While Gabby is “too pretty to go to jail,” it looks like Krystal is too drunk NOT to!
Teacher Gabrielle, 25, from Lakeland, FL is all set to marry fiancé Matthew, 26, a massage therapist. The two met in the parking lot of a check-cashing store, and it wasn’t exactly love at first sight. Gabrielle had a car and the ride-less Matt romantically thought, “Hey, that could work.”
Five years later, the two are preparing for the Florida wedding of their dreams, with the help of wedding planner Curlinda, who Gabby has had frequent arguments with. Gabby worries about her outbursts, but is confident that she is “too pretty for jail.”
Her wedding party, comprised of overweight friends and an even more overweight sister, is the victim of most of the abuse as Gabby is constantly rethinking its members and their titles. Candice, one of her long time friends, is almost cutout of the group after she’s 10 minutes late to a meeting, but Gabby rationally explains that she “expects Candice to be her whipping girl.”
Candice asks to be the new maid of honor after Gabby’s sister Katie is criticized for not helping enough. Gabby makes her prove that she’s worthy the title by making her run out to grab “foot-longs” with Katie’s money as the ladies get their nails done. Katie is immediately angry that Candice has purchased her own foot-long using her money, and decides to hide Gabby’s new, reggae-themed, honeymoon dresses to retaliate causing Gabby and Candice to breakdown into hysterics in the parking lot.
New drama is started when Gabby finds that the caterer expects to be paid for the rehearsal dinner, which she has decided to cancel two days before the expected meal. To make matters worse, it’s revealed that her fiancé Matthew had never accommodated a rehearsal dinner in his budget.
Scenes from next week’s episode don’t show a rehearsal dinner, but some definite Bachelorette party fun with a thong-wearing male stripper named Panther.
Krystal, 36 from Clearwater, FL continues her story from last week’s episode with her fiancé Scott, 30, a multimedia journalist.
Looking more like an episode of “Intervention” than “Bridezillas,” Krystal continues to deal with issues between her parents, who have been divorced for years, and friends who she’s convinced will purposely ruin her wedding day.
While smoking cigarettes and making paper flowers with her mother, who explains she is too burnt and tired to help, she decides that her bridesmaids aren’t doing nearly enough to help her and chooses instead to drink.
Needing to write vows, she cruises WedAlert.com to find “funny wedding vows,” but after Scott explains that his vows are only “half-funny” she settles on excerpts from the redneck vows section of the site. In a twist of bad timing, both of her estranged parents show up at her apartment at the same time, causing a crimp in her honeymoon packing and a major argument when her father asks to bring his girlfriend, who her mother thinks is a “skanky crackhead.”
After excessive screaming and four more beers, Krystal decides neither parent can have a date and that her mother should leave her house after calling her father the “biggest, pervert, rapist-looking jerk.”
Krystal steps away from the drama and decides to get a tattoo on her wrist for Scott reading, “forever your fighting partner,” which brings Scott to tears at their rehearsal dinner.
On the day of the wedding, Krystal is concerned that groomsmen have been kicked off of her “jolly trolley”, which is the transportation to the wedding, and that Scott is “delusionally drunk” before 2 p.m.
But, after stopping at the liquor store on the way to the ceremony, the two make it to the church and are happily (drunkenly) married on the beach. Though Scott says he wanted to “punch her in the throat a few times that week” and moons the camera, the two end the episode with a happily betrothed kiss.
With a happy ending for Krystal, we have to wait to see whether Gabrielle will be so lucky.