Tyler may not have any eyebrows of his own to speak of, but he had everyone else in the Hamptons raising theirs this week.
Do you hear that? It’s the sound of loyalties dying in the Hamptons, which is pretty much what the Dec. 7 episode of Revenge was all about. By the end of the hour, no alliance — or sex tape — was safe, and Emily’s (Emily VanCamp) big secret began to unravel before her very eyes.
I’ll begin by saying this: We all hate Tyler (Ashton Holmes). And by “we,” I literally mean all of us — the characters on the show, the viewers at home, our pets. All of us. The guy’s just a dirty little weasel. So I was thrilled when his and Nolan’s (Gabriel Mann) sex tape — which I’m still waiting for a copy of, by the way — was exposed as the means to which he got Nolan to invest with Conrad (Henry Czerny).
Surely this would get him fired, and therefore banished from the Hamptons for good, right? Well, not quite, unfortunately. Just as quickly as Conrad terminated his position at the company, Tyler came back at him with a little shocker of his own: He knows everything! Like, literally everything.
Speaking of knowing things, Victoria (Madeleine Stowe) did a little eavesdropping on a conversation between Emily and Daniel (Joshua Bowman), and now she knows that Amanda Clarke (Margarita Levieva) is back in the Hamptons. It’s rare to see Victoria looking anything less than in-control — especially when she’s sipping her tea… like a bitch — but when she found out Amanda was back, she seemed absolutely petrified.
But for me, the saddest twist of all — besides Tyler tossing the sex tape into Nolan’s pool — was the dissolution of Nolan and Emily’s weird little friendship. They’ve been partners in crime (slash Ralph Lauren-clad besties) all season, and now that they’re at odds, I’m pretty uncomfortable. Almost as uncomfortable as I get when I think about Tyler’s non-eyebrows.
Ugh, I shuddered again just thinking about them.
The promo for the next new episode — which, God willing, won’t be too far in the future — was somehow more intense than tonight’s entire hour. Picture this: Everyone you care about on the show at a birthday party on the beach. Oh, and Tyler’s got a gun. Did I forget to mention that?