TLC's 'Virgin Diaries' Was Equal Parts Embarrassing & Awesome

Mon, December 5, 2011 9:12am EST by 10 Comments

Do you want to see more hilarious ‘Virgin Diaries?’ One hour was simply not enough for us!

TLC’s Virgin Diaries may have been short on sex, but thank God it wasn’t short on awkwardness. The Dec. 4 special gave us a peek into the lives of several people who agreed to abstain from any sexual activity before marriage, and while we’d obviously never criticize them for that decision, we will say it probably wasn’t the smartest idea to broadcast their first encounters on national television.

We were first introduced to a trio of best friends — Lisa, 30, Danielle, 29, and Tamara, 30 — who were so proud of being virgins that they even liked to get together and sing about their decision. But there was something off about their little song… and I’m not just talking about the pitch. Or the harmony. Or the melody. It turns out, one of them wasn’t really a virgin! Tamara described herself as a “reclaimed” virgin, which means she has had sex — many many times, actually — but has decided to wipe her slate clean. Because that’s something you can just do.

Then there was 35-year-old Carey, the only member of the cast who did not choose to remain a virgin — though he probably should have pretended it was a choice, because that would have made his tale way less embarrassing. It was also would have been better if he didn’t immediately admit to being a virgin while on a date. Here’s a tip for Carey: “I’m not very experienced with women” is not the best pick-up line. In fact, it works… about zero percent of the time.

But my favorite couple of the evening, hands down, was Ryan and Shanna, who refused to even kiss before tying the knot. They talked about kissing many times — often while riding the seesaw and giggling like manic toddlers — but it wasn’t until their wedding day that the big kiss finally came. And, oh boy, did it come. The minister probably should have said, “You may now devour the bride,” because Ryan literally attacked Shanna’s face like a snake feasting on a defenseless woodland creature. Their families, as well as the millions of viewers at home, watched in slack-jawed horror as the deed went down.

Some things can never be unseen. And because I don’t like to suffer alone, here’s a clip of Ryan and Shanna’s de-flowering:

Plus, click here for a complete photo breakdown of the super-awkward smooch!

— Andy Swift

Follow Andy on Twitter to share in his Virgin Diaries horror