As much as it sticks in my throat to say this — Jesse James may have been a terrible husband but he’s been a good dad and baby Louis deserves a dad!
Sandra — I think that the decision that you and Jesse made to have Jesse relinquish his parental rights and allow you to adopt Louis alone, was made in haste, under terrible pressure and also out of guilt and anger.
You were FURIOUS with Jesse and probably still are — that’s completely understandable! He was a serial cheater AND liar! Plus he revealed a troubling side to himself — his interest in Nazism — that you were completely unaware of.
Nevertheless, no matter how bad a husband he’s been to you Sandra — you know he’s been a decent, even good dad to Chandler, 15, Jesse Jr., 12, and little Sunny, 6.
You know that — you helped him raise these children and helped him fight to get full custody of sunny.
You also went together through a four-year process to adopt little Louis. Jesse was Louis’ full parent legally, as if he was his biological father. He even told People magazine in a statement — “The love that I have for Louis cannot be put to words. Not having him around to hold has left a huge hole in my heart.”
He also said that the most difficult decision he had in a time of difficult decisions, had been the decision to let Sandra carry on with adopting Louis on her own.
Now, I’m saying that this decision is a big mistake. And surprisingly the parenting experts I’ve talked to, agree with me.
“Jesse should be involved. Had Sandra been pregnant, he still would be a parent following their break-up. And the incubation for adoption is far longer than it is for pregnancy,” points out Jen Singer, editor-in-chief of MommaSaid.net. “There should be no different standards for adopted children than there are for biological children. And it’s important for a child to have a father.”
“What the child needs is both parents in his/her life,” agrees Amelia Malarz, an editor at parenting site Nest. “Adopting a child is the same as having a baby together no matter how briefly you were together ” with the baby.
A third parenting expert, Bob Lancer, author of Parenting with Love, without Stress or Anger, also agrees that a child’s relationship with a father should be maintained.
Sandra — you shouldn’t let your need to move on from your life, impinge on Louis’ hugely important need to have a father.
You know Sandra — no matter how rich, powerful and loving you are, children need TWO parents. Louis will WANT a dad and he COULD have a dad!
He could have a dad if you can get past your anger at Jesse as a husband. There are hundreds of thousands of cheating dads in this country unfortunately. But that doesn’t mean that they all deserve to have their parental rights severed. My guess is that the paperwork severing those rights hasn’t totally been completed.
Jesse I bet you agreed to give up your parental rights to Louis out of guilt, because you felt so terribly bad about your heinous cheating.
But two wrongs don’t make a right. If you can be a loving father to Louis, then Sandra needs to put her son first and let Jesse be his dad!