Larry’s divorce from Cheryl is officially underway, but that wasn’t the only bloodbath he had to deal with.
For the record, I would gladly engage in a divorce with Larry David. On the season 8 premiere of HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry and his divorce lawyer crafted a scheme to screw over Cheryl (Cheryl Hines.) “I want to look like a good guy,” Larry said. “…But I don’t really want to be a good guy.”
Larry was none too pleased that his soon-to-be-ex-wife hired a fellow bald man to represent her because, as he put it, that goes against “the bald code.” And he was even less pleased to discover that his own lawyer turned out to be a closet gentile!
But the divorce was hardly the biggest obstacle facing Larry in the season premiere. His friend Joe’s 13-year-old daughter Kiera came knocking on his door selling Girl Scout cookies — and ended up having her first period in his doorway. To make things even more uncomfortable, she didn’t know how to use a tampon, so naturally Larry volunteered to walk her through the process.
When Joe (understandably) flipped out about it, Larry rescinded his interest in the cookies, pissing off a trio of Girl Scouts in the process — although he may have also offended them by commending them on their diversity. (“A black, an Asian, and are you a Jew, perchance?”)
Larry tried to smooth things over with Joe by recommending a new lawyer, who he confirmed was indeed Jewish, but it all backfired when the lawyer turned out to be a dud. Not only did Joe lose ownership of the Dodgers, but Larry lost his house to Cheryl in the divorce.
Eight seasons in, and it still sucks to be Larry.
— Andy Swift
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