Bonnie Says: How Elin Can Get Over Tiger… For Good!

Thu, August 26, 2010 5:04pm EDT by 14 Comments
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SplashNews.com

Elin — it’s going to take time and tough hours of therapy but you CAN get over the trauma of Tiger and the scandal he brought on you all!

The good news is that you’re already well on your way to a full recovery from the betrayal and humiliation over your husband’s totally public infidelities.

But it’s also true that you’re still angry and bitter. “There’s no way that after being completely humiliated, that Elin couldn’t still be angry — it’s only been a few months,” says Dr. Jeff Gardere, a psychologist and host of VHI’s Dad Camp. “However Elin’s smart to put her best foot forward in public, as she did in her People magazine interview, because she understands that at some time in the future her kids will read all about this.”

I agree Elin — you absolutely came off as a completely class act when you bent over backwards to speak positively about your ex-husband. “I wish him all the best in the future as a person and an athlete,” she told People… “I feel privileged to have witnessed a part of his golfing career.”

Refraining from badmouthing Tiger in front of little daughter Sam, 3, and son Charlie, 19-months, and making sure they live close by Tiger, is “absolutely doing the right thing,” according to Dr. Gardere, who applauds her for placing the needs of her children ahead of her own.

And you know what Elin, if your little ones are happy and well-adjusted, it will make it easier for you to continue your recovery.

If you did diss Tiger in front of Elin and Sam, you could be setting your children up for all kinds of stress. “The children will feel anxious that they may lose one or both of their parents’ affections, if they think they have to chose sides,” explains Dr. Diana Kirschner, a psychologist and author of Love in 90 Days.” Stress can take a big toll on children. They can have nightmares, bed-wetting and other regressive behavior.”

So Elin, if you were stressing your kids out, it would actually only make your recovery harder too — you’d be preoccupied with coping with your kids’ anxieties.

You told People that “I have had counseling… it is very important to have objective help from a professional therapist,” and Elin that is so smart. You are already training to be a psychologist so you professionally recognize the need to work through your feelings in therapy, and the three psychologists I talked to, insisted that you need to stick with it. They all believe you ultimately HAVE to achieve forgiveness for Tiger in order to heal; something that you have said yourself! “I am going to be completely honest and tell you that I am working on it. I know I will have to come to forgiveness and acceptance of what has happened for me to go on and be happy in the future.”

Well said Elin. It’s much better to take the road of forgiveness, it’s healthier,” says Dr. Kirschner.

Now, here’s the final and toughest step Elin, but it is key to getting over Tiger, insists Dr. Bonnie Jacobson, a clinical psychologist and author of To Be Happily Married How Everyday Decisions Can Lead To Lasting Love.

Elin you have to look at what role you played in the existence of Tiger’s chaotic “other” life. Elin, you bear some responsibility,” believes Dr. Jacobson.

Elin, you may have been preoccupied with pregnancies and baby raising and you may also have been naive, but you may also have underestimated how difficult Tiger’s life as a celebrity actually was, and that he needed you there more than you were,  believes Dr. Jacobson. “It intensified his feelings of isolation and he tried to cope with that by having sex,” she says. “Elin needs to know just what happened and understand it, so she can raise her children well.”

Dr. Jacobson warns you Elin, against making your kids see you as a “perfect princess” and Tiger as a “terrible monster“. They don’t need a “bad daddy” — that will just hurt them.

So Elin, would you be up for ongoing exes counseling for you and Tiger ? If so, it would be wonderful for both of you, believes Dr. Jacobson. If you can see the huge emptiness that Tiger had, which he was filling up with sex, it might help you see him as the deeply flawed human he is and forgiveness might come more easily. And once you forgive Tiger, you can finally get over him.

Elin, once you’re over Tiger, you truly can turn over a new page in your life. You’re young, healthy and as you said you “have two beautiful children” — you deserve to have a wonderful life ahead of you.

–Bonnie Fuller


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mimi tholsted

Posted at 10:55 AM on October 18, 2010  

DR Jacobsen get your study-money back – you did not learn anything…….and Elin is doing just great, moving away and forward, taking care of her children, away from whores and games with life, as Tiger did ….. now dont boil more soup on this, it is NOT fair to Elin, I take my hat off for her, a classy lady….

