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Plus, Stefan learns a shocking secret that could give Elena her life back!

I normally try to shy away from clichéd statements, but the Nov. 1 episode of The Vampire Diaries really did have something for everyone: senseless violence, plot-twisting history lessons — and, of course, a crazy amount of sexual tension between Elena (Nina Dobrev) and Damon (Ian Somerhalder).

Let’s start with that last one, shall we?

Bonnie (Kat Graham) wanted to connect with a professor of the occult at Whitmore College — more on that creeper later — so Damon decided to tag along and teach Elena the fine art of selecting a victim to feed on. Damon picked a frat house as his classroom, where Elena could choose from any douchebag she laid eyes on; and like the female Dexter that she is, Elena picked the douchiest bro at the party — the one dropping a pill into a girl’s drink — and had a bite to eat.

Elena reveled in the bloodlust at first, even sharing a sexy dance with Damon, but Bonnie “Buzzkill” Bennett quickly swooped in to ruin everybody’s fun. Doing her best Stefan (Paul Wesley) impression, Bonnie reminded Elena that she’s “better” than that, causing her to turn back into the weepy mess I didn’t miss one bit.

Can vampirism be cured?

While Elena was off making “mistakes” with Damon, Stefan stayed in Mystic Falls to get to the bottom of “The Five” — but he had no idea just how twisted things were going to become. Apparently Klaus (Joseph Morgan) and the Five go way back, like all the way back to the 2nd century A.D., when Rebekah (Claire Holt) was head-over-heels for a Five named Alex (Paul Telfer).

Long story short, Alex seduced Rebekah in an attempt to kill all of the Mikaelsons, but not before he revealed the secret of the Five to her: Their tattoos are actually maps that lead to — wait for it — a vampire cure! Naturally, Klaus is now hoping to find it so he can cure Elena and use her blood to make more of his cute-and-cuddly hybrids. Stefan, meanwhile, wants it so he can finally make Elena happy again. (I smell a bromance brewing!)

As the only person capable of seeing the Five’s tattoos, Jeremy (Steven R. McQueen) was brought in to draw a full map for Klaus. Connor (Todd Williams) looked super hot all chained up — Stefan even made a Fifty Shades of Grey reference that everyone on Twitter caught immediately — but the whole plan went awry when he escaped at the very end.

And then there’s Professor Creepy:

Bonnie believes she’s found a kindred spirit in Professor Shane (David Alpay), given his extensive knowledge on witchcraft, but it turns out he’s not the Ezra Fitz she thinks he is. Immediately after Connor escaped, he went straight to Shane and asked, “Why did you send me to Mystic Falls?”

I have to admit I was shocked — not because I didn’t think the professor was evil, but because I didn’t think they’d reveal it so early! They’re not wasting any time this season, and I’m super happy about that.

And now, for my favorite part of every recap — the Stelena/Delena breakdown:

“Don’t be jealous,” Elena told him. “You know I wish it could be you [going to Whitmore with me.]” (+15 points) x “You’re the one who’s getting me through this, no matter who teaches me how to feed.” (+15 points) xx  “I should be here with Stefan,” she told Bonnie at Whitmore. “I shouldn’t be here with [Damon.]” (+10 points) ss TOTAL: 40 points		Elena gave Damon a long hug after her first feed. “I want more!” And, clearly, so did he! (+15 points) x Damon and Elena have danced before, but it’s never been as hot as it was at the frat party. (+30 points)x x She apologized to Damon at the end. “I feel like, when you tell me what a vampire should be, deep down I believe you. I think you’re right and I hate that feeling.” (+5 points) x TOTAL: 50 points

x

I’d like to end this week’s recap by saluting Rebekah. I’m falling more in love with her as each episode goes by, which is more than I can say for Matt (Zach Roerig). He doesn’t seem the least bit interested in Klaus’ little sister, no matter how many trucks she buys him, or how emphatically she calls “dibs” on him.

Can those two just get together already?!

What did you think of this week’s episode? Do you think Damon is forcing himself onto Elena? Will you be disappointed if she turns back into a human? And are you rooting for Matt and Rebekah to hook up? Drop me a comment with your personal review of “The Five” below.

— Andy Swift

Follow @AndySwift

More Vampire Diaries on HollywoodLife.com:

1. ‘Vampire Diaries’: Are Elena & Stefan Breaking Up In Season 4?
2. ‘Vampire Diaries’ Video: Stefan Is ‘Always Going To Be Mad’ At Damon
3. ‘Vampire Diaries’ Pics: Damon & Elena Return To Wickery Bridge