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Mother Defends Son's Right To Dress In Drag For Halloween. But Experts Worry She Went Too Far When She Labeled Him As 'Gay' On Her Blog

Sat, November 6, 2010 9:00am EDT by 30 Comments

This mother is coming under fire for posting a picture of her 5-year-old son dressed as Daphne from Scooby Doo for Halloween on her personal blog and then calling him gay. While I applaud her defense of her son, I don’t think she should have labeled him. What do you think?

A woman who goes by the name Cop’s Wife on her blog Nerdy Apple Bottom is being praised by many for defending her 5-year-old son’s right to dress up as a female character from his favorite cartoon. But when she posted a picture of him on her blog wearing his Daphne from Scooby Doo costume under the headline “My Son Is Gay” she may have crossed a line, according to relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle.

The 35-year-old mother-of-three didn’t think twice when her son asked for the costume. Later the little guy got nervous about how people would react to him wearing a red wig and pink and purple outfit. Of course she reassured the tot that everything would be fine because it’s only Halloween, after all.

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Dr. Carle commends the mom for letting her boy wear whatever costume his heart desired. “In this case, the child asked to wear the costume. And at 5, he might not even considered the ramifications of dressing up feminine,” she tells “It was right for Mom to allow her child his freedom of expression.”

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But when they arrived at school the other kids’ parents weren’t so understanding. Cop’s Wife writes on her blog: “Mom A says in disgust, ‘Did he ask to be that?!’ I say that he sure did as Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn’t I try to talk him out of it.”

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Since Cop’s Wife felt like the other mothers were bullying her and her son, she fought back on the blog. But her decision to use the phrase “My Son Is Gay” wasn’t the smartest move in Dr. Carle’s opinion. “Great that Mom is standing up for loving her son no matter what his gender. Great that she allowed him creative license with the costume he chose. But she didn’t have to assign it a ‘gay’ title, nor did she have to post it onto the Internet.”

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I certainly agree with the sentiments that Cop’s Wife expressed about her son, Boo, when she said, “If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.”

She points out that if her daughter had dressed as Batman, no one would have thought twice about it, and she is right. And then she says, “If a set of purple sparkly tights and a velvety dress is what makes my baby happy one night, then so be it. If he wants to carry a purse, or marry a man, or paint fingernails with his best girlfriend, then ok. My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what is ‘normal’ and what is not, but to help him become a good person. I hope I am doing that.”

OK, so she doesn’t want  to dictate what is “normal,” doesn’t want to stifle her son and clearly doesn’t feel right about labeling children, so I think it’s a shame that she decided to title her blog post “My Son is Gay.” Whether her child is or isn’t, only time will tell, but I think Boo’s mom should have left him with the option to let the world know about his sexual orientation when and if he wants to.

What do you think about all of this HollyMoms? Was Cop’s Mom right to let her little boy dress up as Daphne? How do you feel about her labeling him as gay on her blog?

–Amy L. Harper

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