From mommy’s infamous sex tape to her chart-flopping dance track, I break down the tough questions Kim’s daughter is bound to pose.
Kim Kardashian‘s got some explaining to do — or, at least, she will once baby North West is old enough to Google her mom’s highly publicized history. If you thought having the ‘birds and the bees’ conversation with your kid is awkward, just imagine stepping into Kim’s Louboutins for her dreaded mother-daughter chats.
Five Things Kim Will Have To Explain To North
1. Mommy’s Sex Tape: Kim and ex-boyfriend Ray J‘s infamous X-rated home movie might not be available on Netflix, but on the internet, it’s just a mouse-click away. But hey, at least the couple was in love at the time… right?
2. Mommy’s TV Wedding: Given how ridiculous Kim and Kris Humphries‘ sham of a marriage was, do you think North would believe it was all a made-for-TV movie? Like, fully scripted? I mean, I’d believe that.
3. Mommy’s Playboy Spread: I guess this one isn’t all that outrageous; when you’re a Kardashian — even half a Kardashian, in North’s case — it’s important to show the public as much of yourself as humanly possible. In fact, I’d be surprised if North hasn’t already done a nude photo shoot. I mean, she has been alive for almost an entire week now.
4. Mommy’s Music Career: Actually, this is a conversation I think Kim should have with all of us — not just with her daughter. I’d like to hear, in her own words, what “Turn It Up” was all about — and what in the name of Bruce Jenner‘s face was she was thinking when she put that music video together.
5. Mommy’s Dead Cat: Like most kids, North is bound to ask Kim and Kanye West for a pet. But taking care of an animal is a big responsibility, as Kim well knows. Remember when she got that adorable kitten, Mercy, which she gave away after two months? And then it died?
— Andy Swift