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Listen Up BFFs: Will Playing Hard To Get Keep A Man Loyal And Coming Back For More?

Fri, October 8, 2010 2:31pm EDT by 4 Comments

Kristen Stewart seriously made Robert Pattinson WORK to become her BF. But now that the two are together, is her aloof act still as effectively keeping his interest?

Playing hard to get is one of the oldest games in the book, but we couldn’t help but wonder if it’s really a great idea or if you’re just playing with fire?

We all know that the key to keeping a man interested doesn’t have anything to do with having a supermodel body or a genius IQ. Nope, what really seems to gain a guys heart is when you “just aren’t that in to him.” Now you’ve become a challenge. If you’re not chasing after him and bombarding him with text messages and Facebook pokes he’s going to chase you. It turns out that there’s scientific proof to back that up!

According to a recent study headed by Dr. Helen Fisher, the chief scientific advisor to, being rejected in love can cause reactions similar to craving cocaine! “On the surface that might sound great – you can make someone crave you? Who doesn’t want to be craved?” says writer/relationship expert Liz Langley, who is quick to point out that that doesn’t make it okay to play games. “Charades are for parties, not your busy real life,” says Liz, who suggests turning the focus onto your actual adult life. “Why play hard to get when you can be hard to get? If you have an involving job, friendships and personal goals you’ll be busy – you won’t be available all the time, you’ll give him/her a chance to miss you a little, crave your lusciousness, you won’t have to fake anything and you’ll be energized and happy. It’s win-win-win.” Be honest, girlfriends, how often have you tried to play the hard to get game? Did it ever work for you?

But can playing hard to get in the beginning guarantee that your relationship will last? Yes and no. Relationship expert Dr. Gilda Carle feels that playing hard to get is just another type of game and stresses that games rarely ever work out in the long run. “Sure a guy will be panting to finally win his prize, because men are hunters. But once he’s won it, how do two people communicate without the games they grew to expect?” Dr. Gilda tells “The biggest downside is that once a guy gets what he’s worked so hard for, he may find he’s won the beautiful girl but she’s superficial because she only knows how to put him to the test of how devoted he is.” “If you start out faking any personality traits, then you’re inviting them to love someone else not you,” agrees Liz.

Is this happening to Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson? After meeting on the set of Twilight in 2008, the two realized they were into each other — but K-Stew, now 20, had a longtime boyfriend, Michael Angarano, to deal with. Although Kristen reportedly broke up with Michael in January of 2009 — just two months before filming Twilight Saga: New Moon — she and Rob did not start seriously dating until AFTER that film wrapped, and didn’t become a couple until the production of Twilight Saga: Eclipse began in August of that year. Essentially, she made him wait a LONG time. Clearly, Robert, 24, does care about Kristen and values their connection. Considering that he could have pretty much any woman he wants, the fact that he was willing to wait over a year for a shot at dating Kristen is very telling. According to Liz: “It sounds like the chemistry was right with them from the start. Timing probably had nothing to do with it.”

So, what’s a girl who is already played hard to get to do? Dr. Gilda suggests it’s time to focus all of your attention on the relationship. “Instead of playing cat and mouse games, I recommend that a woman immerse herself in what she loves. In Kristen’s case she stayed true to her boyfriend, Rob. This showed her loyalty and unwillingness to cheat, without playing games. Obviously Robert then wanted her more,” says Dr. Gilda.

Well, I guess it’s official. While playing games can be a fun way to pass the time with friends and family, they’re never a good idea when it comes to your personal life.

–Amy L. Harper