokes

Tue, March 31, 2015 2:56am EDT by 19 Comments

Justin’s roast was full of shocking disses, digs and sometimes plain old mean jokes — we’re surprised Justin could handle the heat! has rounded up the top five best and worst jokes of Justin’s epic roast!

Justin Bieber, 21, AKA “the boy of the hour” took the hot seat for his Comedy Central Roast, which aired on March 30. From Martha Stewart to Shaquille O’Nealtons of A-listers threw some major shade at Justin right to his face. While some of the jokes made us LOL, others didn’t exactly rub us the right way. Check out our list of best and worst jokes!

Justin Bieber’s Roast Jokes: Top 5 Best Jokes

1) Shaq tries to tell Justin to get his act together: “Justin, as a father of six you have to straighten up, son. Last year, you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-Un didn’t rank that low. And he uses your music to torture people.”

2) Martha has the hots for the Biebs: “You need to settle down, bring some balance into you life and find a nice gal. Someone on your level, someone powerful and rich, someone you can smoke with, have a three way with, someone who’s a player in the boardroom and a freak in the bedroom. My final piece of advice is, call me!” Say hello to Jartha!

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3) Snoop Dog slams Justin for buying a pet monkey: Snoop pointed out that Justin is a very rich young man. And when stars get famous, they often party and hang out with women. But Justin went a different route.“You bought a monkey! I mean, that monkey was more embarrassed than the one that started the AIDS epidemic.”

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4) Chris D’Elia asks Justin why Selena Gomez, dumped him: “Is it true she dumped you because she grew a mustache first?” Chris and the other roasters took a bunch of jabs at Selena like told you.

5) Jeff Ross disses Justin’s music career: “You haven’t put out an album 3 years! If you listen closely you can hear the sound of One Direction f–king your fans. Beliebers are mad you haven’t won a Grammy. There’s martha stewart – she can be your Grammy.” Burn!

Justin Bieber’s Roast Top 5 Worst Jokes

1) Natasha Legerro on Beliebers: “Your fans are called Beliebers because it’s politically incorrect to use the term retards.” Not cool, Natasha.

2) Kevin Hart on Justin’s rumored hook up, Kendall Jenner: “If you’re going to be with a Jenner, we thought you would be with Bruce!” Kevin also made a shocking joke in his opening monologue when dissing Justin for using the “N word” — and calling out Martha for that, too!

3) Jeff on Selena and Justin’s relationship: “Selena Gomez had sex with you, proving Mexicans will do the most disgusting jobs Americans just won’t do.” SO uncool! We KNOW Selena will take great offense to that.

4) Jeff on Justin’s career: “I know you’ll never end up like Kurt Cobain or Amy Whinehouse –– respected.”

5) Snoop: “You release so many horrible videos, you should change your name to VanillaISIS.” Too far, Snoop, too far.

Honorary Joke Mentions:

“Justin, I’m sure it’s great to have 60 million followers on Twitter, but the only place people will be following you in jail is into the shower.” — Martha

“You’re about to get f–ked harder than Orlando Bloom f–ked Selana Gomez.” — Chris

“Why are you dressed liked Sharon Stone in the 90s? — Chris

On Kendall: “Where did you meet, OK Stupid?” — Jeff

“If Anne Frank had heard your music, she would’ve Uber’d to Auschwitz.” – Jeff

“You have it all … Except love, friends, good parents, and a Grammy.” — Chris

“This kid has spunk, moxie, and a few other STDs.”– Ron Burgandy (Will Ferrell)

HollywoodLifers, let us know YOUR thoughts on the roast in the comments below!

— Julianne Ishler