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Bonnie Cries: R-Patz — How Could You Cut Your Hair?

Mon, May 17, 2010 12:41pm EDT by Chloe Melas 3 Comments



Rob — I and several members of the staff are officially in mourning over your gorgeous lost locks!

It’s a hair-trastrophe! Just two weeks ago when you and K-Stew appeared on Oprah you were our sexy big mane man! Now, as of Sunday May 16 — mark that date — you are a SHORN man. Rob — you’re buzzed up the side and back of the head and and your tousled full frontal curls have all been lopped off!

Now we know, you’re set to start filming your new historical drama, Water For Elephants, in LA on May 22; so did the director , Francis Lawrence, make you do this?

You’re playing a circus vet called Jacob Jankowski, who works for the Benzini Brothers Most Spectacular Show On Earth circus, during the Great Depression. The story is told through the memories of a ninety-year-old Jacob, with Rob playing his younger self.

Gee, Mr. Director — didn’t men wear their hair long and tousled during the Great Depression? Does Rob have to look like a refuge from an army recruiting center? Was that really necessary for art’s sake?

I can tell you, that a whole bunch of the film’s potential female audience, will be devastated to see their god-like Rob, looking depressingly down-to-earth.

Rob — grow it back! Eat protein! Shampoo with Vitamin E! Sprinkle on magic growing powder!

Whatever you do — grow it back fast!


-Bonnie Fuller


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