It’s party time as the family celebrates Alana’s birthday with a pool party BBQ! Read on for more details.
Well, my dear Here Comes Honey Boo Boo fans, we’re just one week away from the season finale! But before we can put this season of hilarity and horrors behind us, we have to celebrate Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson‘s birthday!
Mama June Tries To Learn Makeup
Before we can get to Alana’s birthday festivities, we have to take care of business. Mama June Shannon informs us that there is one week until the last pageant of summer, and she’d like to learn how to do Alana’s hair and makeup, to save money. So it’s off to learn from Jennifer Garner. Yeah, that was her name. June tells the audience at home “I don’t wear no makeup, period,” in case people without eyes were tuning in. Mrs. Affleck tells June that she’ll tart up only half of Alana’s face, so June can try to replicate the look on the other side. We then learn that June can’t really see, at all, so, sure, attack your daughter’s eye with a pencil. Alana tells her mama, “I’m gonna look like I just got off the street walking,” which is true if that street was on the sun and half her face melted. Mission accomplished!
Mama June’s Favorite Sport Is Bingo
June takes the family to the VFW in Macon to play bingo for pageant money. This is when June informs us that “bingo is a sport” that she’s been playing since she was 10 years old. Learning about her ideas of what a sport is makes so much more sense out of her entire existence. Her Bingo face is the stuff of nightmares. “Mama plays bingo better than she cooks or cleans or anything,” one of the kids says, so there’s that. June has another sneezing attack on camera because no episode is complete without one. Is someone angling for a Claritin endorsement deal?
Alana Farts In Front Of Miss Georgia
Alana and June go to The Chic Boutique to meet Miss Georgia 2011, whom they met through a “friend of a friend,” which is a fancy way of saying “TLC arranged for this.” Alana asks Miss Georgia if she’s that tall in real life. Miss Georgia has no patience for this: “This is real life.” She also has no patience for Alana’s table manners: “That’s not cute, that’s not cute. Let’s not do that.” Alana responds to this the only way she knows how: she farts at the table. Miss Georgia tells her she has a gift for her, lighting up Alana’s sweet face. Upon hearing “I got you an official Miss Georgia headshot,” however, Alana’s all like, “Thanks a lot, cheapskate!” Or she should’ve, at least.
Party Time! AND: String Cheese Snot
It’s finally time for Alana’s seventh birthday party! Her sisters wrap up hot sauce, Pop Tarts, and soap for her because that’s what everyone wants to unwrap on their seventh birthday. Soap. The party looks really fun, with the new pool, a slip and slide, snow cone machine, and awesome water slide. June attempts to climb the water slide, gives up, and then orders an almond coconut snow cone — yuck. Alana tells us “This is my best birthday ever” and then the most horrific thing possible occurred. Alana sneezed and snotted out both nostrils. Seriously, it was like string cheese shot out of her face. When Alana sneezed, it was like time stood still. Watching her try to sniff it back in was equal parts hysterical, terrifying, and terrifically, terrifically sad. So, par for the course!
What did you think of tonight’s episode, HollywoodLifers? Did Alana’s sneeze have you running for the bathroom? Was Miss Georgia’s gift of a headshot just the worst? Most importantly, are you totally bummed that next week is the season finale? Let me know in the comments below!
— Billy Nilles
More Honey Boo Boo:
- Honey Boo Boo’s House Broken Into
- Honey Boo Boo’s Mama June Shannon: Bingo Is My Favorite Sport
- ‘SNL’ Spoofs Honey Boo Boo & Mama June Shannon