Was the ‘Game of Thrones’ premiere as epic as you hoped?
Westeros may be a few degrees colder than we last left it, but for the most part, the April 1 season premiere of Game of Thrones was business as usual: battle lines were drawn, baby dragons spread their wings, and everyone laid their claim to the Iron Throne. Again.
And since the Game has always been a family affair, let’s break down the first episode of season two house-by-house, shall we?
THE LANNISTERS:
With Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) sitting pretty — and I couldn’t mean that more ironically — on the throne at King’s Landing, the Lannisters were the picture of self-righteous confidence at the top of the hour. Joffrey forced peasants to fight for his amusement, Tyrion’s (Peter Dinklage) medieval take on the Justin Bieber shag looked more coiffed than ever, and Cersei (Leana Heady) was reveling in her position at the head of the Small Council. (Side note: I find it ironic that she tried to keep Tyrion from sitting in on the Small Council meeting — for obvious, yet tragically offensive, reasons.)
But all that began to crumble when news of Cersei and Jaime’s (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) incestuous shenanigans spread across the kingdoms like the best piece of internet gossip ever. Joffrey’s days on the throne are numbered, and I for one couldn’t be more excited to see that pale little weasel get his comeuppance.
THE STARKS:
Speaking of Jaime, the beautiful-yet-terrible human being spent his first hour of season two tied up at Robb Stark’s (Richard Madden) camp. And you can only imagine how happy Robb was to learn that, not only is Jaime actually Joffrey’s father, but that he also pushed Bran (Isaac Hempstead-Wright) out the window when he caught Jaime and Cersei in the throws of incestuous passion. Personally, I think Robb should have let Grey Wind rip Jaime’s face apart — even if that would have taken a serious toll on the overal beauty of Westeros.
Meanwhile, Jon Snow (Kit Harrington) got his first taste of the “terrors” beyond the wall — and I’m not talking about the White Walkers. Jon and his crew took refuge in the home of a bats–t crazy old man who marries his daughters and makes them live in the shadows like Fraggles. “You’re prettier than half my daughters,” the old man said to Jon; and while that may be true, the creepiness with which he said it has me concerned for our precious bearded baby.
THE DOTHRAKI:
We caught up with Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) and her tribe on the dusty roads of the Red Waste, as they discovered that life post-dragon hatching wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. The sun was hot, food was scarce, and Daenerys’ favorite horse kicked the bucket (#TargaryenProblems). At least we got a brief Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa) mention out of the tragedy; now would it kill them to bring him back as a ghost? I really miss that man — guy-liner, majestic ponytail, and all.
THE NEWBIES:
And what would a season premiere be without the introduction of a few game-changers? After hearing his name more times than Beeltejuice’s, we finally met Stannis Baratheon (Stephen Dillane), brother of the late King Robert and true heir to the Iron Throne — and he wasn’t alone. Not only did he have a formidable army at his disposal, but he was also being guided by a mysterious woman named Melisandre (Carice van Houten). A cryptic priestess who was never told there is such a thing as “too much red,” it’s safe to assume Melisandre has ulterior motives in leading Stannis to victory.
Stannis’ first act of awesomeness was sending a message to everyone in the kingdom — it’s like the medieval version of e-mailing all of your contacts — informing them of Joffrey’s true paternity, as well as his claim to the throne.
As far as Game of Thrones episodes go, I’ll admit the second season premiere felt slightly subdued — I counted a grand total of 4 boobs and 7 deaths, including Daenerys’ horse — but it certainly set the stage for an epic clash of swords this season.
What did YOU think of the premiere? Do you think Joffrey’s days on the throne are numbered? Did you want more dragon babies? And how do you feel about all the new characters? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below!
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