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The New Adventures of a HollyDaddy — How I Ate My Baby's Umbilical Cord!

Wed, February 9, 2011 8:00am EDT by 3 Comments
Posted Wed, February 9, 2011 8:00am EDT

Prepare to be grossed out by the most disgusting baby story you’ll ever read!

It’s been just a few short weeks since Jill and I brought baby Callum home from the hospital, and this HollyDad has already been pooped on, peed on, puked on – and temporarily deafened by nightly tantrums and screaming fits. So I thought I’d faced the worst a baby boy can throw at his bewildered parent. How wrong I was.

The New Adventures Of A HollyDaddy — Introducing HollyBaby’s Own Ian Garland

After his umbilical cord was snipped in the delivery room, Callum – like all newborns – was left with a stump of dead skin, which then dries up and drops off between 7 and 10 days after birth.

When Callum was 10 days old, we noticed his cord stump had dropped off – leaving him with a perfectly-formed ‘innie’ belly button. We were thrilled, because it meant we no longer had to tiptoe around it while wiping him down and diapering him up. Thrilled, that is, until we found out where the stump had fallen.

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Somehow, while we were juggling dinner and diaper duty, the impossible happened! The remainder of Callum’s umbilical cord, which I had so emotionally snipped barely a week before, had fallen into my risotto, sneakily disguising itself among the mushrooms, artichoke and grains of rice.

And it remained well hidden until I took the last greedy mouthful of my dinner and sensed an unusual texture in my mouth. I quickly found the culprit and whipped it out – and it didn’t take me long to figure out what the tough brownish yellow object was!

In my horror I quickly washed the remainder of my risotto – and a little piece of my baby son – into the New York sewage system.

I didn’t stay disgusted for long. In fact, other people I’ve told the story to have been far more grossed out about it than me. After all, Callum has half my DNA. Chewing on his dead skin is no worse than nibbling on my own finger nails, right?

So there you have it. Not content with just cutting his baby’s umbilical cord, this HollyDad had to eat it too!

Can you beat that HollyMoms & Dads? Share your gross baby stories with us in the comments section!

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— Ian Garland

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