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mimi tholsted

Posted at 11:50 AM on August 28, 2010  

I cannot even respond to this, “Elin bear some responsebility”……….. REDICULOUS!…..dont boil more soup on this, it is in the past…..they are both moving forward……..stop it now!

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msfaye

Posted at 12:39 PM on August 27, 2010  

what about the women who no one knows who have had this sort of thing happen to them and they weren’t celebrities. they didn’t get any payday just the kids and the bills when the husband walked out. she is going to do just fine. she is not the only woman who has had a man do this to her and she won’t be the last. that is why michael jordans wife got rid of him and why magic johnson got a dose of aids from one of his many conquest. and then there is the lesser known woman whose husband couldn’t keep his thing in his pants and ruined the family because he did what he wanted to do and usually they walk off leave the family to the mother and don’t give finacial support or emotional support. Elin will do just fine she will have all you psychologist to make sure of it.

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CJM

Posted at 8:52 AM on August 27, 2010  

The only blame Elin is responsible for is HER part in the marital break-up; the infidelities committed by Tiger are HIS responsibilities and not hers. Since what went on behind closed doors is not public privilege (and it should be kept that way–until Erin decides to write one of those idiotic one-sided ‘tell all’ books)there can only be speculation to tittilate the minds of those who aren’t “in the know” of things.
It takes two to make a marriage and two to destroy a marriage…in this case both had something to do with the break-up; the difference is that Tiger’s misbehavior became public knowledge while Erin’s behavior did not become public knowledge.

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tunie

Posted at 6:27 AM on August 27, 2010  

excuse me, Dr. Jacobson, are you SERIOUS that Elin of all people has to take responsibility for Tiger’s infidelities??????? are you kidding???? This has got to be the most regressive sexist statement ever, coming from a psychologist no less. How shameful!
Sure, there are two people in a marriage and it takes two to cause friction. Sure, Elin is human being after all and sure she must have her flaws. Sure, she might have contributed to some unhappiness in their marriage but infidelities??? not one but several….one after another…some simultaneously….GEEZ Tiger was cheating on his wife AND all his mistresses!!! The common factor here is Tiger….who obviously has some serious issues entirely of his own. The LAST thing needed here is to make excuses for Tiger’s behavior on his behalf, which is *exactly* what you’re doing. Sure, he faces immense pressures that a man of only his stature can understand. Sure, his game, his life is stressful. Sure, he has to face isolation and what not. Using this an excuse to CHEAT and DESTROY his family is BS!!!! What efforts did he make to cope with these pressures, if at all? How convenient to go and find himself some trashy women. Oh, and aren’t his problems self created? He has CHOSEN to stay in golf. He has CHOSEN this high pressured life. And then he CHOSE to cheat. If it was too much to handle, why didn’t he quit? why didn’t he find another way out?
So many people, both men and women, face enormous pressures and tragedy in their lives, sometimes quite unexpectedly, many times for no fault of their own, yet, they don’t ALL go out cheat on their spouses. [The same argument applies to people who become drug addicts and alcoholics-there are triggers but the problem is their own].
There really isn’t any doubt as to who should take ALL the blame for this and ALL the responsibility. Tiger, Tiger and only Tiger. While Elin may or may not be the perfect wife, Tiger’s cheating has nothing to do with her. She was busy at home being pregnant and almost single handedly raising their kids. Note, they are HIS kids too. How much more support can one expect from a spouse? She doesn’t need to mother Tiger as well, being there for him 24/7 etc. He is a grown man who has been in the game for a while. It is also entirely possible, has Elin been “more supportive” towards Tiger he could have gone and done exactly the same thing, perhaps just to get away from her, in which case you would turn things around and say if was all her fault because she was “too supportive”, that she should have given him more independence etc.
If anything she was almost too good for him, given her behavior in the aftermath of the infidelities. Not only has she been a good mother but is still young and beautiful and has kept her independence in keeping up with her college studies.
She doesn’t need to take any responsibility for HIS actions in order to move on. She can simply accept that these things happen in life, fair or unfair, and you make the best of the circumstances that life gives you. She already knows that holding grudges will only harm and not help and that is the key to forgiveness. NOT blaming herself for his infidelities!!
Oh, and the money? Sure, she is walking away with a large bounty but like she herself pointed out, money can’t buy happiness or put their family back together. There can never be a price on certain things. She might be better off than other women who endure worse and get no money but she was better off to begin with. She comes from a well-to-do family and was a bikini model/nanny. She didn’t really NEED the money. She also did not welcome the fame that her high profile marriage brought. It doesn’t seem like she married Tiger for these things. As we can all see, she did not hesitate to give this all up-this high profile life. Had she tolerated his infidelities, she could have got more money has she continued to be his wife. But she didn’t. So those of you, who cannot find better things to do than trash her-grow a heart and check your envy. No one goes into a marriage with the intention of failing it.
This too shall pass….and it will for Elin. She is already better off now.

