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What Andy Learned From Tonight's 'Teen Mom': All Of Their Lives Are Incredibly Depressing & Difficult!

Tue, September 7, 2010 11:15pm EDT by 1 Comment
Courtesy of MTV

Courtesy of MTV

The girls managed to find some happiness, but for a good 55 minutes it was one bummer after another.

After the Sept. 7 episode of MTV’s Teen Mom, I’m more convinced than ever that the show’s producers are determined to make these girls’ lives look as depressing as possible. Well, mission accomplished. I spent the entire hour wondering which of these girls I’d LEAST want to be: Maci with the custody battle, Farrah with the awkward therapy, Amber with the clueless boyfriend, or Catelynn with the psycho-witch mom. Relive the depression of this latest episode with me, won’t you?


Bentley is obviously the coolest baby, so it’s sad he’s saddled with Maci and ex-fiancé Ryan. They start a texting war to decide how they’re going to split custody of him. And while Ryan’s maybe-not-sweet girlfriend Kathryn whispers ideas into his ear like a sketchy parrot (there’s even a close up of her shifty eyes), Maci wonders if Ryan only wants Bentley more so he’ll pay less child support. Ryan decides he’s not letting Maci move with Bentley to Nashville to be closer to her new boyfriend Kyle. Because every good soap needs courtroom drama!


OMG! Senior Prom! Catelynn goes dress shopping with her mom, and after modeling a bunch of ridiculous dresses (including one that makes her feel super fat) she picks a red dress she thinks is great. “Yeah, if you like ugly,” replies her gem of a mother. She’s just bummed her husband is stuck in court-ordered rehab… again. Oh yeah, then Catelynn’s mom calls her a bitch about 100 times. No hug, though. Catelynn’s fiancé Tyler stares blankly at her as she retells the story. But then HOLY CRAP Catelynn and Tyler are named Prom King and Queen! Her life is NOT as hard as she makes it sound.


Amber may have failed her practice GED test, but it’s her birthday! Yay! Then comes the first voicemail from her friend: “You just get older from 18 on, man.” Seriously? Great friend. Her boyfriend Gary makes her a questionable breakfast, some of which he has already eaten before giving it to her. He surprises her with flowers, but then they fight. He volunteers to babysit Leah, but then they fight… again. All is well, though, when Gary returns with cake. I think cake might be the secret to their relationship.


Farrah’s just busy, busy, busy. On top of raising Sophia, she has to work overtime scheming to keep her mother Deborah in counseling. She still doesn’t trust Deb around the baby after her arrest. Off to therapy! Cue the waterworks! Farrah gets mad and makes a point that’s totally lost on me, then confesses that she doubts her mom’s love.

— Andy Swift