LAURA'S LOVE LIFE ADVICE: Leave The Toilet Talk At Home, Jessica Simpson — It's A Total Turn-Off To Men!

Thu, October 7, 2010 12:38pm EST by 5 Comments

Jessica is now chatting frankly about farting on Twitter, and if you add in the fact that she doesn’t brush her teeth, Ms. S. is becoming one hygienically undesirable package!

Listen up, ladies. Although you may think it’s natural to talk about your bodily functions, here’s a piece of advice: the guy in your life does NOT want to hear about them!

Although Eric Johnson seems to love everything about girlfriend Jessica Simpson, perhaps even he will be cringing in dismay with her most recent overshare. “This link just made my morning!” the 30-year-old singer wrote on her Twitter page Oct. 7. “@OMGFacts: The average person farts about 14 TIMES each day! How to fart less?”

I’m not surprised that Jess needed the help, especially after news broke this January that she made a filthy faux pas during a business meeting by letting one rip! “While one of the executives was speaking in a room full of five people, Jessica let out a very loud fart. Her mother [Tina Simpson] was there, and it prompted her to turn around and yell, ‘Jessica!’ The tension was extreme. No one knew what to say”, a source told Us Weekly at the time.

But it doesn’t stop there. Jessica has freely admitted that she only brushes her teeth three times a week because they’re “too slippery.” Huh?

Having gross habits is one thing, but talking about them publicly is quite another. Guys like to live with the illusion that their women actually have no need to use the bathroom (regardless of how disgusting they themselves might be) — so talking about it to them is one official way to get yourself – ahem – canned.

So leave the toilet talk at home, girls. If you only shower twice a week so as not to ruin your blowout, never admit it. If you have to pop your pimples, do it — just don’t talk about it. Jessica Simpson may be getting away with talking ‘dirty’, but then again, as John Mayer once said, she IS sexual napalm — reason enough for Eric to keep her around!

Have YOU ever been dumped for bathroom-related reasons? Tell us your story below!


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Posted at 2:46 AM on October 9, 2010  

yes. by all means, you shouldn’t be yourself if you want a may-un. jessica simpson, you may be a successful businesswoman, but you better censor yourself if you want happiness in the arms of a may-un. who cares if your audiences appreciates your humor and honesty? men hate that crap, so please, pretend to be someone else.

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Posted at 2:47 PM on October 7, 2010  

AWESOME SEXIST ARTICLE! Seriously, was your corset cutting off your oxygen when you wrote this? Brb, gonna leave work because my ass belongs in the kitchen!

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Posted at 2:42 PM on October 7, 2010  

laura… lol… ewww!!!! it’s not just BOYFRIENDS that dont’ want to hear it! none of us do! why are you inviting stories?!?! please, people, i beg of you… don’t share.

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Posted at 3:58 PM on October 7, 2010  

Boyfriends DO want to hear it…lol..farting and burping are the favorite pastimes and best skills of many a guy !!! I’ll bet they love Jessica ‘au natural’…it’s only us uptight types that run the water in the sink when when we’re peeing with strangers in the house :)

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Posted at 5:57 PM on October 7, 2010  

lol… scarla, no!!!! don’t believe the hype!!!! running the water IS the proper thing to do! (or, buying a bigger house). “your mama raised you right” (dolly, steel magnolias, when referring to a friend’s comment about wearing lycra on her thighs since the age of 15)

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