Plus, the witches drive the vampires to mass-suicide. (Don’t do it, friends! Sookeh needs you!)
The love square that is Sookie Stackhouse’s life got a little more complicated — and awkward — on the Aug. 8 episode of True Blood when Alcide (Joe Manganiello) walked in on Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) plowing Sookie (Anna Paquin) in the woods. Sookie and Eric eventually returned home, where they proceeded to deliver what can only be described as soft-core porn.
But Sookie’s love life didn’t nearly take as big a hit as the vampires of Bon Temps. Marnie (Fiona Shaw), or should I say “Antonia,” rallied her witches together to perform a spell that would make all vampires want to walk into the sun. To prevent this insane disaster from occurring, King Bill (Stephen Moyer) ordered all vampires — at least the ones in Bon Temps, anyway — to be tied down with silver chains and kept indoors.
This worked for most of our fanged friends — the scene with Pam (Kristin Bauer Van Straten) struggling to get out of her coffin while Ginger (Tara Buck) rode it like a washing machine was pretty spectacular — but it didn’t go so smoothly for Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll), who broke free from her chains and began her escape into the sun.
Fortunately, Jessica’s blood-buddy Jason (Ryan Kwanten) is on the way to save her, though HBO did wisely leave all traces of the redhead out of the preview for next week’s episode.
Now let’s back to Pam for a minute. Of all the things that have ever trended on Twitter, why wasn’t “Poor Pam” a worldwide issue tonight? Dr. Ludwig — welcome back, by the way — spent the hour performing crazy painful procedures on her, just to remove her rotting skin. Sadly, though, there’s still no way to reverse the rotting itself without a witch.
Speaking of witches — eh, sort of — both Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) and Baby Mikey are now going all Sixth Sense and seeing the same ghost. A ghost that likes to sing really creepy songs in foreign languages.
Meanwhile, Sam (Sam Trammell) dealt with more family drama this week, as he put two-and-two together and found out Tommy (Marshall Allman) slept with Luna (Janina Gavankar) after shifting into him. He predictably kicked Tommy out of his house, but am I the only one who thinks he should’ve just killed him? Tommy goes quietly, and you definitely don’t want a skin-walker to be holding any grudges.