Bonnie Says- Bachelor Jake is Smug & Emotionally Abusive — Vienna Was Right To Dump Him!

Tue, July 6, 2010 3:25pm EST by 66 Comments

After watching The Bachelor Breakup it’s so clear now that Vienna was clearly in a relationship with an emotional abuser – Jake!

I couldn’t tear myself away from watching The Bachelor Breakup special, which aired last night and 7 million others who tuned in,  had to have felt exactly the same way. Talk about must-see TV. It was gripping. But what was most gripping of all was watching Jake Pavelka unmask himself as a cold, controlling emotional abuser.

He sat through the entire 30 plus minutes interview with a smug, smirk on his face, while Vienna dissolved in tears repeatedly. His message was clear — Jake was trying to tell us that he was the sane, normal, in control partner in the relationship while Vienna Girardi was the crazy, emasculating, emotional, lying, cheating, needy, selfish, oh and lazy woman, he made the mistake of proposing to.

He repeatedly barked at Vienna to stop interrupting him during the interview. “Be quiet. while I’m talking,” he ordered his former fiancee, while emphasizing this order with a series of karate chops in the air. He complained repeatedly to interviewer Chris Harrison, that Vienna was guilty of always interrupting him — “Stop, interrupting me,” he shouted at one point.

What Jake didn’t say out loud but demonstrated with his “interruption” obsession and more, was that he wanted to “control” Vienna in their relationship. And when he couldn’t control every aspect of her behavior — he withdrew from her, withheld sex  and insulted her.

“What guy in America would want to be intimate with a woman who undermines and emasculates them,” he replied in response to Vienna’s revelations that he stopped having sex with her after a month of being together. “She breaks me down, she undermines me, she’s mean, she’s always right, I never do anything right,” he whined . It drove him crazy that she wanted to discuss how to re-arrange their bedroom after he had already measured it all out — whoa! Jake — are we crazy controlling or what?

Jake let us see that he’s a man who #1 doesn’t like a woman interrupting him, #2 withholds sex as punishment for not being his version of perfect and #3 belittles his lovers’ emotions. When Vienna insisted that she tried to break-up with him twice before the final split — he described the situation as “she’d throw little temper tantrums” and “sulk in the bathroom.”

He also dropped this one jaw-dropping bomb– there’s more to a relationship than “sex and intimacy… those are just two little things.” Uh really!? Intimacy can only be a “little thing” to a man who doesn’t want to be intimate — and that’s abusive behavior when you have a fiance ewho claims she wants a normally affectionate and communicative relationship — like EVERY woman on the planet would want.

Vienna’s litany of Jake gripes boiled down to two big beefs — #1- once the magic first month was over, Jake stopped talking to her and #2 -he stopped having sex and even kissing her. Jake however, had an endless list of self-esteem destroying disses about Vienna. Aside, from the interrupting and emasculating that she was guilty of  — she was also selfish. “It’s me, me, me,”  he said. Also, “your dog is spoiled,” and  “baby, we’ll get to your lying issues in a minute,” he needled. Jake is one of those guys who like to use intimate terms when delivering a whopper of an emotional slap across the face.

No wonder, Vienna took the $90,000 she was supposedly by paid by Star magazine for her tell-all interview . She knew the only way to get back at this abuser was to tell her side of the story, without interruption, and in the public eye, where she was guaranteed to finally get his attention.

Ha! Vienna — you achieved your goals and Jake came off like the cold, controlling, emotional abuser he truly is!

Bonnie Fuller

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Posted at 12:59 AM on August 7, 2010  

just wanted to say as someone who works in domestic violence, it was also exceedingly clear to me that jake is indeed a batterer (ie. abuser)… for all the reasons that bonnie points out in this article. I wish it could only be made more clear to the public, because the issue of emotional battering in relationships is important and very misunderstood. all i can say is, once you know what to look for, you can’t miss it. jake is a clear batterer. so clear.

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Posted at 8:04 PM on July 9, 2010  

This is total bull! Vienna could not once shut her trap to let Jake finish a whole sentence. It was irritating me and I wasn’t even engaged to her. She is fake and her bursting into tears was such a show she can turn on and off the water works like no other. She is just an annoying woman and needs to learn somethings before she gets into another relationship.

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Posted at 7:15 PM on July 9, 2010  

The whole time I watched the show, never even once I thought Vienna showed her true self…she is a complete fake..and opportunitistic.

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Posted at 6:14 PM on July 9, 2010  

It was a single man who dated 25 women simultaneously in a closed environment where all the women lived together in one house…How could this have possibly gone wrong?

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Posted at 2:33 PM on July 9, 2010  

I totally agree with Leah….I think Vienna was playing it all up. Do people not see all the stories that are coming out which now prove her to be a liar? Gregory Michael and her ex have proved she is nothing but a nasty skank who can’t even go back to her hometown because so many people dislike her! She was recently shown in a photo laughing it up and singing karaoke with friends who are wearing Team Vienna shirts….grow up!

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Posted at 10:53 AM on July 9, 2010  

Jake was cold and nasty. He seems like one of those people that try to show how sweet and sensitive they are…when you have to try THAT hard it obviously isn’t real. Vienna defintely seemed more sincere and truthful. I don’t blame her for telling her story first.

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Posted at 12:03 PM on July 9, 2010  

Even as a woman, I felt something ‘off’ by Vienna. Jake was a little harsh, but I actually sided with him. She was pretty rude when she kept interrupting him, I personally was like “shut up Vienna!”. It was very annoying. I can see why he would want to move on, and away from that crap. I didn’t feel like Jake was Cold or Nasty at all; and her little running off the set, I think, showed who she was–someone who would just rather run away from problems, then try to fix them.
Jake had a calm demeanor the whole time, until Vienna interrupted. That, I felt like, was the root of their problems. That IS undermining someone, and very rude.


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Posted at 2:40 PM on July 9, 2010  

i agree that the interrupting was a bit much, and annoying, especially because i think america would’ve seen right through the sh!t he was trying to spin. the more he could have talked, the more anybody that had watched him before would know he was a con man. but even though i wish she could’ve remained more in control, i don’t judge her for being so b/c he was being completely out of control ridiculous lying— the biggest thing that got me was trying to make out that she was sleeping with a guy that he knew was gay. that spoke mountains to me, and of course she is going to be sensitive to that stuff b/c all of america and her entire home town has been saying she is a whore. so, you know- she’s a real person and she reacted. yes, it was annoying, but if you had watched him through all of his previous shows, i think you might see how all of his previous representations of who he was seemed entirely fake. but, then again, maybe you did watch and we just have different opinions! i’ve always been defending vienna, and probably have too much of a soft spot for her. she’s definitely not perfect. but, as someone said on here, she will grow up and what you see is what you get with her- she was pretending to love jake way back when. he was on the other hand pretending with her, just b/c he wanted to be an actor.

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Posted at 2:41 PM on July 9, 2010  

i mean, she was NOT pretending to love him!!!

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