Here we are! The season finale! What will happen?! A final confrontation between Tami and Meeka?! The group ganging up on Suzie for instigating so many fights?! Shaunie making an actual contribution to the show?! Actually, none of that…
This week’s episode picked up where last week’s left off, with Royce meeting Suzie and Jennifer’s half-drunk glass to talk. Royce is annoyed that Jennifer criticizes her sense of fashion when Jennifer is the one that still wears color contacts. What a hypocrite! “She might be a few fries short of a Happy Meal,” Royce says to describe Jennifer. No one quite understands what she means. Then, Suzie says what we’ve been trying to tell her all season: “I guess it didn’t work out again. I guess no one’s gonna get along.” That’s not to say you didn’t try though, Suzie. If there was an awkward confrontation to be had or two people who had no business talking to each other to be put across from each other at dinner, you were there to do it. Kudos to you, Suzie. You tried your darnedest!
Jennifer brings Suzie to pick out a cake for her divorce party, because Suzie’s crazy! Suzie makes suggestions for the cake that make the baker slightly uncomfortable and make us realize that Suzie might be crazier than we actually thought.
Before Chad got home, Evelyn drove past his favorite place to eat and saw him eating with another woman. They have a confrontation on their beg and when he’s not telling her to “Shut the f*ck up,” Chad is incredulous that Evelyn doesn’t want him texting women that he’s previously slept with. They ultimately resolve the fight in two seconds with both of them collapsing in fits of laughter.
Jennifer invites Evelyn over to tell her how excited she is for the divorce party. They decide that there are still things to talk about with Eric and that Jennifer will sit down with him to settle “the longest divorce in history.” Great idea, no? Evelyn says that the wedding was a lot of fun and the divorce party will be even better; the institution of marriage is shown weeping in the background. Jennifer says she’s so excited for the party, she might even take shots! Now we know she means business!
Eric, his teeth, the welt on his head and his business partner Ernest meet for dinner. Eric is still on his “Ya Dig!” World Tour, saying the phrase as many times in one conversation as humanly possible. They discuss the divorce and how it’s been going on for two years. Eric just wants it to be done so that he can continue “his legacy.” Over and over they mention Jennifer’s “dream team” of lawyers in New Jersey. This will be important later.
Jennifer and Evelyn keep saying how exciting the party is because the party makes the divorce “official.” Now, I’m no Elle Woods, but I’m almost 100% positive that signed divorce papers make a divorce official, not a party. Can someone fact check me?
The cake is delivered. It features a sculpture of Jennifer on top holding Eric’s head as a bouquet. He even got his own marzipan welt! The party is underway (the girls are sitting around talking) when Will walks in. Will, you’ll recall, is Jennifer’s date from last week. You know, the one she met once and then invited to her divorce party? Yeah, that one. One-Date-Will and Jennifer start kissing on the dance floor while the other ladies watch and commentate from a balcony. The whole thing is very reminiscent of an 8th grade dance.
Star-Jones’-Ex-Husband Al brings out a piñata shaped like Eric. Jennifer, who is drunk at this point, breaks it with the help of One-Date-Will. Once it breaks open, the ladies find that it’s filled with condoms and money. So, if you were wondering what kind of party this would be, there’s your answer.
It’s time to cut the cake and an inebriated Jennifer has a drink in one hand and a knife in the other. She throws both arms around like she’s not holding anything however causing the ladies to describe it as “a scene from a horror film.” At the cake cutting, we also see that the guests at the divorce party are the following people: Jennifer, Evelyn, Shaunie, Tami, Suzie, Star-Jones’-Ex-Husband Al and One-Date-Will. That’s all.
A few days after the party, Jennifer and Eric, his teeth and his welt sit down for dinner. Jennifer says that her attorney sent him a letter that he’s not responding to. “What attorney?” he retorts. The “dream team” from New Jersey, remember? Seemingly out of nowhere – maybe not; I can only understand what Jennifer said in the conversation – they begin talking about each other’s mothers. It apparently gets heated. “With you the wind is blowing east today and if it’s blowing west tomorrow, it’s a different ball game,” Jennifer says to him. Apparently this is her highfalutin way of saying what we non-Basketball Wives refer to as “hot and cold.” They talk about the fact that Eric has texted Jennifer recently, which much be much easier than talking to him since you can understand what he’s saying. Eric tells Jennifer to send his lawyer her demands and they can put the whole thing behind them. As he storms away from the table, Jennifer throws a glass at him. In return, he gets right in her face, mutters something unintelligible and throws her martini point blank in her face, leaving her drenched and, no doubt, with alcohol in her nose. As Jennifer sits down to contemplate what just happened, we cut to the Miami skyline and with that, the season ends.
Was it the best ending in the world? No. Was it even a good ending? Absolutely not – why not end with all of the ladies together? However, it was right in line with this season of Basketball Wives: drama to the very end. Yes, this season was sensational and sleazy, but it did also have moments of heart. Tender moments between Evelyn and her daughter were not lost among the screaming and fighting. And sometimes we even saw glimmers of true friendship between some of the ladies…amongst the glasses and fists being thrown.