Vanessa Lachey Reveals Her Struggle With Postpartum Depression

The ‘Wipeout’ host shared that life after giving birth doesn’t always go according to plan, and even she struggled with the baby blues. Read on for her emotional confession.

Vanessa Lachey, 32, reavealed in a new blog post that she has been dealing with some “baby blues” after the birth of her and husband Nick Lachey‘s son Camden Lachey, who is now almost four months old.

When Camden was born, things were going pretty well for the new mother. She was still figuring out how to plan the baby’s feedings and how to deal with being a mom, but she cared so much about her child that she didn’t care about the work.

“I immediately mapped out in my brain the next 24 hours,” Vanessa writes. “When he would eat, which side I would start on, and what “hold” I would use for each feeding to get the maximum efficiency. Well, that was my first problem (I came to find out later…There’s no perfect plan. Life just evolves).”

Vanessa was enjoying her new child and was so happy that he was finally born because she always knew that she was meant to be a mother.

“[T]hat first week was tough, but blissful.” Vanessa writes later on. “You can’t see up from down, but are in such a state of disbelief and euphoria that this little beautiful soul is yours.”

Emotions Hit Vanessa Lachey Hard

Things started to take a turn for the worse emotionally for Vanessa when week two of being a mom rolled around. Reality was setting in, hormones were getting back to normal, and her emotions were all over the place.

“On one particular day, I remember it was 1pm, and the whole family was upstairs. I was isolated down in my bedroom,” Vanessa shares in her post. “Then when Camden was done eating, I wasn’t able to lay and cuddle with him, which was always something I loved to do. I had to give him back to all the well wishers who wanted to hold him and love him, and I sat and waited for the next feeding, where I would do it all again. Instead of cherishing the moments I had with Cam, I was constantly thinking about how I would have to give him up at the end of the feeding.”

Vanessa Can’t Keep The Fear Out

The first-time mother believes that fear is what caused her depression. She didn’t want to do the wrong thing or be a bad mother. Her nerves and fears got the best of her mind.

“I think it’s just fear…The fear of not knowing what I’m doing. The fear of “messing up” this little boy,” she writes. “The fear of being responsible for a human being and not knowing any “life” experiences to compare moments with him to.”

Saturday, September 29th was the day that Vanessa completely realized that something was really not right. Something, everything, didn’t feel right to her. She felt lost and didn’t know how she could ever get back to who she was.

“I didn’t feel like myself. Where was the super woman who always thought and knew she could do it all?” she shares. “Where was the organized Vanessa who had it all under control no matter what the obstacle? She was gone, and I thought… forever.”

Vanessa Learns To Take Some “Me” Time

On this day, when Vanessa was feeling completely down and out of control, Nick took Camden and let her go out and collect herself. She turned up the radio, made a couple of stops, then came home and took a shower, and tried to put herself back together. Vanessa told Nick how she “was sorry for the weeks of losing myself” and it made her feel better. She had to take a step back in order to ruly appreciate the miracle of life and the blessing we have.”

“I used to think it was selfish to be a new mom and ever think the word Me,” Vanessa concludes. “But now I realize, there is no Camden without Me. And I want him to see the best of Me in hopes that he can grow up to be an amazing, wonderful happy man who finds his own Me in himself.”

We wish Vanessa the best of luck in her struggle to find balance between being a new mom and still making time for herself!

What do YOU think HollyMoms? Are you proud of Vanessa for opening up about her battle with the baby blues?