Mother Defends Son's Right To Dress In Drag For Halloween. But Experts Worry She Went Too Far When She Labeled Him As 'Gay' On Her Blog

Sat, November 6, 2010 9:00am EST by 30 Comments

This mother is coming under fire for posting a picture of her 5-year-old son dressed as Daphne from Scooby Doo for Halloween on her personal blog and then calling him gay. While I applaud her defense of her son, I don’t think she should have labeled him. What do you think?

A woman who goes by the name Cop’s Wife on her blog Nerdy Apple Bottom is being praised by many for defending her 5-year-old son’s right to dress up as a female character from his favorite cartoon. But when she posted a picture of him on her blog wearing his Daphne from Scooby Doo costume under the headline “My Son Is Gay” she may have crossed a line, according to relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle.

The 35-year-old mother-of-three didn’t think twice when her son asked for the costume. Later the little guy got nervous about how people would react to him wearing a red wig and pink and purple outfit. Of course she reassured the tot that everything would be fine because it’s only Halloween, after all.

Shiloh Jolie-Pitt likes to dress in boy’s clothing

Dr. Carle commends the mom for letting her boy wear whatever costume his heart desired. “In this case, the child asked to wear the costume. And at 5, he might not even considered the ramifications of dressing up feminine,” she tells “It was right for Mom to allow her child his freedom of expression.”

Ricky Martin revealed he was gay for the sake of his kids

But when they arrived at school the other kids’ parents weren’t so understanding. Cop’s Wife writes on her blog: “Mom A says in disgust, ‘Did he ask to be that?!’ I say that he sure did as Halloween is the time of year that you can be whatever it is that you want to be. They continue with their nosy, probing questions as to how that was an option and didn’t I try to talk him out of it.”

Check out these celebrity kids cute Halloween costumes

Since Cop’s Wife felt like the other mothers were bullying her and her son, she fought back on the blog. But her decision to use the phrase “My Son Is Gay” wasn’t the smartest move in Dr. Carle’s opinion. “Great that Mom is standing up for loving her son no matter what his gender. Great that she allowed him creative license with the costume he chose. But she didn’t have to assign it a ‘gay’ title, nor did she have to post it onto the Internet.”

Brangelina’s kids wore homemade Halloween costumes

I certainly agree with the sentiments that Cop’s Wife expressed about her son, Boo, when she said, “If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.”

She points out that if her daughter had dressed as Batman, no one would have thought twice about it, and she is right. And then she says, “If a set of purple sparkly tights and a velvety dress is what makes my baby happy one night, then so be it. If he wants to carry a purse, or marry a man, or paint fingernails with his best girlfriend, then ok. My job as his mother is not to stifle that man that he will be, but to help him along his way. Mine is not to dictate what is ‘normal’ and what is not, but to help him become a good person. I hope I am doing that.”

OK, so she doesn’t want  to dictate what is “normal,” doesn’t want to stifle her son and clearly doesn’t feel right about labeling children, so I think it’s a shame that she decided to title her blog post “My Son is Gay.” Whether her child is or isn’t, only time will tell, but I think Boo’s mom should have left him with the option to let the world know about his sexual orientation when and if he wants to.

What do you think about all of this HollyMoms? Was Cop’s Mom right to let her little boy dress up as Daphne? How do you feel about her labeling him as gay on her blog?

–Amy L. Harper

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Posted at 6:35 PM on July 6, 2011  

Ladylike Post. This record helped me in my college assignment. Thnaks Alot

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Posted at 10:17 AM on June 1, 2011  

People tke thingz 2 seriously! It was probably a joke! Gosh!

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Posted at 5:01 PM on May 8, 2011  

I think the title was supposed to be tied in with the first few sentences, as if reflecting the stereotypes that others attempted to push on her son for his decision.

“My son is gay. Or he’s not. I don’t care.”

I don’t think it was that SHE was labeling him, but that she was making it a point that he shouldn’t be assigned a label that had anything to do with sexuality based on his desire to dress up as a female character.

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Richard Templeton

Posted at 6:03 PM on May 2, 2011  

I wrote this as a reply on her blog but I’m guessing she won’t publish it…

Do you let you kid run in the street in traffic? Hopefully not.

We make sure our kids don’t do things like that because they might get hurt. So, the whole “my kid wanted to do this” that you are hanging your argument on doesn’t really make any sense.

If you see a kid running in the street and a parent doing nothing about it, it is because the parent wants the kid to run in the street. Children will do all sorts of random things.

This is no different.

