On the June 29 episode of ‘True Blood’, the search continues for the victims of the H-vamps, a once-dead character returns (kind of), and a tooootally graphic sex scene occurs between two characters we’ve never seen together before. Recap below!
“I Found You” opens like most True Blood episodes do — and like all of them should — with a totally graphic sex scene. That alone is worth the price of admission in an episode which has our intrepid heroes continuing their search for their lost loved ones. Meanwhile, Sh*t-Disturber Vince leads the townspeople in a revolt, Lettie Mae continues to lose it, and Arlene is forced to take her rescue into her own hands, since nobody has yet been able to figure out that the vampires are hiding in a vampire bar. This show. Read on for the full recap!
‘True Blood’: Jason Stackhouse & Eric Northman Get Down And Dirty; Shippers Rejoice
In a sequence that is clearly a dream so I’m not going to pretend it’s not a dream, Jason (Ryan Kwanten) finds Eric (Alexander Skarsgard), and they have a charged discussion that is simply not as important as what’s to follow. Eric asks after Violet, and Jason tells him that “he’s crazy about [her],” but that he can’t get Eric out of his head. “You probably hear that a lot, don’t you?” “For a thousand years,” Eric “Mr. Modesty” Northman replies, and “only twice I’ve felt it in return.”
Whatever! Dialogue doesn’t matter! The shirts come off! They grapple! And then they kiss! A lot. There’s lots of flickering candles and warm lighting and sensuous touches and I keep looking over my shoulder like I’m in church. Just as it’s about to get X-rated, Jason startles himself awake where he had fallen asleep in a church pew. That’s why I felt so guilty. Jason looks down at his lap, alarmed, and, roll credits.
‘True Blood’: Sookie Remembers The Dead Body In The Woods; The 2-Person-Strong Sheriff’s Department Go To Find it
Outside the church, the crack Sheriff’s department of Bon Temps is spitballing, still trying to find their loved ones. Sookie (Anna Paquin) tells them about the dead body she tripped over, and thinks that whoever she is and wherever she’s from will point everyone toward where the H-vamps are from and staying. But, you guys — she tripped over that body yesterday (and seemed more annoyed that it tripped her than anything) and only now is she bringing it up to the local PD? Laughing.
Sam (Sam Trammell) reminds his disgruntled townsfolk not to leave their houses after dark, and to only do so if accompanied by a vampire. Like, I get why these people don’t want to be accompanied by vampires, but literally why would they want to leave their houses after dark with a bunch of crazed vampires on the loose, anyway? What is up with the denizens of Bon Temps? I will never stop asking that question.
Adilyn (Bailey Noble) wants to join her father on the search, and while he’s hesitant, he eventually concedes — only after telling her to not, under any circumstances, invite Jessica in. Sure, no problem, Daddy, I definitely didn’t already do that.
‘True Blood’: Arlene May Have Found Her Own Way Out Of Her Imprisonment
Over at Fangtasia, which, by the way, I still maintain seems like the most obvious place for this nest to be, there’s discord among the ranks of the H-vamps. They’re starving, and not keen on hunting the way they have been, but they can’t control themselves. It’s interesting to see that they’re not totally mindless, that they don’t really want to be killing the way they have been.
The H-vamps are keeping their victims chained up, and whenever they get hungry, a “reaper” picks a new victim for them all to feed on together. A new reaper is put in charge — a mousy, older blonde woman — and she passes over Arlene, who realizes, later, that her name is Ms. Harris and that she taught hers and Holly’s children. Arlene sees a way out. Jane continues to detox, vomit, and generally freak out. She contributes nothing to the team.
‘True Blood’: Lafayette Calls Lettie Mae A ‘Triflin’ B*tch’; My Heart Melts
Andy, Jason, and their volunteer deputies (Sam, Sookie and Alcide) go off to search for the dead body that was rude enough to trip Sookie. The dead girl is from Saint Alice, two towns over. Dead girl, you’re so inconvenient!!
Lettie Mae (Adina Porter), still a character that’s around for some reason, stops by Lafayette’s (Nelsan Ellis‘) to ask him to summon Tara (Rutina Wesley). She thinks that Tara is stuck between heaven and earth, and Lafayette is like, um, yeah, you’re not having visions — that’d be the vampire blood you had. She calls him selfish, he calls her “a drug addict, you triflin’ b*tch, through and through,” and it’s a pretty typical Thorton family reunion. Meanwhile, Lafayette has just earned a lifelong place in my heart. She flounces off.
‘True Blood’: Sh*t-Disturber Vince Is A Sh*t-Disturber, But, Let’s Be Honest: He Makes Some Good Points
Over at Bellefleur’s, Sh*t-Disturbing Vince arrives to ask the citizens of Bon Temps why they’re cleaning up Sam’s bloody, vampire goo-filled mess. Oh, and they discover bodies in the freezer — the H-vamps are keeping them fresh. Everyone is pretty horrified, which gives Vince his opportunity to turn the town against Sam. He tells them that he saw Sam turn into a dog, and now that we live in the world of vampires and werewolves, they actually believe him.
“This town’s full of vampers, has a dog for a mayor, and is being preached at by a telepath,” he crazies, and his little speech does the trick — the townsfolk start smashing up furniture for stakes. Adilyn overhears one of them thinking that she knows where a ton of guns are, and she grabs Wade (Noah Matthews) and runs off to try and head off an upcoming disaster.
