The human-vampire war is almost upon us! Do you think Bill is really evil, or just playing along?
Remember a few weeks ago when I said Bill (Stephen Moyer) was going to embrace the Authority’s evil, human-nomming ways and everybody called me a Bill-hater? It looks like Team Bill is going to have some serious defending to do, as that’s exactly what happened on the July 29 episode of True Blood. Despite Eric’s (Alexander Skarsgard) best efforts, he wasn’t able to coax the Good King away from Lilith’s army.
Fresh off their Lilith-induced high — Russell (Denis O’Hare) seemed to particularly enjoy the concept of “God’s tits” — the Authority vampires got to work on their plan to eradicate the human race. (It was kind of a quick jump if you ask me, but I guess I’m obviously Team Human on this issue.) Bill came up with the sick-but-brilliant idea to bomb all five True Blood factories, forcing vampires — even those most committed to mainstreaming — to feed on humans. Equally surprising: Salome (Valentina Cervi) had sex with no one this week.
Back in Bon Temps, Jason (Ryan Kwanten) thwarted Sookie’s (Anna Paquin) attempt to “dump” her fairy power, as she’d need her magic to figure out which vampire killed their parents. He also gave Sookie a big speech about how she never would have met Bill if she was “normal,” which obviously means Jason stopped watching this show after season one, or else he’d know that Bill isn’t exactly perfect for her. But I digress…
Sookie’s fairy buddies helped send her back to the night of her parents’ death, but she blew everyone’s minds — literally — when she developed a psychic connection with an unknown vampire. She managed to learn his name while chillin’ in his brain, though no one present seemed to recognize it. So did the madness end there? Of course not. A floating vampire head spoke to Sookie in her bathroom — I’ll give $5 to anyone who didn’t giggle at his appearance — to give her a chipper heads-up that he’s coming for her.
(Lucky girl. Sookie gets all the vampires!)
Meanwhile, Jesus (Kevin Alejandro) got some closure — again — once Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) healed his sewn-up lips and got the f**k away from that crazy pregnant lady, but poor LaLa’s problems were far from over. Arlene (Carrie Preston) asked him to “pretend” to contact the spirit of the Iraqi woman Terry (Todd Lowe) killed, but s**t got real when the ghost lady actually showed up. She kindly informed the gang that Terry or Patrick (Scott Foley) needs to die in order to lift her curse, and honestly, I wouldn’t shed a tear if either one of them bit it. I guess I’d rather see Patrick go, just so Arlene wouldn’t be sad, but whoever will get that ridiculous fire monster off my TV every week can die ASAP. (Please and thank you!)
But the best part of this week’s episode — and definitely the one I’ll be reliving on YouTube for days and days — was Sam Trammell playing both Sam and Luna (Janina Gavankar), thanks to the magic of skin-walking. Not only did Sam, the actor, capture Janina’s mannerisms perfectly, but the image of Sam holding himself(?) on the couch was so incredibly gif-worthy. (Speaking of which, I can’t be the only one who was hoping for a Sam-on-Sam kiss. Like, open mouth. Lots of tongue.)
Other ‘bites’ worth discussing:
>>> Alcide (Joe Manganiello) had his first full-on sex scene with Rikki. It was kind of hot. There was a lot of grunting. Then Alcide was almost killed by J.D. during their pack-master scuffle. He’s fine now, though, so you can continue not paying attention to them wolves.
>>> Pam (Kristin Bauer Van Straten) is acting very differently now that she’s free from Eric’s watchful eye. She tied up Tara’s (Rutina Wesley) racist high-school nemesis and let her new baby vamp feed on her. In fact, Pam even gave her the cute nickname “unpaid food whore.”
>>> The hillbillies captured Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) and tried to make Hoyt (Jim Parrack) kill her, but he couldn’t go through with it. She escaped, but Hoyt wasn’t so lucky. Someone’s got him at gunpoint now.
Do you think Bill is really ‘evolving’ with the Authority, or just playing along for now? Do you have any new theories about the identity of the Stackhouses’ murderer? And how badly do you wish we could ALWAYS have two Sams like this? Drop me a comment with your reviews and predictions!
— Andy Swift
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