Plus, the vampire who dug up Russell finally comes forward! (Warning: So many major spoilers ahead.)
After nearly seven weeks of incessant name dropping, Lilith finally appeared in the flesh July 22 on True Blood — or did she? Russell Edgington (Denis O’Hare) and his newly assembled Authority certainly seemed to think so, but it turns out their precious Jesus vampire isn’t everything they dreamt she’d be. In fact, she was literally a dream!
The whole mess got started with five little words from Salomé (Valentina Cervi) we’ve been dying to hear: “I dug up Russell Edgington.” So apparently when she’s not having sex, she’s unearthing pissed-off vampires. Salomé then retrieved the blood of Lilith, which she revealed was not merely symbolic, and offered it as a friendly snack to share among her constituents. Most complied, including a very reluctant Bill (Stephen Moyer) and Eric (Alexander Skarsgard), except for Chancellor Braun (Christopher Heyerdahl). So Russell decided to convert his head into a beach ball.
Rest in pieces, beard-o.
Anyhoo, a few drops of Lilith’s gross ancient blood sent our fanged friends into a feeding frenzy through the streets of New Orleans, leaving a trail of empty white people in their wake. At the height of their rampage, Lilith appeared before them, bloody and naked — no shame, everybody saw her boobies — forcing them further into madness. But lo, the angel of Godric (Allan Hyde) appeared before Eric and begged him to save Nora (Lucy Griffiths) from Lilith’s clutches. And once he’d snapped out of the trance, Eric realized Lilith wasn’t really there at all! So you know what that means:
Back in Bon Temps, or wherever that wacky fairy sex club is, Sookie (Anna Paquin) had some straight knowledge dropped on her: She’s been pissing away her fairy magic, and if she keeps going at her usual rate, she’ll be totally powerless in no time. But Sookie liked that idea. Oh, yes, she liked it quite a bit. So much so that she decided to put on a little magic show at the end of the hour, casting what was left of her light into the atmosphere. Jason (Ryan Kwanten) appears to be on his way to stop her — but will he be too late?
>> I’m not OK with Hoyt (Jim Parrack) joining the shifter hunters, and I’m definitely not OK with Jason shooting Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) in her head. What has gotten into these boys?!
>> They’re spending way too much time on Alcide (Joe Manganiello). I like him, but I’d rather see him doing stuff with Sookie. I’m not really caring about him and his skanky little she-wolf.
>> While I felt it was pretty unnecessary to watch Arlene’s (Carrie Preston) wedding video in its entirety — boring — I have to admit it was nice seeing all the old couples in happier times.
>> When Terry (Todd Lowe) put a gun to his jaw and threatened to blow his brains out, I really didn’t care. Does that make me a bad person? I just want this stupid Fire Monster and everyone attached to it to GTFO.
>> I watched every Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) scene with my hands over my eyes. When that pregnant chick literally cut through the stitches on his mouth with a knife, I almost had to call it a night. Poor LaLa.
What did you think of this week’s True Blood? Is Lilith all you imagined she’d be? Is Sookie an idiot for giving up her powers, or is she finally thinking straight? And were you surprised to learn Salomé was working with Nora and Russell all along? Drop me a comment with all your thoughts and theories below!
— Andy Swift
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