Plus, two sinister characters join forces — and they’re headed for Storybrooke!
A miracle occurred on the Oct. 21 episode of Once Upon A Time: We only had to wrap our heads around two timelines! Well, at least until the very end. The hour was mostly split between present-day Storybrooke, where Rumpelstiltskin (Robert Carlyle) nearly lost the woman of his dreams; and the past Enchanted Forest, where he did lose the woman of his dreams. Anyone else noticing a trend here?
Let’s start in the Enchanted Forest:
Apparently, Rumpelstiltskin’s love life has always been an ugly tragedy with bad teeth. He learned that his first wife, Mila, was in the custody of that sexy mofo Captain Hook (Colin O’Donoghue) — who nearly broke Twitter tonight, thanks to his emphatic legion of “Hookers” — but when he went to confront the swashbuckler, he was told she had died.
Lies! She didn’t die. She just ran away to be with Captain Hook because he had a sweet boat and ladies love pirates. And as totally reasonable payment for dumping him, Rumples literally ripped out Mila’s heart and crushed it into dust. (Why does everyone keep doing that on this show?!) Rumples also cut off Hook’s hand — origin! — before peacing out.
But it was Hook who got the last laugh — or the last “yargh,” whatever noise pirates make when they find things funny — because he made off with Rumple’s magic bean! Neverland, here we come…
Meanwhile, in Storybrooke:
After catching Rumpelstiltskin working on his dark magic, a troubled Belle (Emilie de Ravin) decided to take a walk and clear her head — but her stroll through Storybrooke took a seriously messed-up turn when a jolly circular gentleman kidnapped her in a sketchy alley. (This provincial life isn’t looking so boring now, eh Belle?)
It turns out the jolly stranger was commissioned to kidnap Belle by none other than her father, Crazy Old Maurice, but their happy reunion was cut short when Belle revealed her true lustful feelings for “the Beast.” Naturally, Maurice responded the way any father would: “Henchman, send this bitch down a mine shaft!” (I may have paraphrased that quote.)
Thanks to Ruby (Meghan Ory) and her keen sense of smell — I was hoping they would drive her through town with her head out the window, but whatever — the gang was able to track Belle down, and Rumples used his magic to save her. Seriously, though, shipping her out of Storybrooke in a mine cart? This isn’t Donkey Kong; let’s never do that again.
And how could I discuss Storybrooke’s mine without highlighting Charming’s (Josh Dallas) gun show? You know he only threw that tanktop on because he was jealous that Hook was getting all the attention.
And then, this happened:
After we saw that Rumpelstiltskin had Hook’s lackey Smee tied up in Storybrooke, the show cut to present-day Enchanted Forest, where Hook was cooking up a wicked little scheme with — that’s right — Cora (Barbara Hershey)!
They’ve both got their reasons for wanting to travel to Storybrooke — Cora wants to get revenge on Regina (Lana Parrilla), while Hook has his heavily-mascara’d eyes on Rumples — and their best bet is to get there together.
I ship them together already.
What did you think of this week’s Once Upon A Time? Are you already obsessed with Captain Hook? And what do you think of his little partnership with Cora? Drop a comment with your review of the episode, and your predictions for the future.
— Andy Swift
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