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sandman

Posted at 5:12 AM on August 27, 2010  

you bet she can move can you say 100 million?? she got a nice pay day she just like all the rest of the girls, she just got hook in him.

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Fred

Posted at 4:32 AM on August 27, 2010  

How Elin can get over tiger?? How every golddigger get’s over a man – millions of dollars. Boo friggin hoo. Parasite…

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pervy

Posted at 1:31 AM on August 27, 2010  

Elin can come sit on my face. That will help enormously to help sexy Elin to move on… Right here baby sit that beautiful ass on my face

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Jessica

Posted at 1:01 AM on August 27, 2010  

I can’t see how it’s necessary for Elin to accept blame in order to move on. I think just understanding that the affairs happened and that even multiple affairs happen and are not necessarily a reflection upon oneself, and getting past the anger and hurt and into a stage of acceptance is already enough to heal.

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jezoebel

Posted at 11:34 PM on August 26, 2010  

Excuse me? Elin has to bear some responsibility for Tiger’s behaviour? Are you kidding me, Bonnie? You were getting good on the advice till you blew it on the blame game. You and your so-called “doctor” need to get off of Planet Stupid. Elin is not responsible whatsoever. She at least was the adult in the marriage. Tiger was/is/always will be a manchild banging every stipper/cocktail waitress he could get his hands on. Good for Elin to say “Good Riddane” and getting her groove back.

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Alara

Posted at 9:22 PM on August 26, 2010  

Bonnie you’ve got to be kidding! You and your doctor friend are actually going to ask Elin how this is her responsibility? Please! Elin needs to take no more responsibility for her ex-husbands behaviour – I’m sure she’s asked herself many times how she could have been a cause for his cheating – and that’s just sheer B.S.! This is all about Tiger, and his problems. She doesn’t need to spend time in couselling with him, or hold his hand or do anything she doesn’t want to. She needs to date a fantastic man and get a taste of how great she is – she doesn’t need you throwing stuff in her face.

Elin had to put up with all the media when Tiger’s daliances became public knowledge – now she has to put up with more torture from the media, as everywhere there’s pics of Tiger and Elin like they’re the long-lost royal couple or something! This is pathetic. I hope for Elin’s sake she doesn’t end up in the media for long this time, and can get her life back!

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Carmen

Posted at 8:40 PM on August 26, 2010  

I am so glad that Elin Nordegren is finally free from Tiger Woods who seems to be a very troubled man with serious issues. I commend Elin for her wise decision, for being a caring and loving mother and for her great courage, dignity and class during this horrid period in her life. I applaud that Elin is moving on with her life taking care of herself and her children and looking forward to be happy and enjoy life again!!! I wish them the very best!!!

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karen

Posted at 6:39 PM on August 26, 2010  

You have some nerve blaming her for Tiger’s problems!! He is truly selfish and believes the whole world should revolve around him. No one on earth will ever make him happy. He should never have married in the first place.

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eloise

Posted at 5:22 PM on August 26, 2010  

Elin doesn’t need to worry about getting over Tiger – you will have your comments to remind her what a selfish low life jerk he is. Bonnie, Elin is trying to come to terms with her life right now and hopefully she doesn’t read your column to remind her of what she went through. Move on – Elin is trying to – don’t add to her misery.

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