‘Bridalplasty’ Recap — Idiot Women & The Plastic Surgeons Who Love Them!

Mon, December 20, 2010 3:33pm EST by 3 Comments

bridalplasty, bridalplasty recap, jenessa, alexandra

The ‘Bridalplasty’ brain trust is back for another fun filled week — do you think we could start a campaign to exile these women once this show is over?

The latest episode of Bridalplasty was all about class and manners and palettes, something every single woman on the show completely lacks. The set-up basically made me want to physically reach through the television and do anything I could to silence the cast of America’s lowest common denominators. Alas, technology failed me yet again…

The downfall of American society got to have fun with food and spirits this week and guess things like which glass of champagne comes from a $3 bottle and which from a $450 bottle, and are you eating pate or liverwurst (I mean, seriously?). Jenessa was VERY good at this she explained because she lives near New York City. I pray I never run into her.

Also being her typical delightful self was Alexandra. I usually take no stock in characters on reality television, but I am fairly certain I actually despise this woman more than some people I actually know. I also very much enjoy how she is yearning for a tummy tuck as she spent a good five minutes tomahawking chunks of cake into her mouth. You keep doing you A.

Dominique was this week’s big winner, meaning she gets to leave with a new nose! This of course involved a trip to the roadside, strip mall office of plastic surgeon Dr. Terry Dubrow, the kind of place that looks as if it sells those mini-horoscopes at the register. I mean honestly, that is not a place I would feel comfortable having invasive surgery at. I don’t even know if I would use the bathroom there in a bind.

And just in time for the holiday season, the rebuilt cast of Bridaplasty is slowly beginning to look like residents from the “Island of Misfit Toys,” with their taped noses, gauzed boobs and altogether shattered bodies. Plus, half of these basket cases seem to be in a pill haze most of the time, thus adding even more depth to their biting non sequiturs.

This episode did have it’s highlights, and provided what is arguably one of the greatest lines ever spoken. When trying to determine if she was drinking a $4 jug wine with actual dirt mixed in or a $350 Bordeaux, Jenessa uttered this statement: “Okay, the pressure is on because I don’t want to look like I don’t have any class.”

You know, cause the whole going on a show to get a new body by winning challenges failed to hint at that notion. Oh, and she thought the dirt wine was the Bordeaux.

Fathers and mothers of the world, please make sure to tell your children you love them every day. Trust me.

-Chris Spargo

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Philippos Marinakos

Posted at 7:36 PM on December 21, 2010  

…and let’s not forget “The Biggest Loser.” Who wouldn’t want to win that crown? Has anyone seen the way they treat those people? How many round table geniuses gather about to figure out the newest and most creative way to humiliate a human being. Reminds me of the newest version of “Stepford Wives,” when executive big shot (Nicole Kidmann) introduced the reality show, “I Can Do Better.” A parody, I’m sure, but none-the-less true.

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Philippos Marinakos

Posted at 7:31 PM on December 21, 2010  

Public display of self humiliation seems to be an all time favorite passtime. I thought Jerry Springer was bad and though I readily admit I found it entertaining at times I one day asked myself, “what’s so funny?”
Reality TV these days isn’t really about the contestants as much as it is for the sadistic hosts that enjoy hunting down the most self-loathing people on the planet, only to put them in front of a camera and pelt them with ridicule…while they claim they’re helping of course.
Look at Dr. Phil. His show is nada. Hell’s Kitchen? I wouldn never eat in a place that treated it’s employees like that. He screams at them and belittles them and all the while they turn to him and scream, in a militant tone, “Yes Chef!!”
Am I wrong?
All these reality shows are disgusting and believe you me I am far from [square].
The only thing that people can do is stop the voyeuristic urge to watch these shows and hope the blathering hosts and the networks that hire them lose their ratings…and their jobs.
Now I’m certain I miss The Honeymooners, and Brady Bunch. Okay, perhaps I’m a little [square] but at least I love myself the way i am. My $.02

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Posted at 4:20 PM on December 20, 2010  

Yes, remove these women from society. Also, remove their new husbands too. Something has to be said about men who would marry such trainwrecks. Give them their own private place away from society. That way, when they breed, we don’t have to put their brood through school, see them botching orders at McDonalds, and someday being pulled out of a beat up pick-up truck on COPS.

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