‘True Blood’: FEMA And Other Higher Government Aren’t Just Ignoring Bon Temps; Saint Alice Was Laid To Waste
Back in the basement of Fangtasia, Arlene is trying to appeal to Ms. Harris, who was the best teacher her kids ever had. Ms. Harris tries to tell her captives that if she shows an ounce of mercy, the rest of the H-vamps will kill her. Arlene and Holly move Ms. Harris to tears, and she promises to figure something out. Of course, that means that Arlene and Holly signed the death warrant of one of the other prisoners, who promptly gets dragged away — they don’t seem too guilty about it, though.
Andy, Jason and co. arrive in Saint Alice, and it’s a ghost town; ”God help us” and similar are scrawled on the buildings. “FEMA HELP US” is painted in giant letters on the pavement, and “SOS” on a rooftop — it looks like Bon Temps isn’t the only town being ignored FBI and other higher government. Ah yes, and then there’s the giant pit of dead bodies that our intrepid heroes discover.
‘True Blood’: Adilyn Gets In Trouble; Jessica Tries To Help But Is Limited By The Daytime And The Fact That Sookie Threw Her Phone Into The Woods
At the Sheriff’s station, Adilyn rushes in to warn, like, the one member of law enforcement remaining in the town that a mob is about to take all their guns. Kenya (Tanya Wright) is convinced, but it’s too late; the mob has arrived and are preaching about their right to bear arms or blah blah, whatever.
“Don’t you try that hillbilly NRA sh*t on me,” Kenya, hero, tells Vince, but she folds pretty quickly when one of the mob point out that that dummy Jason Stackhouse (no argument here) gets the lion’s share of the work and Kenya, a black woman, gets nothing. Kenya’s like, yeah, f*** it, actually, and lets the loonies have at it. When she goes to cuff Adilyn, however, Kenya is blasted with some fae magic.
Jessica wakes up — in the middle of the afternoon, mind — and senses Adilyn’s distress, but there’s nothing she can do without getting fried before she can help. She calls the Sheriff’s department, and there is obviously no answer. She calls Sookie, and there is obviously no answer because Sookie threw her phone deep into the woods because Alcide was calling her. I want somebody to yell at Sookie for this.
‘True Blood’: Jason Stackhouse Is A Pizza Detective; Sookie Makes It Awkward
In Saint Alice, MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING, JASON STACKHOUSE IS A PIZZA DETECTIVE. They find the home of the dead girl and Jason surmises they’ve been gone for two-and-a-half days judging by the pizza that was lying out, of which he takes a bite. Bless. Bless that dummy. As they go throughout the house, Jason is still eating the pizza. I don’t know, Kenya, maybe you weren’t promoted because you don’t know pizza forensics.
Sookie finds the girl’s diary, and reads all about her vampire romance, how she couldn’t resist even though it was dangerous, etc. etc., flashing back to her first, ill-fated meeting with Vampire Bill. Oh, P.S., she’s reading out loud with Alcide in the room and is clearly wistful about her ex-boyf. Then Sookie gets to the actual important stuff in the diary about how the whole town is dead or disappeared and pays it much less rapt attention. Minor details.
‘True Blood’: Tara Returns — Kind Of
Lettie Mae, continuing to lose her damn mind but this time in her own home, burns herself accidentally on a pan. The tinkly music of bad ideas plays on the soundtrack, and she places her hand directly into the hot pan. She goes to fetch Willa (Amelia Rose Blair) for her blood so that she can heal the awful wound. Willa, an idiot, lets her have it.
Lettie Mae immediately enters a trance and wanders into an imaginary cemetery/Garden of Eden mashup where Tara is up on a cross, a snake encircling her body. She’s saying something, but neither the viewer nor Lettie Mae can hear it. It’s bonkers. I really hope that Rutina, if she is indeed back for good, will be getting much better material than this going forward for True Blood‘s final season.
‘True Blood’: Arlene And The Rest Are Doomed Once More, Sookie Makes A Terrible Decision, And Eric Lives
In the basement of Fangtasia, Ms. Harris is about to rescue Arlene, Holly and Jane, but she needs a little blood to get her going — just a taste! — as she’s gotten weak. However, once she feeds on Arlene’s femoral artery, she drops fairly instantly dead. What? Was it her time? Is Arlene vampire poison? The ladies are shocked — and utterly screwed. Not to belabor the point, but if only someone would figure out that the captured are hanging out in a vampire bar. If only.
Andy goes looking for Adilyn at the Bellefleur house, and as she hasn’t yet returned, Jessica has to admit that she’s up in the attic. Andy is not pleased, but Jessica convinces him that she would never hurt Adilyn, and that she only wants to protect her. After all, she can sense when Adilyn is in danger! Don’t be such a worrywart, Andy; Jessica murdered your other daughters like a million years ago!
Elsewhere in town, Sookie comes to the realization that Bill can probably no longer feel when she’s in danger, and she turns up at his doorstep. We don’t see it happen, but she is clearly going to ask to drink some of his blood again, and it is clearly going to cause discord in her relationship with Alcide, who has never been thrilled by her relationship with Bill. And, really, who can blame him?
More importantly — but less important than dream sex scenes or pizza forensics — in Rhone Valley, France, Pam finds Eric!!! He didn’t nakedly burn to death! How nice for him and for us!! Buuut it does look like he has Hep-V, so. That’s less fun.
So, HollywoodLifers, what did you think of the episode? Was Jason the star of this episode or what? Is Sookie going to ask to drink Bill’s blood? How will Alcide take it? Don’t you wish she would drink Eric’s? Also, what’s Sh*t-Disturbing Vince’s endgame? Finally, given that Sookie feels more inconvenienced by dead bodies than horrified by them, I kind of want to take Vince’s side in the whole Bon-Temps-has-gone-to-hell thing. Tell me your thoughts below!
— Amanda Michelle Steiner