The Thompson family returns for the first of a series of specials dedicated to detailing how the family celebrates the the holidays! First up is Halloween — and you better not ever give Alana dental floss as a treat, you hear?!
It’s January 6, so what better time to revisit Halloween with the Thompson clan! Here Comes Honey Boo Boo fans want their hysterical footage, and they’ll take it whenever TLC decides to air it. But, were tonight’s Halloween hijinks with Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson and crew worth the airtime? Let’s recount the hour.
The Halloween Season In McIntyre, GA
It’s Halloween, so naturally Pumpkin is dangling roadkill on a stick in mama June Shannon‘s face as she sleeps. June explains that the family’s holiday traditions include costumes and decorating the yard, which totally warrant a television special, they’re so unique. The girls each announce that they love Halloween because they love candy. Duh. As Alana says, “Halloween is all about treats…treating myself to candy.” The yard is decorated with pumpkins, which means Pumpkin is nailed into the lawn for a few weeks. So festive!
The family visits a redneck pumpkin patch, where they must choose between riding the cow or riding the hayride. June doesn’t trust the cows. I’m presuming because she doesn’t fit in/on a cow. When picking out pumpkins, one daughter says of a large one, “Roll it just like we have to do with Mama down the stairs.” Then everyone threw a bunch of balls at June’s face because that’s just tradition in McIntyre.
Mama June Gets More Beautimous…As If That Was Possible
June wants to dye her hair blonde for Halloween, but she’s going to let the girls do it because that’s logical. “Seeing June as a blonde would definitely make my loins perk up,” Sugar Bear says. That made my vomit perk up. Then he said, “You better chain me to a bed because I’m coming up.” Shivers. During the ceremonious hair unveiling, Chubbs declared, “Mama’s hair looks a hot mess. Point blank period, a hot mess.” Chubbs and I would get along, I think.
Pumpkin Carving & Mayonnaise Fears
It’s time for pumpkin carving, so Uncle Poodle showed up! Sugar Bear wore the pumpkin innards as a mustache, which started a disgusting pumpkin fight. Even baby Kaitlyn got smacked with some nastiness. They also covered her face with pumpkin seeds, which seemed particularly mean to do to a baby. Uncle Poodle got a pumpkin stuck on his head, which he then slammed against the porch to break open. The holidays, everyone!
TLC needed to stretch this special out to an hour, so we learned that June is terrified of mayonnaise, which the girls want her to face head on. Alana dumped three tubs into a bowl, because why not? June and I have this mayo hatred in common, but hers is owed to her babysitter making her eat mayo sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Mine is just owed to common sense. One daughter announces that, “Marannaise is not meat,” in case you were wondering. And yes, that is how she pronounced it/TLC subtitled it. June began speaking in tongues when they brought the bowl to the table, so Alana just ate it all. Happy Halloween!
Fart Ghost, Kackleberry Farms, & Costume Shopping
The family sat in the dark to tell ghost stories, including one about the Fart Ghost, which mostly seemed like an excuse for everyone to fart around each other and blame it on something otherworldly. Then they went to Kackleberry Farms to go through the corn maze, the zip line, and some other unnamed Halloween activities. The family got lost in the maze and June went tinkle in the corn. “The old-fashioned drip-and-dry and shake it.” Yum!
The family also went costume shopping. Alana wanted to dress up as bacon, which shocked no one. Chickadee wanted to dress her extra-thumbed baby daughter up as either a crab or a cheese ball. The less said about June and Sugar Bear in those “African” costumes, the better. The girl working in the costume shop looked like she wanted to kill herself.
All Hallow’s Eve
Finally, Halloween arrived. Kaitlyn was dressed up as a hot dog, so Chickadee and Chubbs were dressed as ketchup and mustard. Alana dressed up as a vampire-witch thing, which was a bit of a disappointment. Sugar Bear dressed as a bear because that’s how far his imagination can stretch. June dressed as Marilyn Monroe because of her new blonde hair. There was entirely too much sexual innuendo thrown around between June and Sugar Bear during this for me to stay conscious.
Before leaving to beg rich neighbors for candy, Alana decided last-minute to dress her mom as a “Mummy,” which just meant wasting more toilet paper. June has a rule where she has to “inspect” all the candy, which mostly means she just eats all of the girls’ treats. The family found dental floss in their candy bags and were completely dumbfounded. Just as dumbfounded as I was that this hour was considered interesting enough to air.
Are you looking forward to watching the rest of the Honey Boo Boo holiday specials, HollywoodLifers? Or has the Thompson family worn out their welcome? Let me know in the comments below!
– Billy Nilles
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