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What Do You Think Hollywood Lifers — How Long Before Tiger's Back In A Relationship?

Wed, August 25, 2010 2:27pm EDT by 3 Comments


Will it be a week, a month, or a year before Tiger jumps back in the dating game? What are your thoughts?

Piper Weiss from Shine examines Tiger’s new life as a bachelor and how long it will take him to get back into the dating game!

I give him one month. Look: I made this handy clock to count it down. Anyone want to start a pool? Already he’s fielding offers from his coterie of calendar girls. Rachel Uchitel told a friend she’d “give up everything” for a romance with Woods, according to Granted she’s hungry for the spotlight but now that Tiger’s divorce is final, expect more women to come out of the woodwork. And expect the newly single golfer to single out one of them to settle down with. Stat.

This isn’t just the case for the rich and famous. Cheaters don’t stay single for long. They rely on relationships for stability, especially when their career is flailing. (Tiger’s got his work cut out for him.)
And despite their very best intentions, they need someone to cheat on. It’s an addiction with a high that can only be attained when the sex isn’t sanctioned. Then there’s the theory that they feels so guilty about their cheating impulses, they wants a redo with a new person. Maybe this time, they’ll do it right. Not likely. At least 20 percent keep up their busy cheating schedule. And once you’re hitched, forget about it. “Keep in mind that the number of second marriages that end in divorce is even higher than the 50 percent of first marriages that fail,” psychologist Jill Curtis told Ladies Home Journal.

As for us ladies, we know all about the “you can’t change a man” argument. And we are constantly trying to refute it. Call it Sisuphus rock syndrome. Then call it syphilis. It’s not that a cheater is always going to cheat (but he’s more likely too) it’s that there’s something about the challenge of rehabilitation, and the validation that comes from it. We hope to be “special” enough to change their hard-wiring. When we fail, it’s a personal assault. That’s one reason. Another is we’re just desensitized to it. All men cheat right? That’s a myth we haven’t completely debunked. If our pop culture models have any say, the bigger the cheat the hotter the man. Don Draper: is there any hotter fictional character right now–anyone else men would rather be or women would rather do? He’s a cheating veteran, and we still hold out hope that a good woman will set him straight before the series ends.

In real life, and in the following century when STDs are as rampant as germaphobia, you’d think a compulsive cheater would read like a leper. No so. Tiger, a man who’s slept with countless women, possibly with out protection, a man who’s famously kept secrets, a man who’s a national joke, is already being publicly propositioned. While his ex wife, Elin, the steady wife, the child-bearer, the hot blond model, is slinking off, possibly to her hometown in Sweden all single and stuff. (Slate’s Jessica Grose proves there’s a different kind of cache to post-divorce for women.)

And lets not forget the other compulsive cheater with a disproportionately hotter wife. Jesse James, who’s mistress was linked to neo-Nazism, is already in a relationship. And not with some schlub. LA Ink star Kat Von D isn’t exactly a movie star, but she’s a total catch for the DIY motorcycle set.

In an excellent example of looking past, around, and underneath the CHEATER stamp on James’ skull, Kat has explained away his indiscretions this way: “I am a believer that we’re all human and we’re all capable of making mistakes,” she told People Magazine. “I think if I were to be crucified for my drug addiction three years ago now, it would be hard to live with that. I’m sober now, and it’s awesome. But I have made mistakes, too. … I’ve got a lot of respect for Jesse and how he handled it.”

Totally. He’s an American hero. But can we get back to the initial question? How long before Tiger’s back to being a one woman guy (with 300 women on the side?) If Jesse James is our model, any minute now. James’ divorce was finalized at the end of June, and now he’s making a woman out Kat Von D. It’s been two months to be exact.

Think you can beat that Tiger? You used to be so good at breaking records.

-Piper Weiss