I really can’t believe you posted that picture and a post entitled “my son is gay” when the kid is 5 years old. You are obviously very excited about it and want to “show the world” how “progressive” you are.

This has zero to do with what is best for the child and everything to do with you feeling like you are better than everyone else. Unfortunately, in this case, your attention seeking and wanting to feel better than everyone else is at the expense of your child’s well being.

Please check yourself before you wreck your kid (further).

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Posted at 6:16 PM on May 29, 2011  

Relax as the lady said would you let your daughter dress up as batman for Halloween or a pirate if she asked? (“those are supposed to be boys”)I think she was just trying to get a point across to all those mom’s at the school were so judgemental.

My brother’s gay. He played with Transformers, Lego, etc. He did all the boy stuff. Trust me. A child dressing up as DAPHNE or painting there finger nails is not going to change their sexual orientation.

PS. running into a street and wearing a costume are to totally different issues. Neither one will make you gay by the way!

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Posted at 9:32 PM on April 27, 2011  

Like any mother should, she defended her son. Which is a wonderful thing. But, calling a 5 year old gay? Even as some sort of a “joke”, is going a step too far. In my opinion..

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Posted at 3:27 PM on April 25, 2011  

In the words of Fred and Barney…”We’ll have a gay ol time.” Pretty sure gay can still mean happy and doesn’t necessarily imply homosexuality.

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Posted at 4:12 PM on April 24, 2011  

there is NOTHING wrong in what she wrote on her blogpost,nor is there anything wrong about the title.
she is just reacting to people’s perceptions that her kid mayb gay because he dressed up as a woman.did you people even READ the blog before criticizing it?she did not tell anybody about his “sexual orientation”.don’t be so daft

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Posted at 9:58 PM on April 21, 2011  

She never said her son is gay she said IF he is gay.

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Lowes Promotional Code

Posted at 2:33 PM on April 8, 2011  

I don’t usually comment but I gotta admit regards for the post on this one : D.

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Posted at 4:00 PM on March 20, 2011  

????? ?????? ??????????? ( ??????? ??????????? ?????? ) ?????????? ? ??????????? ???????, ???????? 1200*800 ? 1200*1000, ? ??? ?? ???????? ??? ????????????. ???????? ?????????, ?????? ?? ????? ?????????. ????? ????????? ?????? ???????? ?????????? ?????????: ?. ?????????, ??. ??????? 18. ???. +7(351) 233-07-14. ???????? “?????????” ???????? ?? ?????.( ??????? ??????????? ?????? ) ?????????? ? ??????????? ???????, ???????? 1200*800 ? 1200*1000, ? ??? ?? ???????? ??? ????????????. ???????? ?????????, ?????? ?? ????? ?????????. ????? ????????? ?????? ???????? ?????????? ?????????: ?. ?????????, ??. ??????? 18. ???. +7(351) 233-07-14. ???????? “?????????” ???????? ?? ?????.

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Tammy G.

Posted at 2:30 PM on November 8, 2010  

The Bible says that males should not wear female garb and females should not wear male garb. This is God’s commandment. People should familiarize themselves with what the Bible says – read it from the beginning to the end. Too many kids get screwed up by wearing something that is not gender specific. This does count at the end of time when we meet our Maker.

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Posted at 10:56 PM on November 16, 2010  

If your angry sky fairy wants to nitpick about what someone happened to wear in their lifetime then they must be pretty damn bored.

What makes something male or female garb? Do you not know that there was a huge period of history where pants didn’t exist? Or that pink being thought feminine is only a recent thing because not long ago it was considered masculine because it’s derived from the color red? Do you believe that no woman should be allowed to wear pants? Perhaps the traditional kilt is just a tad bit too ‘girly’ for you regardless of that it was battle garb.

I’m so glad you’re not anyone I know, I quite believe I wouldn’t like you.

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Posted at 5:40 AM on April 23, 2011  

Obviously Tammy g didn’t think that one through! I’m completely dumfounded.

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Posted at 2:46 PM on April 23, 2011  

I don’t think that “God” cares what we wear or what we don’t wear. We are born naked, and return to the afterlife without clothes. The bible was written by MAN, with MAN’S views on life. “God” sees us in all states of dress and undress. Clothing is just that. A means of covering our bodies and of self expression.

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Posted at 4:15 PM on April 24, 2011  

pls don’t be such an idiot.
you were not born with clothes,so God did not give you a set of clothes acceptable to only men& another only for women.
these rules are set by HUMANS.who are you.

