Do nice guys finish last?
After months of speculation, Ashley Hebert finally made her choice last night: she opted for for volatile New Yorker JP Rosenbaum over sensitive winemaker Ben Flajnik on The Bachelorette. But did Ashley make the wrong choice?
Although it was widely assumed that she would choose the 34-year-old construction manager, it was still a shock that Ashley let both men propose, only to break 28-year-old Ben’s heart.
“You can’t leave something like this on good terms. It’s not possible,” the Sonoma, Calif. resident told Ashley after she rejected him. “I’m in utter shock and disbelief.” And he walked away — an eloquent and effective exit strategy.
This is the way a nice guy gets his heart broken: gracefully. Indeed, even on the After the Final Rose special, Ben was still a complete gentleman. “I’m not angry,” he admitted. “There was anger. You put yourself out there and it doesn’t come true, it’s like being told no! I left with a little bit of dignity I think. I couldn’t have gotten to where I was if it weren’t for you. And for that, thank you. The friendship thing, I think it’ll be there.”
What a nice guy!
However, the 24-year-old dental assistant went for JP, who readily admits he’s stubborn, frustrated too easily when he doesn’t get his way and lacking in patience, partially because of her overwhelming attraction to him.
“We have this passion for each other, but we also have this magical, unspoken connection where it’s so easy and it feels like I’ve known him forever,” she said on last night’s show. “He’s committed and he’s going to be a great family man. He is the total package for me.”
But it is Ashley who is giving up her hometown by moving to be with JP in NYC, and it is JP that Ashley’s sister, Chrystie, doesn’t like. The plot thickens.
So, when faced with a choice between two men, who do you opt for? Does the nice guy always have to finish last?
Here’s the thing: you can’t date someone you aren’t attracted to. It just doesn’t work. You can become more attracted to the guy you’re dating over time as you realize what an amazing person he is, and what a deep connection you have, but you can’t physically make yourself fall for a man.
Sexual chemistry is something we always desire in a relationship, and we think that should be what we go for in the long run: but this kind of unending passion is hard to sustain and isn’t the basis for a strong relationship.
It’s totally telling that when asked why she chose JP, the first thing Ashley mentioned was her “passion” for him. She’s also having to give up her Pennsylvania hometown, and methinks she might be giving up too much for a guy who won’t treat her like a queen.
Ben respected Ashley, was always sweet and goofy and seemed like he would have been the perfect husband. I don’t think this nice guy should have finished last.
So remember, if you’re faced with a choice between two men, weigh all your options and add all the factors up. Yes, sex is an important part of a relationship — but sexual desire does not last forever. What makes for a lasting relationship is respect, loyalty, trust and love.