‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’ Recap: Alana Jokes ‘I’m Gonna Rob Somebody’

Thu, September 6, 2012 2:35am EDT by 5 Comments
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Recap
Courtesy of TLC

Wig shopping, sit-down dinners, and dumpster diving — oh my! It was another wild week at Chez Boo Boo. Let’s count down the five wildest moments of this week’s episode.

Welcome back, fans of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo! Take a visit to the Wilkinson County Department Store with me, won’t you?

1. The Boo Boo Family Goes Wig Shopping

It’s time to buy a new hairpiece for Alana‘s pageants, apparently. So the family takes a trip to my new favorite place: Shh! It’s A Wig, probably the greatest place to exist in Macon, Georgia. The family puts Claudia, the store clerk, through her paces as the trip quickly devolves into a free-for-all. That poor girl had to touch every head in that family! I hope she had a industrial-size bottle of Purell in the back. Moment I wish I could Purell out of my mind? When Sugar Bear said, “When I saw June in a blonde wig, it kinda made me a little frisky and uhh I wanted to jump some bones.” Shivers.

2. Sugar Bear Flexes His “Putting Together Skills”

It gets hot in Macon. With the temperatures between 108 and 112 degrees, the redneck slip and slide from a few weeks back isn’t going to cut it. Luckily, Sugar Bear comes home with an above-ground pool. Now, he just has to figure out how to put it together. As Sugar Bear demonstrates quite clearly, his “putting together skills ain’t that good.” The pool is leaking two hours later. Yikes! June refers to herself as voluptuous. Double yikes!

3. Thing Get Real At The Sit Down Dinner

Sugar Bear wanted to go for a sit down dinner because this family usually just leans over the carcass they’re chowing on so that the other predators can’t snatch it from them, right? Alana wants meat with her meat, with a little bit more meat on the side, and she gets it because her parents can’t say no. The girls bring down the mood when they ask June why she’s afraid to marry Sugar Bear. They immediately bring the mood right back up when one lifts her leg and farts on the other. At the sit down dinner. Like a true debutante.

4. Dumpster Diving With Crazy Tony

The family goes to spend some more time with their old friend Crazy Tony out at the asylum, er, his property. After their fish fry, they decide to take the four wheelers out to the department store. Except the department story is actually the Wilkinson County landfill. Crazy Tony rolls Pumpkin up in a dirty mattress, which I can’t even make a joke about because it was just so disgusting. Alana tells the camera crew, “Don’t tell nobody, but all Pumpkin’s clothes come from the dumpster.” Secret’s safe, Alana! Also, can someone get June some Claritin? If I have to see another one of her horrendous sneezing fits, I’m sending her a case myself.

5. Raining Colors Out At Lake Tobesofkee

The family takes a trip out to Lake Tobesofkee to have a little fun for the Fourth of July. June introduces the world to the “redneck air conditioner,” which is a wet towel wrapped around her head and is actually pretty comfortable. Alana wants to be a lifeguard, so June takes her to go annoy the poor girl whose job wasn’t already annoying enough, having to monitor drunk idiots out on Lake Tobesofkee. After Alana blows the lifeguard’s whistle more times that was probably hygienically safe, June has to tell her “Don’t poot in her face” as they climb down the ladder. Also, Sugar Bear stayed in his jeans. Do you think she smelled more like a chain-smoking goat than when he played Santa Claus for soup? Who cares, it’s fireworks time! Alana is actually really cute when she says that it’s raining colors.

What was the wildest moment for you this week, HollywoodLifers? Did the dumpster diving make you feel itchy, too? Have you ever used a redneck air conditioner? Do you want to take a road trip with me to Shh! It’s A Wig? Let me know in the comments below!

– Billy Nilles

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