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Just as we suspected. Kody Brown is a master sperminator, but in last night’s episode of Sister Wives he proves he can’t parent them alone, not even for one night!

So is a father just a sperm donor or should he be able to manage his brood, especially if he decides to father 17 kids with four different wives?

I vote for the maxim that you should never have more kids than you can actually manage, as in babysit yourself — for one night at a bare minimum –AND be able to help with their homework.

Well, Kody Brown fails on both counts. When his wives decide to hit the Sin City strip for a girls’ night out, he gathers all 16 kids at one wife’s house  ( one baby was still due to be born at the time of filming)  and then proceeds to freak out with the mayhem. Wife #2 Janelle admits he “has a deer in the headlights look” as she leaves.

He snaps at older daughter Mariah to help out — which she actually should be doing. He says to another younger daughter — “you and I could have a cry in the corner ’cause I could use one.” Then admits he’s exhausted.

His triumph is when he gets Robyn’s son Dayton who has Asperger’s Syndrome, to finish his homework. Well done, Kody, but why aren’t you helping your kids with homework all the time?

Then, he proves how entirely out of touch he is with his kids — with kids in general — when he warns one young daughter not to sniff her colored markers, only to be told by an older daughter that they ARE scented markers! Aw — it’s not the same as sniffing glue, clueless Kody!

Meanwhile, Kody’s prissy wives walk down the Vegas strip and glare at bikini – clad women, especially one dancing on a table.  HELLOO – IT’s VEGAS! They bemoan that the dancing young woman is “someone’s daughter” and then tell us their philosophy “modest is the hottest!”

Now, I’m not saying that dancing in a bikini is a great profession, but it is questionable as to who’s more exploited — the dancer or four women who’ve decided they are OK sharing a husband?

Meanwhile, Meri is so stressed about making the rent payments — though the wives can afford private workouts with a trainer and spa treatments — and so is hoping to work her stress out at the gym.

Christina has been on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meditation after admitting that “a new wife coming into the family rocks the boat a bit” — YA THINK! Not to mention that Kody married Robyn just after she gave birth to sixth baby, Truly. Nice move, Kody!

The Browns have also found a new religion — working out! Even though the wives — three of whom weigh well over 200 lbs, have made only modest inroads into weight loss after two months with Janelle losing the most at 10lbs — the Browns have decided to open a fitness center.

The new family business will be a workout studio in partnership with the Brown wives’ hunky trainer, Bill Suesz, who already has an investor, Nick, who doesn’t even blink about the Browns’ plural marriage. Convenient on both counts!

Finally, Kody gets a night out with “the boys.” and we find out that our Kody was quite the athlete in high school: two time state champion wrestler! Wow! Now, he just wrestles with wives and kids.

“The boys” — two of which are NOT polygamous — are understandably curious about multiple wives.

“Do you ever find yourself wanting to spend a day or one activity with one wife more than the other,” a guy called Shaun asks. Good question.

You mean, says Kody: “Do I prefer the presence of one wife to another?”

Yes — we ALL want to know that.

But no cigar — Kody isn’t going to get himself into hot water on TV!

“The answer is no. I always enjoy being at home with wherever I’m at. The hard part is leaving a home.”

So could that really be true? Is a polygamous man REALLY able to love every wife equally? No favorites. Or is every wife so interchangeable to him, that it really doesn’t matter who he’s with.

Still seems creepy to me! What about you, Hollywoodlifers?

— Bonnie Fuller

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