Bonnie Says: How Elin Can Get Over Tiger… For Good!

Thu, August 26, 2010 5:04pm EST by 14 Comments

Elin — it’s going to take time and tough hours of therapy but you CAN get over the trauma of Tiger and the scandal he brought on you all!

The good news is that you’re already well on your way to a full recovery from the betrayal and humiliation over your husband’s totally public infidelities.

But it’s also true that you’re still angry and bitter. “There’s no way that after being completely humiliated, that Elin couldn’t still be angry — it’s only been a few months,” says Dr. Jeff Gardere, a psychologist and host of VHI’s Dad Camp. “However Elin’s smart to put her best foot forward in public, as she did in her People magazine interview, because she understands that at some time in the future her kids will read all about this.”

I agree Elin — you absolutely came off as a completely class act when you bent over backwards to speak positively about your ex-husband. “I wish him all the best in the future as a person and an athlete,” she told People… “I feel privileged to have witnessed a part of his golfing career.”

Refraining from badmouthing Tiger in front of little daughter Sam, 3, and son Charlie, 19-months, and making sure they live close by Tiger, is “absolutely doing the right thing,” according to Dr. Gardere, who applauds her for placing the needs of her children ahead of her own.

And you know what Elin, if your little ones are happy and well-adjusted, it will make it easier for you to continue your recovery.

If you did diss Tiger in front of Elin and Sam, you could be setting your children up for all kinds of stress. “The children will feel anxious that they may lose one or both of their parents’ affections, if they think they have to chose sides,” explains Dr. Diana Kirschner, a psychologist and author of Love in 90 Days.” Stress can take a big toll on children. They can have nightmares, bed-wetting and other regressive behavior.”

So Elin, if you were stressing your kids out, it would actually only make your recovery harder too — you’d be preoccupied with coping with your kids’ anxieties.

You told People that “I have had counseling… it is very important to have objective help from a professional therapist,” and Elin that is so smart. You are already training to be a psychologist so you professionally recognize the need to work through your feelings in therapy, and the three psychologists I talked to, insisted that you need to stick with it. They all believe you ultimately HAVE to achieve forgiveness for Tiger in order to heal; something that you have said yourself! “I am going to be completely honest and tell you that I am working on it. I know I will have to come to forgiveness and acceptance of what has happened for me to go on and be happy in the future.”

Well said Elin. It’s much better to take the road of forgiveness, it’s healthier,” says Dr. Kirschner.

Now, here’s the final and toughest step Elin, but it is key to getting over Tiger, insists Dr. Bonnie Jacobson, a clinical psychologist and author of To Be Happily Married How Everyday Decisions Can Lead To Lasting Love.

Elin you have to look at what role you played in the existence of Tiger’s chaotic “other” life. Elin, you bear some responsibility,” believes Dr. Jacobson.

Elin, you may have been preoccupied with pregnancies and baby raising and you may also have been naive, but you may also have underestimated how difficult Tiger’s life as a celebrity actually was, and that he needed you there more than you were,  believes Dr. Jacobson. “It intensified his feelings of isolation and he tried to cope with that by having sex,” she says. “Elin needs to know just what happened and understand it, so she can raise her children well.”

Dr. Jacobson warns you Elin, against making your kids see you as a “perfect princess” and Tiger as a “terrible monster“. They don’t need a “bad daddy” — that will just hurt them.

So Elin, would you be up for ongoing exes counseling for you and Tiger ? If so, it would be wonderful for both of you, believes Dr. Jacobson. If you can see the huge emptiness that Tiger had, which he was filling up with sex, it might help you see him as the deeply flawed human he is and forgiveness might come more easily. And once you forgive Tiger, you can finally get over him.

Elin, once you’re over Tiger, you truly can turn over a new page in your life. You’re young, healthy and as you said you “have two beautiful children” — you deserve to have a wonderful life ahead of you.

–Bonnie Fuller


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