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Posted at 8:23 PM on November 7, 2010  

Isn’t it a sick commentary on us in America that we feel it is such a come down for a superior male to abdicate his position to dress like, act like or want to be an inferior female. Girls are supposed to want to be like boys but boys who want to be like girls are somehow “sick”. Who is really sick?

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Posted at 2:35 PM on November 7, 2010  

whoooooooo the f cares?!

anyone who read this and has an “opinion” on what should be done or should of been done is an IDIOT.

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Worry wart

Posted at 10:16 AM on November 7, 2010  

Are you really losing sleep over this?

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Jo Dean

Posted at 8:36 AM on November 7, 2010  

LOL, OK so the kid is gay, so what?

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you are an idiot

Posted at 1:49 AM on November 7, 2010  


i mean really…

you couldn’t pick up on the fact that the title “My son is Gay” was tongue in cheek or sarcastic and making fun of the people who picked on her/her son for the way he dressed.

ugh, just smack yourself in the forehead and say “Doh” homer

ugh women suck at detecting funny

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Posted at 2:38 PM on November 7, 2010  

I don’t think it matters if it was tongue in cheek. When you look at the site, you see a picture of the kid and a boldfaced red title that just says, “My son is gay.”

That’s enough fodder for bullies. But even the article itself doesn’t unlabel him — it still leaves that as uncertain. The truth of the matter is he shouldn’t have a sexual identity at all yet — he’s only 5. So why even associate that.

The nice thing is that the other parents were concerned not about his sexuality, but about the potential for being bullied. The article didn’t say that the other people called him gay — just her. That’s irresponsible.

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Walter Deane

Posted at 1:22 AM on November 7, 2010  

I know we all have limited attention spans nowadays. But I cant believe no one can even make it through the first line of the article. “My Son is Gay. Or he’s not. I don’t care. He is still my son.”
She doesn’t care one way or the other and is implying that his dressing as Daphne is not going to really to determine that. So is the article aimed at the people too stupid to go past the first line? Or unable to fathom the rather simple clearly stated point of the article?
I get the impression from the original article, the Cop’s Wife doesn’t care about these people any way. Besides, in a couple of hours these people will have moved on to picketing dead soldier’s funerals or holding up signs that Obama is an islamic, socialist, nazi, black panther illegal immigrant that wants all white people to set in the back of a bus. Just wave a shiny red ball around before throwing it into traffic and we can finally take of these people.

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Posted at 5:24 PM on November 8, 2010  

Of course, she cared, hence the blog, but that doesn’t make her wrong. I hope she took advantage of the opportunity to have an actual dialog with those that seemed dismayed for whatever reason.

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Posted at 1:18 AM on November 7, 2010  

She didn’t say he was gay. She said something to the effect of “if my son were gay.” Reading comprehension fail.

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Posted at 1:33 AM on November 7, 2010  

Exactly, she did NOT call him gay. This article is such hog wash.

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Posted at 5:10 PM on November 8, 2010  

That’s true, but she titled the blog, “My Son is Gay.”

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rachel s

Posted at 9:24 PM on November 6, 2010  

She’s his mom. I think she knows her own son. I’m sure this isn’t a one time incident where he’s wanted to dress as a female, or shown signs of being feminine. It’s acceptance, and I praise her for letting her son be himself.

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Chad M

Posted at 1:07 AM on November 7, 2010  

Or, the mothers own hatred of men is reflected on a child who loves his mother and tries to be loved more by choosing these traits. It wasn’t the picture that is disturbing. What’s disturbing is the intentional conflict she submitted her child to in his peer group and now the public.

When there are groups of people in this world actively seeking out and beating gay kids a post on the Internet is practically an invitation of further conflict.

I don’t post public pics of my kids for similar reasons. My kids are not gay, they’re just kids that I don’t want some psycho masturbating to on the Internet.

TLDR: irresponsible parent didn’t think this through or recognize risk of outing tranny kids online for perverts to salivate over

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Posted at 7:23 PM on November 6, 2010  

It sounds to me like she might have labeled the picture that to get their attention and others. Also to point out how ridiculous it is that they think that dressing as Daphne on Halloween at such a young age would “make” him gay or that he could even be “turned” gay by an outfit. It undermines all of their objections to the outfit and makes them look foolish for saying that he’s gay or that she’s a bad mom for allowing it. I am most certain that a woman that stood up so adamantly for her son’s right to choose his own outfit, and ultimately sexual orientation, wouldn’t throw seriously label him and harm is self-esteem afterward. I don’t think the BLOG label is harmful. It is humorous and defeating to the uptight mommies at the school. Besides I am sure he’s not reading her blog!

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