'Basketball Wives': Jennifer Shops For Divorce Party Sex Toys & Brian Stares At Royce's Vagina — Ugh!

Mon, July 11, 2011 11:05pm EDT by 5 Comments

The drama is non-stop as the wives get raunchy, plan a trip to Italy and then exclude Royce.

Tonight’s episode started with Jennifer and Meeka discussing last week’s blind date and Jennifer and Evelyn discussing the trip to New York. Evelyn asks Jennifer is she’s “hit” her blind date since they met. I’ll save everyone the twenty minutes to figure out that she meant “get in contact with” him.
Meeka, Suzie, and Royce go luxury car shopping where Royce’s boyfriend Brian comes up in discussion. The girls think he seems like a “smooth operator” and that Royce is moving too fast.

Jennifer tells Shaunie and Evelyn that she just found out that her ex, Eric, lives in the building across the street from hers. She then looks at the camera and says that she doesn’t want him to find out where she lives. I think the jig might be up, Jennifer. She decides that within the next month she wants to have a “divorce party.”

Suzie and Meeka come to meet Brian for the first time. Suzie thinks, “he seems like a ‘smooth character.’ And not in a good way.” I don’t think “character” is ever used as a positive adjective, Suzie. As soon as they sit down, they interrogate him. They ask him every uncomfortable question under the sun. If you were wondering, he’s only been to jail once; a misunderstanding. Suzie points out to us that “he’s talking to her and looking at Royce’s vagina the whole time. He seems like a con artist.” Ah, Suzie. The voice of the people. Nothing says “con artist” like quick peeks at a girl’s vagina. Not content to simply let us know about Brian’s crotch-gazing ways, Suzie tells Royce at the table “he’s looking at your vagina like he’s thirsty!” Drinks anyone?

Jennifer and Evelyn go shopping at a sex shop to plan for Jennifer’s divorce party. Evelyn is “schooling” Jennifer; telling her “what’s for what.” And then, Jennifer goes on to deliver this line, about her time in a sex shop with Evelyn, without one single hint of irony: “When it comes to the world of dildos I am in pre-school and Jennifer has graduated college cum laude.” Ok? Ok.

Evelyn calls Shaunie while walking her dog and within seconds they have planned a trip to Italy for the girls (a common theme of this episode is people finding out about the trip and not being surprised). I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Shaunie is recently on a mission to change the way African-American women are portrayed on television. She wants them to be portrayed less dramatically and have more real relationships shown. I think it’s safe to say she undermines any single one of her arguments when she says, “I think we should invite everybody except Royce.” How peaceful. She’s the next Dali Lama.

Brian takes Royce mini-golfing which is downright insulting to her because she’s so adventurous. I mean, hasn’t he ever met her?! She uses the word “boring” approximately 22 times to describe it. Finally, she puts the kibosh on the game and Brian surprises her with roses and wine. What horrible timing! Royce is about to lay a major shocker on him! Earth-shattering! After he’s presented her with said flowers and wine, Royce informs Brian that she’s been dating other men. “I respect that,” he says. Well, a camera’s in his face. What else is he going to say?

Evelyn is chatting with her friend Noe and tells him that Jennifer was recently on a Michigan radio station talking smack about Chad. What great news that Evelyn’s friend in Michigan happened to hear the interview! Evelyn wants to confront Jennifer but “she’s not the easiest person to talk to because she’s not talkative.” Well, that would present an issue, wouldn’t it? Noe comes up with the brilliant idea to confront Jennifer on the trip! Evelyn agrees! This is brilliant! Neither can come up with a better time to have this argument than on a friendly trip to another continent!

Shaunie and Evelyn invite Jennifer and Suzie to dinner to tell them about the Italy trip. Neither bat an eyelash. It almost seems like everyone knew about this trip already. Even more so when the waiters bring out a cake shaped like Italy. “It looks like a penis!” everyone exclaims. Well, they don’t call it “The Penis” for nothing. Oh, what’s that? They call it “The Boot?” Oh. Jennifer tells the girls she wants to see the coliseum where the gladiators fought because that’s really hot. No one can tell if she’s talking in past or present tense. Throughout the meal we also learned that Jennifer has never slept with an Italian man, so that’s one less question I have for her.

Dr. “Suzie” Phil decides that she’s the best person to sit Royce down and tell her she wasn’t invited to Italy. She does so in the most awkward/clunky way, almost positive to hurt Royce’s feelings. However, never one to be brought down, Royce could care less. She’s already been to Rome. It’s then that she starts crying. “Your eyes are watering,” Suzie points out. “That means I drank a lot of water,” Royce replies. PHEW! I thought Royce was crying because literally every other woman on her reality show is going on a trip and she wasn’t invited because the majority of them don’t like her but, it turns out she just drank water. I wonder what she looks like when she’s crying…

The girls arrive in Italy where Tami has decided she’s not talking to Meeka. Except at their first meal where she decides to lay into her in front of all of their friends in another one of Basketball Wives’ unintelligible fights. Is there something mentally wrong with me (RHETORICAL, PEOPLE!!) or, are the fights these women have literally impossible to keep up with. I consider myself an intelligent person but I found myself rewinding the TV multiple times to try to figure out what these women were fighting about.

In a shocking change of tone, next week promises a fight! This time between Evelyn and Jennifer!

Still talking. Still relevant.

–Scott Galina

Get More Basketball Wives:

  1. ‘Basketball Wives’ Star Shaunie O’Neal: ‘I’m Not Happy Right Now’
  2. ‘Basketball Wives’ Recap: Evelyn & Tami Have a Relationship Like…Ike and Tina?
  3. Basketball Wives’ Recap: Evelyn Gets Foul Mouthed & Out of Control At A Polo Match!