Should You Be Having Sexy Sleepovers With One Guy If You're Dating Several Like Ashley Hebert Was?

The Bachelorette spent the night with contestant Ben Flajnik — while she was dating five other guys! Is this wrong or acceptable?

Ashley Hebert is down to six guys on The Bachelorette and although she’s trying to find true love, it seems like she’s actually just getting a whole lot of lovin’ (a.k.a. sex) from many of the men. Is it OK if you’re dating around to get frisky with all of the men you’re seeing or is Ashley completely in the wrong?

On the July 11 episode of the hit reality show, the 26-year-old dental student travels to Taiwan with the six remaining contestants. But Ash simply can’t control her sexual urges, and not only has a sleepover with Ben Flajnik (although they didn’t sleep in the same room), but makes out with Ames Brown and Lucas Daniels on her group date; she also kisses Constantine Tzortzis.

Worst of all, none of these three guys is actually rumored to be the winner! That title reportedly went to J.P. Rosenbaum, who watches a girl he’s starting to fall get frisky with everyone but him.

J.P. confronts her later and says, “To watch you go out with other guys, I don’t want to do it. It’s been terrible. I was not in a good mood. I don’t know anything that’s going on. It made me crazy. I guess it’s jealousy, but I guess it’s kind of normal. When you feel this way about someone, everything changes.”

So, is Ashley in the right to be making moves like a man would — or is her behavior completely inappropriate? Should you follow in her footsteps?

NO! I’m going to liken dating to shopping here, so stay with me. There’s nothing wrong with trying on a lot of clothing while you’re in hot pursuit of the perfect outfit, but until you’ve seen all that’s out there, don’t make any commitments to buy. Meaning: Ashley should be taking it slow with all of these guys until she knows what they’re all about.

Many women rush into a sexual relationship thinking it’s going to move your love along faster, but that isn’t the case. It’s just going to make you fall a lot harder. If a guy knows you’re having a sexual relationship with other guys, he’s not going to think very highly of you. In fact, you may just get used.

Dating is all about finding someone you’re compatible with, and sex can mess with the equation. Women tend to get their hearts involved when they’ve been intimate with a guy and find it a lot harder to assess whether they actually like him or just like him because of the intimacy.

So do not do as Ashley did. Although she and Ben didn’t sleep in the same room, she’s sending a message to other guys that she’s a bit easy and too available — especially given that she’s made out with two on the group date. I wonder how J.P. can witness her cat in heat behavior and still like her!

In summary, take things slow. Why hurry love – or loving?

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Ashley, is a player!

I’m an older girl who’s been through a lot of men. Never dated and jumped in bed within the first 3 months or maybe a year. I had all the men and anyone I actually wanted. Ashley, I think is misguided by sex. JP was better in bed.
He is evidently a drinker. He works on consgruction it all goes together.
Ashley, might have met her match with JP. It’ll be rocky and I’m afraid not at all what she wanted. The right one got away and was he ever lucky! He’ll meet the love of his life. And will know when he does.

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You should go read Chris Harrison’s blog. He explained that the reason they didn’t get back until morning was because the date was hours away from the hotel and the crew was tired. They didn’t sleep in the same room, nor were they allowed to. Please fact check beforehand.

I think most women move too fast s*xually in relationships. Women equate it to love, real intimacy on a deep level, and that is where they go wrong. Guys for the most part can make out or sleep with a woman, and think nothing of it but that it was a fun night. Are all men that way, no, but I would say the majority are. If a woman held back longer she would see what the guys were really there for.

On a related, but side note. If it were me on the “Fantasy Dates”, I wouldn’t stay overnight. It is too much temptation WAY too early in the relationship. Not to mention it’s on TV, and I think most people tend to think the worst. My reputation, my family’s, and those of the people that know me is far too important for me to risk them having to answer questions about that! Also, if a guy wants more time with me, he can have it out of a hotel room, and I would hope he would respect me for my reasons. If he didn’t though, or cut me for not going to the “Fantasy Suite”, so much the better. Then I would know how the guy really was, and how much he really cared about the real me.

I honestly wish they would do away with the “Fantasy Suite” dates anyway. It is a bit gross if you ask me. There have been past contestants who have slept with each of the people who get a “Fantasy Suite” card! Disgusting!

Oh, and JP for Ahsley’s final pick! I think they seem best together :)

@galey are you for real? all over the guys? aside from JP she is so not all over the guys. even ben’s kisses are like pecks. she is doing a great job. ask how many girls Bob G from the bachelor had sex with during his season?

Ashley is not that physical w the guys at all. Except for jp, all weve seen her do r pecks on the lips… Which is actually taking things verrryyyy slow on bachelorette level. By hometown dates many prev bacht would have been tongue hockeying lots of men.

I also did not see the overnight date as being sexytime, but giving ash n ben more time to connect and know each other. To hang out till late n then go for brekky the nxt morning together, nothing more. She has not indicated in this season that shes one to rush into anything sexual, many of her dates r more ‘mental’ or ‘intellectual’ rather than physical.

Have you watched any of the other “Bachelor/ette” seasons? Every single one of them was making out with multiple candidates for that final rose. I agree, it’s rushing love way too much (which is kind of the whole show, really), but she’s been far less physical than any of the Bachelors. Double standard, perhaps?

Ashley is the worst bachelorette yet……she gives all the guys signals that THEY are special to her and she is all over them and then when they don’t get a rose, they don’t understand why.

I actually really like Ashley as a Bachelorette. She has been so open and honest. If she did anything wrong by these guys it was being too trusting. I know she has said she felt she was too closed off during Brad’s season, so she made the decision to be open to how the show works, and finding love. However she was a bit nieve, she let herself think that all of the men were there for the right reason. Bentley stayed on her mind for far too long, but I am pretty sure most of the Bachelorettes/Bachelors felt as if they had found “the one” pretty early on in the process. Ashley was just too verbal about it, she should have played her hand closer to the vest. I think that is what has bothered people most about her sadly, the whole Bentley thing, and how much she talked about him. Otherwise I think people would have liked her much more overall. I feel bad that people have been so harsh with regard to her. Had she looked more fake, like so many of the women in Hollywood, and that they pick for the Bachelor season, I think men would have excused her anything and been far less critical.