Plus, is someone getting fired from SUR? Forget food; these kids are serving up madness this season!
Remember when Stassi and Scheana finally buried the hatchet on Vanderpump Rules last season? Well, the sassy servers were back at each other’s throats within the first five minutes of the Nov. 4 season premiere — Scheana’s annoyed that no one reached out to her during her oral surgery, as her mouth is “literally everything” to her — and I don’t foresee their claws retracting anytime soon.
To add to the weirdness, Scheana planned a joint birthday party with Pandora, aka Lisa‘s daughter, aka Stassi’s (former?) best friend; and the evening was, predictably, a disaster. Basically, Katie — who now has blonde hair that everyone hates — told the birthday girl to “shut the f**k up” and was promptly ejected. This led to an awkward fist fight (and, of course, tears) between Scheana’s boyfriend Shay and Katie’s boyfriend Tom Schwartz.
I don’t even know who was right in all of this; I just know everyone is an idiot. End of story.
Jax + Stassi 4ever
As for Stassi’s love life, she still can’t kick her Jax addiction. She admitted to having “three moments of weakness” since their split last season, and it’s clear Jax won’t rest until he’s won her back for good.
Jax even set up a special lunch with Stassi’s (drunk?) dad, apologizing for cheating and attempting to re-enter his good graces — not that he was ever really in them to begin with.
Jax and Stassi truly are the Ross and Rachel of Vanderpump Rules.
Kristen’s Downward Spiral
After Kristen got sassy with Lisa at Kyle Richards‘ party on the RHOBH premiere, the boss lady sat her down for a serious talking-to. I get that Kristen doesn’t enjoy being bossed around, but isn’t that — by definition — what a boss does? She absolutely deserved the generous two-week suspension Lisa gave her. She needs to get her life together ASAP.
Of course, Kristen’s job at SUR isn’t the only aspect of her life in jeopardy. We also learned on the premiere that Tom cheated on her during the hiatus — Kristen says he “slept with a bottle-service skank” three days after her 30th birthday — so their future as a couple is up in the air, to say the least.
Is Kristen the new… Laura-Leigh?! (Sorry, I had to find a way to reference her somehow. I miss that crazy chick so much.)
— Andy Swift