Tweet

This week’s episode proved that everyone in Storybrooke is a cheater. Even the nuns.

I hope everyone who watched the March 4 episode of Once Upon A Time already knew where babies come from. Otherwise they’d be totally confused by the opening scene, in which a fairy helped a dwarf hatch from an egg by sprinkling it with magic dust. The dwarf in question turned out to be Grumpy — whose birth name was “Dreamy,” apparently — and this episode revealed a whole new side to Storybrooke’s town drunk.

Dreamy (Lee Arenberg) tried to leave his life of mining and midgets behind when he fell in love with a whack-job fairy named Nova (Amy Acker), but after a brief chat with the Blue Fairy and his fellow dwarves, he realized it would never work out between them. You see, haters don’t believe in true love — and that loveless blue biatch is a hater.

But Dreamy’s real-world counterpart had a bit more luck in the love department. Leroy spent the hour romancing Nova’s counterpart — a ditzy nun named Astrid — and managed to win her heart in the end. Of course, there is one little problem: She’s a freaking nun! That means she’s already technically promised herself to God, so hooking up with Leroy would make her a cheater. And then she’d be no better than that skank Mary Margaret (Ginnifer Goodwin). And, wait, didn’t she also used to be a nun? Suspicious!

Meanwhile, Sheriff Leather Jacket (Jennifer Morrison) teamed up with Sidney (Giancarlo Esposito) to track down Kathryn (Anastasia Griffith) — but Emma had no idea Sydney’s “inside source” was actually Regina (Lana Parrilla). Just when I thought that chick couldn’t get any shadier…

Kathryn’s phone records revealed that David (Josh Dallas) was the last person she spoke to, making him the prime suspect in her disappearance. I wonder if David will look good in a jumpsuit. (Oh, who am I kidding?)

OK, I know this episode was kind of a snooze-fest, but we’ve still got a lot to talk about: Is Regina responsible for Kathryn’s disappearance? Where did she go? And what, exactly, does Mr. Gold have against nuns? See you in the comments section!

— Andy Swift

Follow Andy on Twitter for more Once Upon A Time updates