'Desperate Housewives' Season Premiere Recap: Someone Knows About The Ladies' Murder — Let The Blackmail Begin!

Mon, September 26, 2011 12:01am EDT by 3 Comments

Real talk: Which housewife do you think is most likely to follow Mary-Alice’s lead and shoot herself in the head? Just asking…

It’s official: the Desperate Housewives are back — and I’m not just talking about the show itself. Susan (Teri Hatcher), Gaby (Eva Longoria), Lynette (Felicity Huffman) and Bree (Marcia Cross) finally came together on the Sept. 25 season premiere in a way they haven’t since the show’s first season. It’s just too bad their reunion has to involve covering up a murder. I can already tell this season of Pretty Little Liars – I mean, Desperate Housewives — is going to be a good one.

Unfortunately, that same feeling of togetherness doesn’t exactly extend throughout Wisteria Lane. Despite the fact that they occasionally sleep together when Lynette gets nightmares, she and Tom (Doug Savant) are still very much separated. They even made it official by breaking the news to their two remaining kids. I really miss the twin-gers (that’s twin gingers, for those of you playing at home.)

Meanwhile, as Bree continued to tip-toe around her cop boyfriend, Gaby tried to help Carlos (Ricardo Chavira) find peace. But since nothing is ever simple on Wisteria Lane, his quest for peace involved Gaby kidnapping a priest. Seriously, after she attacked that nun back in season two, how is Gaby even allowed back in that church?

Lastly, René (Vanessa Williams) reminded us all of her true place on the show — she’s clearly the new Edie, and anyone who says otherwise is lying to themselves — as she shamelessly threw herself at the new neighbor, Ben (Charles Mesure.) We didn’t learn much about Ben this week — other than his clear disinterest with René — but with that accent and devil-may-care facial hair, I’m sure he’s got a past. We just need to be patient.

Speaking of being patient, I can’t wait to see how this final season will bring the whole show full circle, as we’ve been promised. The episode ended with Bree receiving a very familiar letter (“I know what you did. It makes me sick. I’m going to tell.”) and now we’re left with two questions: Who could have sent it?

And more importantly: Which of the women is most likely to follow Mary-Alice’s (Brenda Strong) lead and kill herself out of guilt? Susan seems to be the weakest link, as she literally broke down in tears when she had to bury her class’ hamster. (Miz Delfino, I’m keeping an eye on you.)

Sorry, but someone has to ask the tough questions around here…

— Andy Swift

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